Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church

The Wicked Use Bribery Against the Righteous

Exodus 23:8  And you shall take no bribe, for a bribe blinds the clear-sighted and subverts the cause of those who are in the right.
Proverbs 17:23  The wicked accepts a bribe in secret to pervert the ways of justice.

If  you search the Bible for the word “bribe” and its various forms, you will be surprised I think at how many times it is the subject of Scripture. This should tell us to be wise to this evil and very common tactic.  In my previous post I talked about how the wicked use false witnesses against the righteous and mentioned that such liars are often recruited with a bribe.
So it is today.

One of the greatest evils we see in so many arenas in the world: government, business, religion and even in medicine – is bribery. I suspect that if we knew just how widespread this wickedness is we would despair of any justice ever being done.
Domestic abusers use bribes to gain allies. Why are abusers so often treated royally by their churches? Because in so many cases they are making financial contributions to the offering plate. Why are abusers so frequently victorious in court against their victim? Because they are able to hand cash to a cutthroat attorney. Bribes, both literal and more often informal are a powerful weapon for oppression of the innocent. Domestic abusers so often use money and gifts to win the children over to “their side.” And I suppose that there have even been literal cash bribes given to judges by abusers to load the court case against the victim.
God sees it all. He knows every single financial exchange that has ever or will ever occur. He knows the motive of the person paying and that of the person accepting. Every penney. Nothing escapes his eye. The Lord hates a bribe. And the Lord cannot be bribed. Nope. Many wicked people are trying. They think they can bribe God just like they bribe everyone else. Won’t happen. Never. Both the bribe giver and the bribe taker are going down. Literally. Into hell on the Day when Christ comes to render to all according to their deeds.


Excellent Thoughts from My Friends


"He has Really Changed – You Need to go Talk to Him"


  1. Debby

    We have all seen so many Hollywood movie literal bribes that it’s hard to see beyond that visual. This post has got me thinking of all the ways bribes are used. Abusers use bribes to get the victim to back away from truth. Getting flowers after abuse creates cognitive dissonance bc you can’t reconcile abuse with beautiful expensive flowers. You have to view them as poisonous.
    This also made me think of how so many Christians, real or fake, use works to try and bribe God. It’s like a person, out of love, unexpectedly, undeservedly, pays your massive hospital bill and you spend the rest of your days trying to slip him a $20 under the table. I can see how detestable that must be. I think some folks just can’t wrap their brain around His unconditional love, the free gift. But there are others, fake church-goers, who don’t even acknowledge what God has done but make a huge show of how “spiritual” and “giving” they are.

    • Jeff Crippen

      Good thoughts and observations Debby. Thank you a bunch!

    • Mhiggins

      When I was married to my abuser I couldn’t figure out how our Christian counselor begin counseling with us telling me that I was being abused and needed to go to the women’s crisis center for help. To then telling me that I was the one lighting the fuse that would make him blow because I secretly desired to get him in trouble with the law.
      He was the one who always paid her. He paid for little else in our marriage and kept me financially drained, but, the counselor he insisted on paying. I was so naive, I thought that it was his way of contributing to us getting well. And he was always very generous as it was donation-based.
      When the marriage was over I discovered that part way through our counseling with her my husband had given her a loan of $1200 it all made sense.
      Bribery definitely helped him. And it was so covert. They are so proficient.

      • Mya

        I just wanted to say the Lord was there and is with you and loves you. God bless you

  2. M

    This has been my story. The abuser has essentially bought his way out of his abusive past and present, while he continues to threaten me in the divorce and try and bribe me into lying to the court for him. Thank you for publishing this, it was a relief to see the biblical application of what I have been enduring for years now.

    • Jeff Crippen

      M – I have had this bribe thing pulled on me too. After I realized what was really going on, I always “returned to sender” any such gifts or offers. After some time they quit coming.

  3. Rae Radika

    The abuser may also use bribery by means of lying to trap the victim to side with them. He might bait with nice things at first. Knowing that his victim will take the bait. Promising other things that take up more of his resources than he is willing to invest. He won’t follow through. Eventually his lies become apparent. I’ve looked back at how charming and deceitful his actions really were/ are. Hook and bait. The deceived are blind to his tactics.

    • Cara

      It’s interesting you used “hook and bait” in your comment. My abuser bragged about “hook, line, and sinker” and had I not been so afraid of him and his allies, I’d have been more disgusted in the moment. It’s really sickening seeing evil brag about being evil and know you’re with a psychopath. That the legal arena basically tripped over themselves to bow down and lick his evil toes is beyond appalling. Evil recognizes evil. Lawyers are such predatory, criminal, corrupt psychopaths themselves. People who really get off on deceiving, tricking, duping, and manipulating people make my stomach turn.
      Intimidation, threats, and violence are on the other side of bribes. As Debby recognized, those flowers after beating you are but poisonous bribes. But many a traumatized women take such because they know they’ll be hurt worse if they don’t accept such “gifts”.
      But for those who have power? Who take bribes? I have nothing but contempt for such low-life scoundrels. They are not just siding with abusers, they are profiting from it. Actively profiting.

