Scott Allen Johnson wrote the first book that I ever read about abusers (domestic and/or sexual). It opened my eyes to what had been happening to me as a pastor for over 20 years at the hands of power and control seekers, spiritual abusers, all of whom used their wicked devices to discourage me and destroy my ministry. All of course were wearing pious, holy disguises and had everyone duped. I am convinced that the Lord put this book in my hands at just the right time, and the lights went on. Johnson was writing about the wicked people who I had been attacked by for years and now I understood the nature of this evil.
Look at this paragraph from Johnson’s book. He is writing here about the victim of sexual abuse by the victim’s father, but I am sure that you will all see that this scenario is exactly the same when a victim of domestic abuse of any kind blows the whistle:
The perpetrator has psychologically abused his entire family, as listed above. But it is the victim who often inadvertently becomes the target of blame by the perpetrator, mother, and siblings. Often the father is not allowed to have any contact with his victim, and this prevents him from visiting the home and other siblings. Resentment begins to build. I have been involved with several cases where the victim leaves the home to live elsewhere. It appears on the surface that the victim’s intentions have nothing to do with the sexual abuse that occurred, but rather other issues. If the victim lives elsewhere, the perpetrator is then often allowed to return home. This constitutes an enormous power play. The victim returning home would once again result in the father leaving, an overt punishment and negative consequence for the mother and other siblings. Do not for a minute believe that the victim’s decision to live outside of the home was in anyway unaffected by the sexual assault. Scott Allen Johnson. Physical Abusers and Sexual Offenders: Forensic and Clinical Strategies (Kindle Locations 290-295). Kindle Edition.
See it? The victim is the one who catches the heat. If she had “just kept quiet” about what either never happened or what was not a big deal, then all would be well. Family finances would not be suffering due to the father going to jail. The family image would be intact, be it a false one. Poor dad. He isn’t allowed to come home and visit the family. And you can bet that an abuser will play that pity card all he can. Everyone seems to forget where the real blame lays – with the abuser who perpetrated his evil in the first place.