Most of you know that when a victim of an abuser (RASN = reviler, abuser, sociopath, narcissist) tells someone about the abuse she (or he) is experiencing, they often meet with disbelief. They are dismissed as over reacting to things that surely are not as bad as all of that.
Why is this?
There are more than just one reason, but I want to focus here on a very typical one. It has to do with the two-faced, disguise-wearing characteristic of RASNs. What this means is that the person WE see and interact with and the person (RASN) the VICTIM interacts with are two very different persons. The person she sees is a RASN. The person we see is often the finest, saintliest, kindest individual we know.
And that is why the abuse victim’s “story” strikes us as so unbelievable – at least as long as we are naive about how these RASNs operate.
I have probably told you before of a classic example of this which I experienced years ago. A man in our church worked for another one of our church members (we will call that one Fred). One day when I took the first fellow fishing, he said to me, “Pastor, there are two Freds. There is the one you know, the one you see at church, and then there is the one I have to work for through the week. That Fred was selfish, arrogant, devoid of empathy. The Fred at church…well…he was a different person altogether. The “Christian” Fred was no Christian at all. Fortunately I had enough experience by that time with these kind of people that I did not doubt what this fellow was telling me.
So, if we are going to properly help victims of RASNs, we need to be wise. We need to understand that RASNs put on a front in public arenas, like the church, when in fact they are really an entirely different person. As long as we continue to believe that such a thing is just not possible, then we have no business giving advice or counsel to a wife, for instance, who is married to a RASN.
Praise
Thank you for this Pastor Crippen!!!! This is exactly the way it is – two of them….. the one everyone sees and the real one they open full throttle on their target. It is a baffling maze as you watch people believe the RASN. There were a few people who, without question understood and saw what I had did…. the domestic violence hotline, the police, the shelter, my adult child, a believing friend who has been through this, and two counselors who worked with trauma victims …. and yet the abuser walked away from it all….. so….. I do know you understand and these others did…. and even with the hundreds+ who looked the other way…. or did not understand or care to… PRAISE the Lord for those who did and do understand satan and his RASN servants….
Francene Meinhold
I know this article concerns marriage and a narcissist/abuser, however, there are lots of people that are quiet, forgiving and loving Christians that keep overlooking the abuse until eventually that ragefull person explodes with anger and emotional, spiritual and psychological abuse on another person. This also means that at church two narcissists/abusers can victimize one church member together, they feed off each other in their arrogance and control. This is so upsetting to the good person who continually tries to rescue and forgive others until you cannot.
Jeff Crippen
Francene – Nailed it. My experience with these wicked types (RASNs as I call them – revilers, abusers, sociopaths, narcissists) has been primarily in the local churches I have pastored. Parading as Christians, they deceive, wear their disguise as “saints”, and the launch their attacks against the innocent who, as you say, are so often naive to this evil. The Lord has been gracious to me to eventually expose these evil ones for what they really are, but so often they drive genuine Christians away and then, continuing their deception, completely dominate and control the local church.