I have one question for pastors, counselors, and anyone else who wants to “counsel” a domestic abuse victim. Actually I have several questions such as “can you tell me what domestic abuse is?” Or, “Tell me how a domestic abuse case differs from other types of marriage counseling cases.”
But here is the one I have in mind right now. It’s really a request:
Please write out a list for me of the books that you have read on the subject of domestic abuse, particularly domestic abuse by people who claim to be Christians. And then tell me what you learned.
Guess what? I know the answer. Crickets. With very, very rare exceptions they haven’t read anything written by people who really understand this evil, but worse – they still insist that they are “competent to counsel.”
I guess a followup question as I held their blank list in my hand would be, then don’t you think it would be wise to stop telling victims what to do until you know what you are talking about?
But they won’t. They won’t listen. They will just keep right on practicing medicine without ever going to med school or being an intern.
Name Omitted
I really wonder just how few marriage counseling clients should actually be there at a counselor’s office. I suspect most of the clients are actually inappropriate because with domestic abuse, there is no need for counseling, and it’s actually dangerous for the victim. But it’s rare that domestic abuse is presented or revealed as the abuser usually has the victim confused and duped into thinking their horrible marriage is the fault of both parties. Evil is deceptive. Abusers are all too happy to have their wives be told to work on their part of the problems and to become better partners for the abusers.
Love your work, Pastor! Thanks for all your posts in addition to your books.
frankiesmith2064
This is so true!! I’m sick to my stomach when I think of this. Evil abusers confuse their victims. It’s disgusting!!
Justme
Good stuff!!!! So true.
I Woke Up
Being a patient might open their eyes! But most of these jokers will never have to endure that, because most are men who have wives spiritually beaten into life-long submission. The women counselors who espouse such evil ignorance are as blind as someone with clods of mud caked over their eyes. Oh, and they churn out books full of lies that victims lap up only to realize later they’re still stuck in the same misery and are even deeper in than before. It’s vile and disgusting what these false teachers do to victims.
To victims out there reading this blog and comments who are new to this journey out, you are on the right track! It may feel like you are living in a spiritual fog, not sure which way is up.You may be so downtrodden and depressed you don’t know if you will make it out alive. DON’T GIVE UP. Pray night and day, day and night, for your own wisdom, discernment, strength, and courage! THE HOLY SPIRIT WILL WALK BESIDE YOU AND CARRY YOUR LOAD. Continue to be here and places like this. Educate yourself. Be willing to think and live outside the box that your abuser and his cohorts have put you in. You will have to in order to get free.
Are you in a place where you don’t know if you’re really a victim or are maybe just too sensitive and are a disobedient wife? The Holy Spirit is nudging you and sent you here. Remember, abuse encompasses physical, sexual, EMOTIONAL, AND SPIRITUAL. These last two are RAMPANT and UNCHECKED in our churches! Educate yourself in GOD’S WORD and with those, like Jeff Crippen, who are carrying the torch for us and for truth.
Thank you, Pastor Crippen, again, for keeping on sharing your insights. I don’t know why I felt led to write all this today, but I do hope it encourages someone out there. Been there, done that, as the saying goes. I was encouraged by your recent post about maturing in the word. It’s vital!
Jeff Crippen
Thank you!! Very encouraging words
Name Omitted
This is such a good comment, I Woke Up!
I wish I’d had gotten my hands on Pastor Crippen’s books so long ago, but instead I consumed so many books that rank on the Books to Never to be Read by a Victim of DV, full of bad, dangerous, victim-blaming advice.
And this blog is great because we get to learn from each other and see we are not alone by reading comments by other Christians. It’s really helpful.
C
Jay Adams
Ugh!
Heather
Jeff,
Nice article. Very very true. They need a degree and trauma abuse experience. I literally for myself prefer an extremely highly intelligent Masters degree or higher with much experience in this type of abuse. And I’m pretty snarky at this point about it. Let’s put it this way if your a professed believer counseling woman in this area without experience I’m pretty outspoken. I’ve seen too many of them to have any patience or nicey niceness. 😖Guess I’ve come a long way. 🙂. Heather
Jeff Crippen
“Pretty outspoken.” Definitely!! Good for you.
Jade
This is exactly what I am experiencing at my current church. The lead pastor had told me that they did not want to shelter abusers and did want to be a safe place for victims, but then I was transferred to their Women’s Ministry leader who is a “Pastoral Counsellor.” What was her immediate advice? Couples counselling. I told her that I had been specifically warned AGAINST doing that, but she said we had to obey God’s word above all else. She said she had experience in counselling couples through abusive situations. I asked her if she had any abuse-specific training, and she admitted she did not. That told me what I needed to know. And of course when I then refused to meet with her for further counsel, the elders told me I was being hard-hearted and not submitting to their leadership.
Jeff Crippen
As soon as a church leadership claims to have authority over you in such a case, you can conclude that they are not out to help, but will end up doing you harm. The only authority a church has in an abuse case is in regard to the sinner – namely, the abuser. And their authority is to confront the abuser and ultimately put them out of the church unless they repent (which isn’t going to happen). You will not find anywhere in the Bible that tells an abuse victim that they need the permission of their church leaders in order to leave and/or divorce. That women’s ministry leader is equivalent to a person insisting you let them perform surgery on you when they aren’t a surgeon.