Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church

The “Right Now” in the Moment Thinking of the Abuser

I recently heard Dr. Les Carter (find him on Youtube) mention this “right now” mentality of the narcissist and I wanted to call it to your attention. This is a very, very typical characteristic of the RASN (reviler, abuser, sociopath, narcissist) and it is one reason the Bible calls wicked people, fools.

RASNs do not think about the consequences of their abuse. They don’t look ahead. They only operate in the moment, and specifically in the moment when they engage their abusive, evil tactics. Largely this is because they want immediate satisfaction against their target. They want things like revenge. Vengeance is mine, says the RASN. And I will have it now.

But wait, Mr. RASN, did you ever take even a moment to consider the consequences of your actions? The answer is, “no.” He doesn’t. He doesn’t consider the harm his actions might do, or the longer-term effects. He doesn’t even consider the negative effects that will come about on himself! All he knows is that he has been “wronged,” and he is going to punish. He never mulls over even for a second wisdom like this:

So also the tongue is a small part of the body, and yet it boasts of great things. See how great a forest is set aflame by such a small fire! (James 3:5)

And so he destroys his marriage, he destroys his wife, he destroys and alienates his children, he harms himself economically, and he adds to the fires reserved for him on the Day of Judgment. But he gets his revenge, and that is all he cares about.


God Hands the Abuser Over to Evil – And it is Right to Escape


The Abuser is an Immature, Selfish Child


  1. Em

    Thank you Pastor, this is a great reminder!
    My psycho-sis has always said “I want my say” or “I will have my say”. Same idea, revenge, all about her. No contact since Feb. 2019, so much less stress for me and my family! And oddly, it feels like it’s only been a few weeks.

  2. Diane

    Is neglect in marriage abuse? I think it is, my spouse of course does not. I am 64 years old with alot of chronic health issues. My spouse refuses to love and take care of me. He says,” I cannot be worried about your health problems when I have my own.” He lives separate from me. Yet he still goes to church. He says he is not in love with me. Then he says he loves me and does not want any harm to come to me. He has many of the signs of an abuser. There’s no physical proof although my health has rapidly deteriorated under this destructive relationship. I’m sorry I went on a little long. I like your website. You have really good insight.

    • Jeff Crippen

      No apologies necessary. I appreciate your trust in sharing here. YES, neglect is a typical mark of abuse. In ways it is even more deceptive and heinous than more overt kinds of abuse. So many abuse victims suffer from chronic health issues as you do. Your abuser is storing up wrath from God for himself every single day. Especially because he claims to be a Christian and puts on an outward show of religion. He should be exposed for what he is and put out of the church – but don’t hold your breath for that to happen. Most churches won’t believe that the “fine saint” they know is in fact an evil man. You have every right before God to divorce this man, and yet I know that leaving is no easy thing. There are economic issues. There is the trauma of going through divorce court. So leaving is tough and it can be dangerous. Still, if you can leave this wicked spouse, walk through the door to freedom. I hope you will continue to join us here and feel free to share any time.

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