Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church

Willful Blindness to Evil Enables the Wicked and Oppresses Victims+

Isaiah 56:10 His watchmen are blind; they are all without knowledge; they are all silent dogs; they cannot bark, dreaming, lying down, loving to slumber.

If you have experienced attacks from the wicked such as domestic abusers or sociopaths say, in the church, who demand to have power and control, then you know the reality of evil. You probably know something else too. Namely, the willful blindness to that evil that so many people choose to cling to. Don’t talk to them about it. Keep your mind on the “sunny side of life,” they say.
These are the kind of people who are “nice.” I don’t like this brand of “nice.” No matter what you say to these type about some evildoer, they will always respond with “the positive.” “Yes, that is terrible, but….” –

  • We just need to love him/her
  • Maybe he just misunderstood you or you misunderstood him
  • He is getting better than he used to be though, right?
  • You need to get past this
  • He/she is family though

And on and on, right? You’ve heard all this stuff before I am sure.
This brand of person is willfully blind to the presence of evil, the tactics of evil, and the mentality of evil. Willfully. Ignorance is not the problem when a person chooses to be ignorant of something. Civil law even acknowledges this. A person can be convicted of a crime or held liable for damages if they should have known something but chose to turn a blind eye to it. No, blindness isn’t the problem in these cases.
That is to say, always looking for the good in someone or something is not a noble attribute. It throws victims of abuse under the bus all because someone else desires to not have to think of really unpleasant things. And if a person who claims to be a Christian consistently practices this “looking for the good,” then guess what? They aren’t a Christian at all.

Mat 5:6 “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.

Jas 1:27 Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.

Isa 1:16-17 Wash yourselves; make yourselves clean; remove the evil of your deeds from before my eyes; cease to do evil, (17) learn to do good; seek justice, correct oppression; bring justice to the fatherless, plead the widow’s cause.

Tell me – how in the world is anyone going to truly obey these Scriptures if they choose to remain blind to evil? You sure won’t hunger and thirst for righteousness because you keep insisting that pretty much there already IS righteousness. You may call on an orphan and widow and be Mr. oh-so-nice to them, but there is no way you will visit them in their affliction because really, you don’t think their situation is all that bad – and you will tell them so!! Will you bring justice to the fatherless and plead the widow’s cause? Of course not! You will just tell them that they should just suck it up and look for the good in their situation.
Understand? Do you see more clearly now why I don’t like “Mr. Nice” at all? Because Mr. Nice is an incredibly, horribly, selfish person. He or she simply wants to enjoy an enjoyable life without the bumps and disturbances the acknowledgement of evil brings.
And THIS is largely why victims of domestic abuse and sexual abuse are being rejected by churches today. The thing is just too troubling. Surely such evil does not exist, especially among “the people of God”? And if it does, well, Mr. Nice just doesn’t want to know about it.

Isaiah 56:10 His watchmen are blind; they are all without knowledge; they are all silent dogs; they cannot bark, dreaming, lying down, loving to slumber.



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Abuse and Pre-Marriage Counseling: We Must Change Our Approach+


  1. Jeff Crippen

    Very selfish and makes her an ally of evil.

  2. a daily reader

    Thank You for sharing these insights about Mr (or Ms) “Nice” — This summed things up very succinctly and accurately.

  3. Z

    I wasn’t familiar with this Scripture, Pastor, so thank you for yet ANOTHER example of just how many great nuggets of wisdom there are in the Bible about how God sees, feels about & will deal with evil people’s/abusers’ actions, tactics, schemes & mindsets. You’ve shown God’s Word is FAR FROM SILENT on the evil of abuse and what God thinks of abusers (especially the “christian abuser oxymoron!) as well as those “christians” who are complicit, silent, dismissive, excusing, enabling…of these evils.
    I’m so glad my eyes have been opened & I now know these “professed christians” are NOT Christians at all-as I’d perceived since I was a child. Now you are helping us victims know exactly what God’s Word says about them and their fate. It comforts me, since I have not gotten justice or righteousness on this earth as far as my abusers are concerned. But in the next, life, the more important ETERNAL life….ALL things will be His to avenge & to get justice & righteousness for me as well as all victims. Well done, Pastor.

    • Jeff Crippen

      Thank you Z!

