Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church

Excellent Thoughts from My Friends

In the last couple of weeks I have received some comments from a few friends who all have survived wicked abuse. I decided what they said is too valuable to keep to myself, so here they are for all of you. They don’t address one specific tactic or subject, but here they are all in one place:

  • These abusers break down your walls. You lose confidence in your ability to make a decision to the point you don’t believe you have the right to protect yourself anymore.
  • The counsel I got and which most all abuse victims are getting from these so called pastors is full of legalism dressed in grace and void of wisdom. That’s a confusing concoction when taken in. Lies are powerful, especially lies dressed as Biblical truth.
  • Pastor Jeff, as you’ve said, I’ve been more and more persuaded that most people in churches aren’t truly saved and the shepherds are hirelings. I’ve been thinking about how many churches tell people with their heads bowed and their eyes closed, raise your hand if you’ve asked Jesus into your heart. Now you’re saved and you can’t lose that salvation! However, I don’t read that in the Word.
  • Jesus said those who are His brothers and sisters keep His commandments! John 8 begins by saving “many believed in Him.” But Jesus didn’t say, great, look how many believe! He begins to challenge their so-called belief and they got angry and defensive. Then He goes on to say  “many who believed in Him” that they are children of the Devil (vs 44).
  • And then we have the pastors who are not true shepherds. I read in Isaiah 56:10-12: “His watchmen are blind; they are all without knowledge; they are all silent dogs; they cannot bark, dreaming, lying down, loving to slumber. The dogs have a mighty appetite; they never have enough. But they are shepherds who have no understanding; they have all turned to their own way, each to his own gain, one and all.” Then in 1 Timothy 4:1-2: “Now the Spirit expressly says that in later times some will depart from the faith by devoting themselves to deceitful spirits and teachings of demons, through the insincerity of liars whose consciences are seared…” We must not be silent about evil and liars and who is “barking” to those who will listen.
  • I’ve been telling everyone I know that the church is so deceived to only preach about love and forgiveness, completely ignoring the other characteristics of God that exposes evil and calls His children to be discerning!!! We NEED to teach our children about evil and what it looks like!! One of the songs most children in Sunday School are taught is, “I’ve got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart – good song until it comes to a verse that says, “and if the devil doesn’t like it he can sit on a tack. Ouch!” Like he is some kind of impish trouble maker instead of the evil that he is and that he HATES Christians! I skip that verse every time because I don’t want children growing up thinking the enemy is just some annoyance. He wants to rob, kill, and destroy us!!
  • Micah 7:5-7 and other scriptures warn not to trust man!  7:5 Put no trust in a neighbor; have no confidence in a friend; guard the doors of your mouth from her who lies in your arms;  (6)  for the son treats the father with contempt, the daughter rises up against her mother, the daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; a man’s enemies are the men of his own house.  (7)  But as for me, I will look to the LORD; I will wait for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me.
  • My old pastor  (who was a true pastor) used to talk about that all the time. People in the church are too gullible and believe others too easily. I am reading a secular book now, but the author is talking about why people so easily are duped (several people had red flags about Bernie Madoff but ignored them). I couldn’t even listen to one of the stories where this man saw all of the warning signs of a woman high up in our government who was a Cuban spy but refused to believe them! It’s come to the point that I can’t stand blindness and people choosing to be blind and ignorant!!


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  1. frankiesmith2064


  2. ichooselife62

    When I read your blog post it sounded SO familiar . . . .first of all because it was only because of your book that I had smuggled in my kindle(to educate myself on what was happening). Your book cleared the fog big time! Someone FINALLY could put words to what was happening.
    I held on to Jesus begging Him to rescue my soul which felt like it was dying -i’d lost all my hope – but I believed in Jesus and no matter what – His Will would be done and I needed to rest in Him. And I tell you He was Faithful !
    Your book came across my path accidentally (the mask picture grabbed my attention because I was reading books of “how to live peaceably with a narcissist” and the book also had a mask) and even though sitting alone against 2 elders a pastor and my husband (who was ranting and raving and literally tearing every piece of my heart and soul apart) my heart held strong and I could calmly sit listening all the while talking to the Lord. I knew that I was not “demonic” or “unsaved” or “crazy” and selfish because I was being difficult (I couldn’t have been more submissive than I was – but the narcissist will twist every truth into a lie and actually set you up). I had no bruises (that they could see) he never raised a fist to me – so am I saying the Lord can’t fix this – that is pretty much what was being suggested.
    The pastor had no more answers to our problems and I physically would not have even made it a few more months because of covert narcissistic abuse, I ended up collapsing, and praise God for a worldwide family who the Lord puts on your path to help you not to HAVE to go back (because if you know the narc – after 22 years of marriage – I had nothing to show for it, I raised kids and ran his businesses.
    His family, the church, his friend circle and eventually my own children – were turned against me – I was excommunicated from the church for leaving my husband and getting a protection order (who 6 months later divorced me – two years later – still no divorce though – he is just draining my loaned money).
    This post was just about word for word of what he was like and did, his strange actions too – except sadly – that pastor (I hold no grudge) had no idea what he was dealing with. He would bring books to church that would solidify points he was trying to convince the pastor of. And the pastor would agree and thank him for sharing his great knowledge …….. For example – alcohol – and how the bible ” promotes” it (so that he could get away with his drinking problem)
    I had to stand in from of the church a few weeks prior to leaving and apologise to the whole church for having marriage problems, and because I was the one that left a week or 2 later, it meant that I was the evil Christian and said I lied to the church. They even accused me of having an affair!!!
    My children days later sent me a message saying “don’t be scared to go to a hospital mommy, they can help you and we will visit” – – they wanted me to go to a pshycho ward!!! my kids and I were closer that bubblegum on a tarmac – but in 2 days ….. destroyed…. and over 2 years now – never seen them.
    To have your children ripped from your arms is an experience I cannot begin to explain – and money talks – even if they wanted me – I can’t even buy them a coffee . But I have learnt to make God the centre of my life – not the church, not my children – they will all fail you – Only the Lord! …who has brought me and carried me through each day.
    I was left without a cent, home, all my belongings, friends, city ……everything – that was the price to pay to have freedom in Christ and experience who He really is – I have always been taken care of by someone, have tons of friends, families “adopted” me into their homes and I have the deepest joy in my heart …..because God restored my hope that was almost lost and he is carrying me – His sheep over His shoulder while I struggle to walk ……

    • Jeff Crippen

      I choose- this was the Lord’s doing for certain. May He continue to bless you and give you His strength and wisdom.

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