Abusers are Selfish Children

My ex-father-my primary, more scary abuser (along with my ex-mother’s abuses) was raised in an immigrant home where there was also physical and other child abuses and Domestic Violence. His parents didn’t speak English when they came here, had an arranged marriage and had a family. I don’t know about my grandfather’s history of abuse in the old country but I do know my grandmother could not have been more loved by her family. I knew her mother who was as full of love as a person can be. My grandmother was also gentle and kind and she openly and totally loved us kids.
The horrific DV started for her immediately. Then the very torture-like child abuse my grandfather likely learned in his military service or maybe in his own family. I don’t know of them. He abused all his children but only a couple of them viciously for some reason. He saw my ex-father as a “loser”, “bum”, “mobster-wanna be” immersed in bad elements of their Italian inner city neighborhood.
My grandparents built a lucrative business from nothing. And they wanted their children to be involved and eventually take over. My ex-father instead wanted to steal cars, do petty crimes, loan shark, distribute porn, hang around like a mobster with real mobsters. He idolized them. And my grandfather tried to beat that out of him. My victim grandmother was helpless to intervene. She was petrified. She’d gone to her married brothers with her little kids for help and they told her to go home and not come back.
She then coddled my ex-father to try to make up for the vicious and cruel beatings he endured. She took money from the business to give to my ex-father. Lavished him with cars and clothes etc. She covered up when he got arrested. She lied for him. She thought she was helping the only way she could. She never even raised her voice to her children. She silently grieved for the abuses they suffered. And yet, my ex-father responded to her “kindness and love” by intimidating her, demanding more money, eventually hitting her too.
My heart breaks in a million pieces when I think of my grandmother and the stories she told me when I got older. She was my confidante. My best friend. My comforter, since we all lived in the same apartment building my grandparents owned and gave apartments to their children and their families for nearly zero rents. (That’s how ALL my relatives knew if my family’s violent child abuses and DV. They did nothing and said nothing ever. My grandmother though saved me from suicidal ideation as my only escape by showing me true love and tenderness and crying with me and embracing me when I was abused. But she still felt afraid to say or do anything.
Instead of my grandmother’s many indulgences helping my ex-father see the error of his ways and respond to his mother’s obvious love, he became more entitled. More of a criminal. He leeched off my grandparents living with them for free until they had to lay down the law when he got my ex-mother pregnant. They threatened to throw him out and, with no way (or intention) to support himself or pay for housing and expenses himself, he angrily married my mother-holding out until that child was already walking. The hate-filled household and the abuses started then and never ended.
They lied about their anniversary all their lives. About my brother’s birth date. I’m not even sure what my real birthday is or if I was legitimate or not. They lied to everyone about everything. The Domestic Violence and abuse of my brother as a year old child began immediately. He hated them for forcing him to “settle down” and put a damper on his criminal activities and his hanging around with mobsters. Which he still did most of the time. He beat my brother mercilessly. He blamed my ex-mother and brother for “ruining his life”. And he blamed his parents for stepping up and giving him an ultimatum.
But he was a no-show father anyway. So he was just having what you, Pastor, call a never ending adult tantrum. And it never ended all my life. All four kids were targets of both parents’ abuse. My ex-mother beat us in her rages after she’d been beaten and couldn’t fight back. So she took it out on us. I was her favorite target. Because I spoke up about the abuse. I urged her to leave my ex-father. I even looked for apartments for us to move to without him in the newspaper and circled them. I looked up shelters that took children too. I’m sure she told my ex-father every word I said against him. As I tried to help her escape so we could all escape. Somehow I saw her more as a victim than my abuser for a long time. Until adulthood when I realized she was an abuser in her own right. She didn’t even try to console the babies she carried (admittedly mostly the wrong ways) like my grandmother did for my ex-father and his siblings. She was all about herself and not working and living off someone. An unbelievable Narcissist and I didn’t realize it at the time. I believe she got pregnant on purpose because her poor, widowed mother who she lived with (also leeched from) said she had to get a job! She and my ex-father were more alike than I thought. Not sure why I was protective of her when I knew she hated me fro calling her out on her “motherly obligation to protect her children by getting away from my ex-father”. But no. She idolized him! We were a means for her to keep him. “His responsibility to support-however. Even criminally.
Speaking as you did about Adult Children and their WANTS-My ex-parents were so entitled and depraved that when they had several children and my ex-father’s criminal activities (all of which were carried out right in front of us-including the selling of porn out of our basement and my ex-father’s addiction to watching that porn for hours in our basement) they decided to defraud the welfare system. Pretend there was no father. A single mother with four kids. Abandoned by her husband. All false! They got free monthly checks, child support, medical coverage, free bulk foods regularly, Christmas and other gifts..and my ex-father took the lion’s share. As all Adult Children would. I’d see him actually hide under the bed when the social worker made a surprise home visit! How low can one go? I was repulsed by all this. Planning my escape all along. I only got out by getting married (to another abuser) at age 21 when I graduated in state college while having to miserably still live at home. Not allowed to leave the home for college although I could go anywhere for free due to the welfare which would have paid in full. Iron fist rules by ex-father. Yet that hypocrite watched other father’s daughters likely forced into making porn movies. I hated that thought. The best/worst part is they claimed to be “born again Christians” most all this time from from when I was in elementary school. They’d followed a false teacher aunt who lived upstairs and said they had to say the Sinner’s Prayer to avoid going to hell. No change in behavior or heart needed. She STILL tells them that in their 90s! NO FEAR OF THE REAL GOD! She told the whole clan of her siblings and their spouses and their children and grandchildren the same. Poor souls all think they are born again because SHE says so. None read the Bible for themselves. None have changed their hearts or behavior. They take her word for it. With their very eternal lives on the line.
Praise God He intervened and got me and my husband out of their sphere after my ex-family planned a vicious weapon attack on us as retaliation for our boundary setting on their abusive behavior and reviling speech to me and my husband and our consequences of long No Contact periods. They “hoovered”/duped us back for one Christmas with their usual fake apologies and tears of “missing us” and we falsely thought we HAD to forgive them 7 X 70 times. Because that’s the false stuff we were taught. Even by our church and church friends who knew about their abuses and their fake masks of “Christianity”. Without any repentance or restitution for the permanent major injuries to my husband from their attack, their attempts to attack me first with the weapon, their lies to police to spite us and get BOTH the attacker-without a scratch on him-who police arrested on weapon felony assault and battery-and falsely arrest my bludgeoned and bleeding, concussed husband on “disorderly” charge based on my ex-father’s lies that “he started it”. Talk about a Man Child! The evidence said very different. One-sided attack.
No remorse for ALL that and so much more and they still smear us every chance they get for calling the police on them. THAT is the “sin” all the clan/cult blames us for. And abandoned us en masse as a result. My ex-siblings took the side of their own abusers. And recruited allies against us with lies. Pushing the narrative that they were the victims. They still do that to this day. They’ve always enabled and covered up for the abuses. Even their own. As have all my ex-relatives and church and lifelong ex-“friends”.
SO easily we were erased. Truth tellers almost always suffer this fate.
But we are free of them at last!! God MADE me see what they are. And that “family” is not to be idolized. And forgiveness is not for the wicked. God doesn’t forgive the unrepentant and habitually wicked. We are to JUDGE, EXPOSE and NOT ASSOCIATE WITH “those who call themselves brothers and sisters and engage habitually and unrepentantly in ongoing sin”. And those who support them.
Sorry this turned out to be so long. My life story could be several novels. But it’s all true sadly. And there are hundreds of other stories like these within my life story.
It’s just Jesus and my husband and our dog as our family unit now. No real friends made in the 7 years we’ve been ostracized and vilified for using the criminal and civil justice systems to finally hold them accountable.
I know there are worse stories out there with more damaged victims. I’m blessed to be alive still. And to have a loving supportive husband after I messed up and normalized abuse in my first desperate attempt to escape home by marrying ASAP.
I am blessed to love Jesus despite the warped false “Jesus” portrayed to me by terrible false hypocrite teachers in my ex-family. I may have run from Jesus for many years due to their hypocrisy, bad doctrine and horrible examples of Christianity. But the Lord always had His loving eye on me even before I fully committed to Him.
The lyrics to a song mean so much to me:
“All my life You have been faithful.
All my life You have been so so good!
And every breath that I am able
I will sing of the goodness of God.”
He was ALWAYS there with me. Helping me. And I survived without being enmeshed in the filth and perversions my siblings succumbed to. God kept me separated. And I was hated for that.
Then I led my husband to Jesus. The right way! We serve Him from our hearts. We have changed our lives and behaviors to obey God and show good fruit.
We’ve learned that isolation is better than bad company. And that Jesus is always enough. He set us free forevermore. And we know we will reign with Him eternally!!
To a story/life dominated by Adult Children who spent their lives throwing tantrums and ruining lives and giving Christianity a bad name:
A HAPPY ENDING! 🙌🏽