  4. Z

    Unfortunately, this is my life story too. And the only solution-way, way too late in my life-was to go No Contact…(with my family and) with all those who took and still take the bribes in my extended “family”, “Christian friends” in churches, lifelong “friends”, pastors and church leaders, pretty much everyone in my life who KNEW of the abuse all my life and were either enablers, allies or kept silent. All professing “Christians”.. They all CHOSE the bribes and known evil instead when it was more openly exposed after they criminally violently attacked me. So I’m well rid of these evil people…
    But it’s HARD! Necessary 100%, but very hard aftereffects. And no guidebooks really to help a person through it. In my isolation, I have to start my life over, make a “family of choice” and try to make new friends later in life, as a retired person without a work, social or support circle of possible new “acquaintances”. Not an easy task! But Jesus is my TRUE FRIEND. He is the Waymaker and He specializes in the seemingly impossible. I’ll stick with Him. He never will fail or forsake or abandon me…

    • Cara

      I appreciate your comments, Z.
      Indeed, He is our Waymaker. He will never forsake us. We are His.
      And social isolation is so hard for most victims. It also makes victims super vulnerable, due to desperation, in needing those social contacts that distrust and caution are usually thrown aside due to the great need of new social circles.
      Good thing we have this blog.

    • sweethonesty7

      Z, every facet of our experience is mine, with the exception of retired. After 1 year I am still unemployed and need a job desperately. I am COMPLETELY without a friend here and 2000 miles from my hometown. While I was very sick at home he went to church and participated in activities outside the home. He lied about me to everyone he came in contact with and destroyed the friendships I had built.
      I’m not sure I even want new friends; I feel like I can’t trust anyone. I will say with certainty that I absolutely do not want anyone coming to where I dwell; it’s the only place I feel at ease.

      • Z

        Sweethonesty7, I’m so sorry you’ve been through this same cycle. Predictable but heartwrenching & agonizing just the same.
        The smears of the evil ones and their allies in evil do their “jobs” all too well. And we are left desolate. But it’s better than the agony of life with Thor evil ones.
        I agree with you that sometimes I don’t want to let the possibility of new “friends” manifest. I’ve lost much of my faith in people and trust is a big issue. Risky. But we have each other here. The victims who KNOW the devastation evil abusers and their minions wreaked upon us. We live with the mental and physical scars every day. I pray for us all. May Jesus heal every one of us to be able to live some sort of functional life, with His help, until He returns and brings us home with Him.

        • sweethonesty7

          Thank you, Z. I would appreciate prayers that I secure employment. My savings is dwindling rapidly.

          • Z

            sweethonesty7, You absolutely have my prayers for all your needs. Your healing from all the mental and/or physical wounds inflicted upon you, the aftereffects of those wounds and certainly for your employment. 🙏🏽 God bless you and keep you. In Jesus’ Precious Name. Amen.

          • sweethonesty7

            Thank you very much, Z.!

  5. IrisJane

    They bribe with attention, with money, with flattery, with fake care & concern, with gifts, with continued offers of help when none is needed or warranted (as well when it’s needed), and with over the top superficial interest, feigned victimhood…and so much more. They corrupt all that would be normal, kind, good and real behavior into something diabolical to be used for their selfish benefit, and without a single second thought…true evil, and there are so many.
    The ones I know that all think are the most wonderful Christians, are actually the most devious you will ever come across, and they bribe their hearts out expertly, took me years to figure out. The covert/slyness is astounding, and so very well played. May God have mercy upon all in their path.

  6. sweethonesty7

    In all the many years of marriage I *never* looked in the ex’s briefcase, wallet, or phone. Many things had transpired so I decided to go ahead and look through the boxes he brought home, after being fired. While he was out I had found a letter (it was *not* marked confidential and did not contain any legal statements that would make it illegal for anyone to see it) that stated 3 very serious reasons for his firing. The in-depth reports were not attached. I made the mistake of letting him know I came across that letter.
    9 months, before he filed for the divorce he made a trip to the corporate office of that company (he was fired 3 years previously); he didn’t tell me, but told one of the children, who he thought he had his complete loyalty, but that child did inform me that was one of his stops, during a trip. When I subpoenaed his work records for that company those in-depth reports were missing. I tried on 2 occasions to recover them and the woman who was in charge of those records was extremely hostile to me over the phone. I would say 99.9% sure he paid her off!
    I would not be surprised if my own lawyer cooperated with the other side and also told that woman not to produce them. Half-way through the process, my lawyer became increasingly nasty to me and tried to charge me for something the other lawyer produced. In the end she charged twice as much as it should have cost, even though I had done all the leg work for obtaining the really important information. When I look back at how my own lawyer took advantage of me I find her to be a wicked person too.

    • Name Withheld

      It is extremely common for lawyers to prey on their clients, most especially women. There is a book out by a woman lawyer talking about this very practice and how lawyers rip off the women and serve the men’s interests (despite the man not being their client) as they know the woman is unable to do anything about it and is the most vulnerable and likely the least versed in the law.
      Women lawyers are even more predatory towards their women clients. They rip women off without any qualms whatsoever. They are wicked.
      Lawyers are evil, predatory, criminals. Sure, there might be an exception here or there, but that’s it – rare exceptions.

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