Micah 2:1-2 Woe to those who devise wickedness and work evil on their beds! When the morning dawns, they perform it, because it is in the power of their hand. (2) They covet fields and seize them, and houses, and take them away; they oppress a man and his house, a man and his inheritance.
One of the most difficult obstacles standing in the way of a “normal” person (that’s you) coming to understand just who an abuser is in essence is coming to the realization of the thoroughness of these wicked ones. In part this is because we do not think like the abuser does, but our default setting in this regard is to believe that abusers DO think like we do. Wrong. The scripture quoted above from Micah goes a long way in helping us cross this hurdle.
Think about this. When the kind of person that we call an abuser (often also correctly labeled a sociopath, psychopath, narcissist)…when this kind of person is apparently “in neutral,” – sitting on the couch, laying in bed, relaxing – they aren’t. The evil machinations of their mind are turning. Check it out in Proverbs:
Proverbs 4:16-17 For they cannot sleep unless they have done wrong; they are robbed of sleep unless they have made someone stumble. (17) For they eat the bread of wickedness and drink the wine of violence.
The food and drink of the wicked is wickedness! Your abuser actually feeds on and is energized by the abuse he/she lays on you. You have difficulty sleeping if you are hungry. So does the abuser, but his “food” is the cruelty he practices upon others. Do you want to understand just how different he is from you? Get hold of these truths and you will go a long way toward that understanding.
Coming to realize all of this, you will begin to know your abuser as he really is. You will stop making excuses for him (which we all tend to do at first). You will stop falling for falsehoods other people lay on you – “really he is a good person. None of us are perfect.” And you will stop blaming yourself.