I thought I had three children but actually had four!! My husband was a covert aggressive narcissist who constantly told me “nobody will believe anything you say”. I tried desperately to find somebody to support me. As an immigrant wife married to a clergyman who had an adoring, worshipping gathering I had to do something extraordinary to survive. To flourish was completely out of the question. Protecting three very clever children was a full time job and to keep the influence of their father required a master stroke of genius!!! My greatest achievement was to cut all ties with a hugely flawed human being and not to fear homelessness as the Church provided no support. Further achievements were setting my three children free, gaining a Master’s degree and a research position, purchasing my own home all the while supporting ex-clergy wives in similar positions. My most loyal buddy Jesus with his loving father have been my supporters and guides all my life performing miracles while teaching me to trust their guidance unconditionally. Blessings

“RASNs (revilers, abusers, sociopaths, narcissists) have never grown up. Many of their wicked tactics reveal their selfish childishness. They are going to have their way, or else.”

And they will NEVER grow up.

To paraphrase a quote from a TV show, “When you think you’re immortal, all that’s left is idle play.”

Those with a worthless mind (Romans 1:28) are “sealed” eternally. They cannot do any introspection because their conscience is seared and they perceive themselves as god. So they can NEVER grow up, per God’s dictate. They LOVE what they are (Isaiah 66:3)

As a result of their worthless mind being incapable of learning truth, love for others, and therefore living in reality, they are always bored. (After all, they are god…what more do they need to learn?) To relieve this boredom, they MUST create chaos. We get a great look at how the Worthless One thinks by observing his worthless spiritual children.

They are ONLY here to steal, kill, and destroy. ONLY! John 10:10.

The bible gives us the truth and the answers. Now that I’m well versed in the evil and horror of the worthless mind, I see how far the “churches” are from the truth. I hate evil and will be glad when Jesus comes back bringing justice