Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church

Divide and Conquer – a Tactic of Evil

Therefore I, the prisoner of the Lord, implore you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love, being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.
(Eph 4:1-3)

As many of you know from hard experience, RASNs (revilers, abusers, sociopaths, narcissists) and other evil people, sow seeds of discord as a tactic to maintain power and control. That is always what everything they do is about – PC (Power and Control). They divide so that they can conquer.

You have seen it in your families. Domestic abusers work to pit children against parent, extended family against their target victim, friends against friends. There is an account of a famous English Admiral (can’t recall his name) who saw two of his officers arguing heatedly on deck during England’s war with the French. The admiral grabbed them both by the collar, spun them around toward the sea where a French warship was approaching, and said “Gentlemen, THERE is the enemy!” We cannot fight effectively if we are fighting with one another.

Evil people of every category are divisive people:

Now I urge you, brethren, keep your eye on those who cause dissensions and hindrances contrary to the teaching which you learned, and turn away from them. For such men are slaves, not of our Lord Christ but of their own appetites; and by their smooth and flattering speech they deceive the hearts of the unsuspecting.
(Rom 16:17-18)

Abusers turn children and grandchildren against parent and grandparent. They sow division between their target victim and her friends. Why? In part just to punish. but primarily to gain allies for the abuser himself. This adds to his power. The Apostle Paul warns us of this and tells us to carefully watch anyone who causes dissensions and to turn away from them, refusing to listen to their “smooth and flattering speech” which they use to gain us as their ally in wickedness.

Allies of evil. Now there is another related topic. How the RASN works to gain allies for his evil cause. Suddenly an abuse victim’s friends at church grow distant and cool. Relatives and friends pressure the victim to work harder in the marriage. Abuse victims have often even lost their jobs due to the abuser’s craftiness in influencing their employer. Children and grandchildren are brainwashed and lied to, distancing them from their mother. The thing is absolutely and sadly typical.

There IS a division which is of the Holy Spirit. Paul says it in his words quoted above. We are to divide, to separate from – evil. From people who cause wicked division. Turn away from THEM. Far too often we see local churches turning away from the wrong person while the divider remains among them.


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Does Time Heal all Wrongs?

1 Comment

  1. Lynn

    RASNs will do all they can to cut off and alienate any family member that doesn’t surrender full power and control over to them. It’s why when I went no contact with my RASN parents, I had to cut off the whole extended family tree. I have no doubt that my parents have made me the villain of their story, They believe that if it wasn’t for me, they’d have everything they want and deserve, It’s not true, but those are the kinds of lies that RASNs tell themselves to justify their actions.

    It wasn’t until I really began to understand and believe what Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 5:11 that is wasn’t only right and healthy for me to leave my RASN family behind, it was part of my duty as a disciple and follower of Jesus. The last five years have been a hard fought journey, but it is worth it. God is faithful and has sustained me in this journey of healing and self-discovery. It takes time to peel away the layers of deception that RASNs attach to you in order to keep you under their control. It takes time to heal from the wounds inflicted on me by my family, by those who profess Christ but are not his. It takes time to heal from the wounds of false teachers masquerading as godly men.

    We are not to associate with hypocrites in the body of Christ. We are not supposed to cover their sin, minimize or make excuses. We are to call them to repentance and then watch their behavior. If they repent and do the works that are associated with it over a specific length of time as determined by the person or people they inflicted harm on, then we can rejoice. If they don’t repent, then stop associating with them.

    If you are feeling anxious or guilty about considering leaving RASNs who are abusing you, know that is not what God wants for you. He wants you to be to free to live the life he’s given you so you can use the gifts he’s given you to serve others and provide for yourself and those you are responsible for. Use wisdom. Pray for guidance and direction about what God wants you to do. Have faith that no matter what happens, if you are in Christ, He is with you. He is for you. He will provide a way when there doesn’t appear to be one.

    For whom the son sets free is free indeed.


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