    • Stormy

      Yes I completely relate to the no justice yet on this earth. I am waiting for it. The evil wicked abuser and his allies (my former bible study leader and her music minister husband and the church folks he gained as allies) still stand with my abuser, show support to him, provide comfort to him.
      They did the same when they watched him mistreat me, listened and believed the lies about me, helped him manipulate me, helped him abuse me, laughed at his verbal abuse, gave me the silent treatment, and like Pastor Crippen says informally excommunicated me for no good reason.
      Excommunicated me because they stood with an evil conman who hated me because I was good. He used me as a cover to hide his true self. Then the mask fell.
      It was a horrible experience. I was a new Christian being bullied in a church group by a con man wolf and his allies. God promises a custom made millstone for those who hurt his liittle ones and I take comfort in knowing their evil treachery towards me will be dealt with.
      I also take comfort in the verse I think is Isaiah 51 or 61 not exactly sure? I will paraphrase to the best of my ability. “ The lord has sent me to tell them the good news that the day of gods favor has come and the day of his wrath to their enemies” the verse goes on to say he will give us beauty for ashes, joy instead of mourning. Please look it up to confirm chapter and verse. I’ve been claiming, believing, quoting, reciting to myself this verse today and I am feeling better. Especially focusing on the day of wrath to their enemies that God himself will bring to pass. I do not have to do it myself. I only have to speak the truth and expose evil if when it’s safe and get the chance to do so.
      I pray everyday that they will be haunted by their misdeeds, they will be reminded of their evil against me, that god will wake them in the middle of the night, that in every church they attend they will be exposed and rejected before anyone else gets hurt , that when crimes are committed they will be caught and exposed. That every innocent person who gets caught in the wicked web will be freed. That there will be shame in their hearts and true repentance!! The shame and repentance will never happen they continue in their path to do and be evil. I also ask That God will give me delicious food in the prescence of my enemies.
      But the verse I mentioned above about today being the day of vengeance has helped the most. I hope it provides comfort to all of you my fellow survivors. I can’t wait to see you in heaven. I will give you a big hug. And the best part of heaven is that our abusers will not be there. They will not go onto the sweet by and by. But these criminals, abusers, con men liars who take delight in hurting others will be getting their reward which will be unspeakable. The justic they have appeared to have evaded in this life will be metted out by the God of justice. Thank you Pastor Crippen for helping us see that God stand with the victims. Thank you!!

  4. Brenda

    I, too, keep running into people who refuse to call evil what it is. They think they are doing the right thing, refusing to take sides. Thank you for this!

  5. anonymous

    For some, I do really believe it to be the product of ignorance and bad teaching. I know people who are true Christians who have been practically brainwashed into believing that only being positive, thinking pleasant things, seeking to find the best in people and assuming the best, giving the benefit of the doubt……is Christian.
    I don’t think Christians should be necessarily happy-go-lucky, sunshiney, people. The world is evil. People are as wicked as can be. I don’t know how people have children. I can’t imagine what great leap of faith and blindness that takes to become a parent these days. I know children are a blessing and gift of God, but my goodness, what a horrible world we have.
    Just like seeing the kids who are bullied to death. They are murdered by their bullies — despite the official death being deemed a ‘suicide’. Little kids are so vicious, so unrelenting, and so terroristic that the target eventually suicides. The kid was murdered. And then everyone throws their hands up in the air as to the ‘tragedy’ instead of it being a crime scene. Baloney if abusers aren’t responsible for inducing suicide in their targets, terrorizing, abusing, and humiliating them to death, often telling them again and again to “kill yourself!”
    Those same kids grow up to be abuser adults. Then they have kids and teach their offspring to terrorize others. Devil’s children. Wicked people. Granted, there is peer pressure, and sometimes a bullied victim turns to bullying others in order to get the bully target off one’s back, however, the vast majority of kids who bully become adults who bully. And by the time someone is an adult, if they are abusers, the towel is thrown in about them. There is no hope for them, in my opinion.
    We can’t fail victims, as Christians. Just because we wouldn’t do something, doesn’t mean there aren’t a plethora of people out there who will, and will gladly do it, and it’s great fun for them. We must wise up to evil, not be ostriches with out heads in the sand, and be there for victims. It’s dangerous, costly, risky work to be there for a victim-target, but when we stand before God, what kind of life do we want to be able to tell about living? (And no, works don’t justify, we can only stand before God on the basis of Jesus, with His atonement, His blemish-free life, but still).
    We can’t fail bullied kids, bullied adults, or abused women. It’s too overwhelming for victims to be further failed, dismissed, or cast off by others. They’re already overpowered, because abuse is all about power imbalances. It wouldn’t happen if there wasn’t an imbalance of power. And the gentle, sweet people are eaten up like choice morsels by the wicked abusers of society.

  6. walkinginlight

    People who witness a injustice committed against a innocent person and do not speak up will be judged for it. God does mentions “cowards” in Revelation. People who don’t stand up for righteousness feel they have too much to loose by doing so. Big mistake!!

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