Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church

Abusers Love the Darkness rather than the Light

We don’t usually publish on Tuesday, but this little nugget of truth couldn’t wait. Abusers are secretive and enjoy keeping their targets “guessing” about what they (the abuser) are going to do or think or say in given situations.
Don Hennessy nails it when he says (emphasis mine),

He (the abuser) cannot allow you to influence him because he is terrified that you will gain access to his inner world.  He is reluctant to enter that world himself because he knows how dark it is, but he prefers the darkness rather than allowing you to shine light on it. (Don Hennessy, Steps to Freedom: Escaping Intimate Control*)

And Scripture confirms this truth:

John 3:16-19 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. (17) For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him. (18) Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only Son of God. (19) And this is the judgment: the light has come into the world, and people loved the darkness rather than the light because their works were evil.


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**Will Your Church Leaders Stand With You Against Your Abuser? 3 Ways to Know+13


Willful Blindness to Evil Enables the Wicked and Oppresses Victims+


  1. cindy burrell

    “…people love the darkness rather than the light.” It’s so hard to imagine, but it seems we all know someone who loves the darkness – and how horrible is it when that person is your spouse. Friendship or fellowship with such a person is virtually impossible. “…what fellowship has light with darkness?” 2 Cor. 6:14

  2. healinginhim

    Thank you for posting this ‘nugget of truth’. All of my abusers are so secretive. The true colors are becoming apparent to others. One of my abusers told me that what they don’t like about me is that I know too much about them. They don’t want others to know their secrets and fear I may tell.

    • cindy burrell

      healinginhim, what you shared is stunning – and reveals every abuser’s heart. Their strategies only succeed if they can remain under the cover of darkness!

    • Jeff Crippen

      “Done ever talk about me! Gossip is a sin!” Yeah, right. I’ve had this nonsense laid on me before too. Very guilting if you don’t understand what it really is.

  3. Grace

    I’m slowly starting to understand that there really is a difference between telling the truth about someone to protect someone else or share your story, and gossip and smear campaigns. The intent does matter.

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