Eph 4:31  Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.

Being a target of a RASN (reviler, abuser, sociopath, narcissist) carries with it a danger which the victim can easily fall into if not on guard against it. That trap is bitterness.

Bitterness is an attitude, a mindset, which perceives the words and actions of others with a sourness. Bitterness attributes bad motives to others. It is a mindset that assumes and presumes that someone whose intentions are in fact good, are meant for the bitter person’s harm.

Most of you, perhaps, have had the unpleasant experience of dealing with a bitter person. You had nothing but noble intentions toward them. Your motives were upright and meant for their good. But then, seemingly out of the blue, their demeanor toward you changed. There was a tone of suspicion now in their words and the relationship soured, eventually ending.

What happens in those cases? Well, a bitter person’s mind habitually goes to an assumption that your words, actions, kindnesses, all have some sinister motive behind them. One such case that I experienced began it seemed, very well. I genuinely wanted to be kind and to help a person who had been a victim of domestic abuse. But eventually, their tone changed. The person started asking me questions that had a tone of accusation in them. Things kept deteriorating until the relationship crashed. When this happens, we are left wondering – “what did I do?”

Another bad experience I had was with a person in the church over 3 decades ago. From day one when I arrived as pastor, this person had a distrustful, unkind, accusatory attitude toward me. Nothing I could do would mend things. A month or so later, her adult son approached me and said “we all know that my mother is a bitter person. But we just accept and love her as she is.” It turns out that she had a history of failed relationships and became increasingly bitter. The reality was that my intentions were to work with her, help her in her responsibilities, and to be a friend. But all of that proved to be impossible.

You do not want to become that kind of person! We rightly desire justice for wrongs and evils done against us – but a hunger and thirst for righteousness is not bitterness. Bitterness will sabotage all of our relationships if we become a bitter person. And that is very, very sad. I genuinely feel pity for people trapped in bitterness. There really is no helping them.