Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church

The Wicked Work to Alienate Others Against Us

Proverbs 26:24-26 ESV  Whoever hates disguises himself with his lips and harbors deceit in his heart;  (25)  when he speaks graciously, believe him not, for there are seven abominations in his heart;  (26)  though his hatred be covered with deception, his wickedness will be exposed in the assembly.

It is a very consistent evil. The wicked work to turn people against the righteous. This deceit can take many forms, but I will just give you one example in this post.

Years ago we had a man in our church who disguised himself as a most eminent, godly “saint.” A real servant of the church, you know. Always at every meeting. Always at every project day. Serving in this capacity and that. Always the one to greet newcomers. The fellow who had the “right” Bible answers in a class.
But as the years passed by, we woke up to his tactics. He was always at work gaining the trust and admiration of newcomers, of young people, and of adults who took him up on his offer to “disciple” them.  It seemed he always had time to show up at any ministry we started – and he was always at work ingratiating himself to the people. And of course as it turned out, these evil efforts also tended to alienate those people from the rest of us.
This guy was energized by a lust to be worshipped. In spite of his cloak of fake humility, he was in reality the chief of self-glory seekers. And he was also motivated then by a craving to turn people against the Lord’s true people and ministry. He hated us, though he pretended to love us. His ability to keep up that disguise became more and more difficult for him over the years as the truth of Scripture being preached and taught increasingly exposed him.
This thing happens of course to domestic abuse victims. Their abuser always has his radar up for potential friends or allies of the victim. Sometimes he will just use more forceful tactics to run them off, but often he will approach them more subtlely, get their ear, and work to turn them against the victim. It might be her employer, a new friend, fellow church members – anyone who he perceives as a potential ally to her. And as we experienced in our church, he may do all these things while wearing his cloak of holiness – all of it done “in the name of the Lord,” of course.
Read the verses from Proverbs quoted above again. God’s Word exposes it all.


Pharaoh Pursuing the Israelites is a Perfect Picture of the Abuser


+++One of the Worst Letters I Have Seen From a Pastor to an Abuse Victim


  1. Anonymous

    Yes, this strikes a cord with me. My ex approaches other church members or friends ‘out of concern for me’ and asks them to pray for me as a guise to alienate me and spread lies about me. He would call my dad, asking for his ‘advice’ on how to help me. He cried because he’s was so concerned and heartbroken that I was pursuing a divorce. He told people he would always love me and didn’t want the divorce, but he was already pursuing other women online before the divorce was even finalized. The hypocrisy just makes me sick.

  2. walkinginlight

    Unfortunately I have several relatives (I should say abusers) who have done this very thing to me. The family members who stole my inheritance away from me tried to turn my own mother against me. They were working on her for months and months on end trying to get her to believe that what they did to me was “righteous”. That I was a “horrible” person for not jumping the first time they cornered me to sign my inheritance over to them. When I see and hear Nancy Pelosi speak on TV, I immediately think of them. They are just like her. Sweet is bitter and bitter is sweet. Good is evil and evil is good.
    Then I have had the anti-husband (will always remember with fondness Ida Mae who coined that name) whisper lies about me to our children when they were growing up. He would always create some abusive episode and then put a spin on it to paint me as the villain and he the poor man who just can’t catch a break! He would try real hard to get the children to feel sorry for him so he did not have to take responsibility for the evil behavior. I thank the Lord that my children did not buy into his lie as they knew he was the problem, dealing with him themselves. They were smart to his antics and one day my son told his father that if he did not stop the ugly behavior that he would end up a lonely old man.
    They are evil people the way they take a wonderful conscientious wife and try to twist her into someone she is not, painting her in the most dark and ugly way. It is almost like they want her to reflect their dark, empty, evil soul. It is comforting to know that God will judge them in His righteousness and give each one of them the perfect punishment that they deserve.


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