Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church

Evil People Lie – They are of their father, the Chief of Liars

John 8:44 ESV  You are of your father the devil, and your will is to do your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies.

When we learn about the mentality and tactics of domestic abusers, sociopaths, narcissists and all that entire company of wicked ones, we see that in so many (and I suppose we could even say “all”) of their methods, lying is at the root of the thing. Deception. Slander. Reviling. Crazy-making. Accusing. All of it is based upon this one fundamental evil – lying.
You notice in the Scripture above why this is the case. The devil is not only a liar, he is the father of lies. He is the originator of lying. And he spawns lying offspring. If the devil’s mouth is open, he is lying. And so it is with his sons and daughters.

Now, it is long past time for us to believe this. No matter how smooth, how convincing, how sincere-sounding the devil’s children are, if their lips are moving, they are lying. To one degree this is true of all people who are not in Christ. Lying and sin go hand in hand. But there are these more polished, sophisticated, convincing evil-doers who lie that we want to consider here.
If we are going to stop being duped by them, we have to acknowledge and believe that these seeds of Satan can look us square in the eye without blinking, they can look right into the camera, and lie with no pangs of conscience or guilt. You have seen it often in the media when an abuser who murdered his wife pleads with the public to please find his beloved and bring her home safe to him. Then later it turns out the guy had murdered her himself. And everyone says, “it can’t be. Look how he even had tears in his eyes.”
In our ignorance and arrogance (and that is a deadly combination) we are prone to believe evil false reports about victims made by wicked liars, and to disbelieve true reports made by victims! Read that last sentence again. It is mind-blowing. But we must admit it. There is a tendency in us if we aren’t wise to believe the wicked and discount the righteous.  And I think that partly this is reinforced by a couple of things:

  1. The wicked are smooth-talkers. They are skilled at their deceptive trade.
  2. The righteous, especially abuse victims, have doubts about what is happening to them. They don’t exude to confidence and cunning that the wicked do.

So let’s wise up here in regard to this thing. Mr. Abuser, you are lying. How do I know? Because I know what you are. And I know that you are talking. Just like your father the devil, you speak out of your own character. And I am on to you.


An Update on our Friend Mack


A Short Post Consisting of Just one Question


  1. Name Omitted

    There has been research done that shows abusers will overestimate the faults, negatives, or so-called violence of the real victim, while the abused victim will UNDERreport the violence, abuse, and damages she has suffered at the hands of the abuser.
    Indeed, it is as you say, Pastor, that victims are unsure, usually anxious, doubtful, and also speaking of the brainwashing the abuser has done. They reiterate what has been drilled into them by the abuser. She is a bad wife. She provoked him. He is stressed. He is tired. She nags him…..
    Depending on how severe and prolonged the abuse, it takes a long while before the abused starts to have a voice of her own. Usually needs extensive counseling with the counselor pointing out the false narrative the abuser brainwashed into her. Education and help from domestic violence advocates. Reading books and blogs like yours. And then she can start to identify more what happened to her. And yes, it was serious. Yes, it was bad. And he indeed was the abuser, not her (as he falsely claimed).
    All sorts of stuff.
    Deception is so hard. I wish I knew how to strengthen that inner voice or intuition and develop flight or fight, instead of freeze, tend & befriend/fawn. Does anyone have any advice or experiences to share in developing such?
    Perhaps we should make it a habit to assume everything is a lie until proven otherwise? Times are bad and I believe there are way, way more bad people than good. Seems like everywhere one goes there are more liars, abusers, scammers, etc.

  2. anonymous

    But how many of us become liars ourselves over the years? We conceal what is going on. We feel the need to maintain HIS image (especially if you are married to a preacher). We only give good reports. We live a lie ourselves.
    It was only when I couldn’t stand living the lie any more, couldn’t stand seeing the hurt he had caused in others that they could just walk away from and be done with him while I did my loyal job of standing by my man, it was then that the Lord opened my eyes to truth, showed me the bondage I was living under, and enabled me to finally speak the truth that needed to be spoken.

  3. Aimee

    So true! Thank you.

