When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. (1 Corinthians 13:11)

The Apostle Paul in the verse cited above did not have narcissists in mind. He was describing, by way of analogy, the Christian’s advancement from this present life into the full grasp of the kingdom of God. Nevertheless, the verse appropriately describes the subject I would like us to think some more about – namely – What is a narcissist’s emotional age.

Recently I was watching another session (on Youtube) from Dr. Les Carter in which he was dealing with this question – at what stage of human development is the narcissist? That is, what is a narcissist’s emotional age? He then went through a description of the stages of normal human development – zero to five, six to twelves, thirteen through 19, and into early adulthood. His conclusion is that narcissists generally have not advanced past stage two or perhaps into the early teen years. I agree and most of you will be nodding in agreement because you have experienced the selfish, tantrum-throwing, devious behavior of a chronological adult who is an emotional child.

Now, let me add this caveat – Many children are not totally selfish, tantrum-throwing, devious individuals! I don’t mean to class all children in these negative categories. The truth is that many children, healthy children with properly functioning, mentoring parents, are far more mature than narcissists. I am speaking here about the general qualities in children which positive parenting works to develop and the negative qualities which good parents strive to grow their children out of. We teach our children, for example, that it is not right to be selfish, or to lie, or to try to manipulate through a tantrum when they are denied something they want.

But narcissists are locked into emotional immaturity. The sins of childhood. They are incredibly self-centered, entitled, and have an exalted sense of superiority to others. They lie and work to deceive. They rage in anger when they are denied what they demand. Or they choose some other method of punishing others who fail to feed the RASN’s ego. These behaviors and attitudes are all characteristic of human beings when they enter this world. We all were selfish. We all threw some kind of anger tantrums. We pouted. Maybe we threw things or hit other people. But we matured if we had the healthy parenting and mentorship the Lord intends for us. And even if we did not have functional parents, if we came to know Christ, He worked in us “to will and to work according to His good pleasure.” These positive developments do not happen in the RASN. In fact, the negative qualities become increasingly pronounced. RASNs become more skilled at lying, punishing, using and manipulating.

I have seen individuals who claim to be Christians (most of my experience has been in the church these past 40 years)…I have seen people habitually lie, throw tantrums, work to punish others, many times. People who had even worked their way into leadership positions in the church. These are the kind of people that God’s Word cautions us about:

I appeal to you, brothers, to watch out for those who cause divisions and create obstacles contrary to the doctrine that you have been taught; avoid them. (Romans 16:17)

These are hidden reefs at your love feasts, as they feast with you without fear, shepherds feeding themselves; waterless clouds, swept along by winds; fruitless trees in late autumn, twice dead, uprooted; (Jude 1:12)

RASNs can very often portray “maturity” when in fact they are emotional children. People who have failed to develop and grow out of the self-centered era of childhood. And I think that it is very important for us all to be quite clear about this or we will be duped by these emotional infants. Such people can wear a convincing disguise of maturity, but it is just that – a disguise. When there is a conflict of some sort, the mask will slip. You may simply voice a suggestion for instance, and be met with an outburst of anger because your sole role, for the RASN, is to agree with and promote his or her platform. Differing thought is not to be tolerated.

RASNs are emotional, psychological, and spiritual children who have never advanced beyond the age of….let’s say 12 years? Perhaps even less than that. Just think about what that failure is going to introduce into a marriage or a family or a church or other relationships? Employees may be working for an employer who is a selfish child. Churches might have elders or even a pastor who is by nature a self-promoting child. Children in a family might have a parent who is less mature than they are! The thing turns relationships upside down.

RASNs are emotional children, and it is vital that we understand this or we will not realize what we are actually dealing with when a RASN comes along.