    • sweethonesty7

      “Deception. Slander. Reviling. Crazy-making. Accusing.
      All of it is based upon this one fundamental evil – lying.”
      This is so freeing, but 1st it gives me a pit in my stomach
      because of the realization the whole marriage was one
      big lie; a cover for his evil deeds done in secret.
      Victims make abusers look good.
      They lie long after the divorce too.
      I was suppose to be able to see my children this month,
      but the ex (abuser) told them that he had to be the one
      to see them on a particular day, because he would not
      be granted anymore time off afterward. I knew *instantly* it was a lie.
      They’ve been gaslighted so much they find it hard to see
      the truth until I explain and give concrete examples. It’s
      exhausting for me and the children. I also knew he was up
      to more than just stealing that time from me. I can’t mention the specifics, but in my gut I knew there were other reasons
      for the schedule he arranged with them.
      “these seeds of Satan can look us square in the eye without
      blinking, they can look right into the camera, and lie with no
      pangs of conscience or guilt.”
      I use to think their eyes or some body language would give
      them away, but I learned from a professional that it’s not true.
      Professionals have methods that will give them the answers
      they are looking for, or in other words, the truth without any
      use of body language.
      The ex (abuser) majored in the “no blink” while he lied with
      a tone as smooth as velvet.

  4. frankiesmith2064

    During my abuse at the hands of a church leader, domestic abuser/criminal and his group of flying monkeys —“the Ministry team”.
    I was the victim of a smear campaign. Lies were told and believed about me to justify the abuse, the bullying by exclusion, domestic violence, the smear campaign.
    Now they lie to minimize the abuse and blame it on the circumstances or excuse it saying —That was years ago!! How can you hold someone accountable for what they did years ago!
    Is there a statute of limitations on someone’s character being assassinated? How about attempted murder of someone’s faith? That’s what abuse is—especially in a church group. It’s a strategic attack on someone’s faith in God!
    It was a strategic attack on my faith and my life. Had I stayed with my abuser I may be dead now.
    My spirit would have surely died while the church group sat back and rejoiced at my downfall. Blaming me-saying of course she deserved it.
    This blog gave me the courage to speak my truth.
    When I did of course I was not believed or supported. I was accused of not being forgiving.
    There was nor has ever been any hint of real repentance by any of these losers. Yet they still hold positions of honor in churches. It’s so infuriating!! They still profess to be Christians! Yet hate those who truly want to serve Jesus!
    They are like their father the devil. Still lying after all these years. Still wearing the fake mask of goodness. Still looking innocent with the fake angelic expression. Just like the murderer Chris Watts when he pleaded for the return of his family. He looked innocent too until he was caught and the truth was revealed!!
    May truth come quickly and justice be served for all victims of the evil these wolves in sheep’s clothing who continue to dish out their evil.
    Please Jesus deliver us from evil and justify your
    Children. .

  5. walkinginlight

    I was able to expose my slanderer in my case. He told all kinds of vicious fabricated lies about me to boost himself up as the righteous Mr. know it all. Boy, was he enraged when I had a document that I mailed out to everyone to expose his vicious slander of me. He was so mad that he made a veiled threat through another relative to have me exterminated!! Just pure rotten evil he is. He and all others like himself forget that God very clearly states all through the bible that “LIARS” will be thrown into the lake of fire with their father the devil.

  6. Innoscent

    This begs the question of the responsibility of pastors, and leaders to actually teach in a thorough and practical way the full scope of the 9th commandment (and the others as well). And to boldly describe the profiles of liers one by one and the red flags to look for. Had I been taught in such a way in my early years as a Christian, how much different my life would have been!
    The thing is today’s leaders aren’t clear themselves on the topic, which also they deem “negative”, best to preach about love, or the blessing returned to you by tithing, or any soft and positive, feel-good messages. Most of them lack courage and true love for souls under their care. They should be preparing soldiers in Christ’s army to fight against the wiles of the devil, and teach them from the Word to equip them for every day’s spiritual battle. Paul says we are in perilous time!!

  7. Aimee

    I’ve just this week been made the subject of a lying accusatory email. It’s just appalling and – yes – the lies have been concocted by professing Christians. It makes me afraid.

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