With some regularity I hear from people who tell me that they are on board with this issue of domestic abusers hiding in the church. They are excited that their pastor has “really had his eyes opened” and is “promising to stand with abuse victims.” And I have heard the same from various well-known Christian counseling ministries.
I don’t believe most of them. And when I say so, let me tell you, I lose friends and I do not gain any popularity with the “happening” crowds in Christendom. They accuse me of being narrow and arrogant, as if “only I know anything.”
But the truth is, I do know that they still cannot be trusted to stand with victims of abuse. How do I know, you ask? I will tell you. Three things. There are just three things that you need to find out – and then you will know too. Ready? [If they fail at any ONE of these, they fail all]
- Does this pastor/counselor/church freely acknowledge that abuse is grounds for divorce? Or do you discern that even if they don’t come right out and say “God hates divorce” (not in the Bible by the way), nevertheless they will only talk about “separation” for abuse. I have found that pastors and counselors and so-called experts on domestic abuse dance all around the D-I-V-O-R-C-E word.
- Does this pastor/counselor/church freely permit an abuse victim to decide for herself to divorce her abuser, or will they be upset if she decides that she does not want to be married to this abuser and files for divorce? In other words, do they indicate that she must have their permission to divorce?
- Does this pastor/counselor/church inject themselves into her life and marriage, insisting that she allow them to “shepherd” her by counseling the abuser, counseling her, and in general working to “redeem” the marriage and fix the abuser?
If any one of these elements is present in your pastor or church leaders then you can be sure that in the end they will not stand with you. Oh they can be soooo nice and sound sooooo loving and supportive, UNTIL it gets right down to the wire, your abuser has not changed, their fix efforts have failed (as they always will) and you announce you are filing for divorce. So save yourself much grief by finding the answer to these questions early on. And watch out for hesitation and stammering when they give an answer. Don’t accept halfway answers.
cindy burrell
These are great guidelines – an accurate measure – and I will refer the victims I work with to this as a valuable reference! Thank you.
IamMyBeloved’s
This post on finding out if someone’s church supports divorce for abuse is excellent and needs to be read, memorized and seen by more ppl. I see this all the time, where some leaders/pastors are now stating they stand against abuse in marriage, but then THEY have to define what constitutes abuse in marriage and they really never support divorce for the victims. Women are being duped by these shenanigans and need to have their eyes wide open when they meet with their leaders.
This would be one of the first questions I asked: “Do you advocate for and support divorce for abuse?” Because if they say “well only after we see if things can be worked out and only if the abuser refuses to repent”, which really means saying “I’m sorry” after he abuses you for the next century, then you know you will take a bazillion mile long trek on the abuse railroad that eventually ends in a train wreck; and besides the domestic abuse, you will face the possibility of unscrupulous spiritual abuse that comes with leaders/pastors who really do not understand the mind of an abuser, narcissism, abuse tactics or the evil behind abuse in marriage. Better to get professional help from abuse experts and forego the additional abuse and “you (the victim) must not really be a Christian hate mongering” from other professing Christians who don’t have a clue. The additional spiritual abuse can leave you with a double whammy of trauma and additionally broken .
So when having to choose between box “A”-domestic abuse only or box “B”-domestic abuse and spiritual abuse, be sure to check the box marked domestic abuse only, please and thank you.
anonymous
This is a misplaced comment. It’s really in reply to your other blog, Light for Dark Times, and it’s latest post about the BTK killer.
My abuser had a thing for studying serial killers, too. I was unaware of these serial killers and pretty ignorant of criminals overall. But the more I read about serial killers, the more I saw the connections to my abuser. It’s not a stretch. Rapists, batterers, serial killers, sadistic abusers. It’s a continuum. And my abuser would murder me today if he thought he could get away with it. Murder is the ultimate power and control move. It’s “playing God” as my abuser put it. Nothing like deciding whether or not someone gets to breathe, which is the appeal of suffocation, strangulation, and the terror it produces (not to mention brain damage, that is irreversible) in a victim. And suffocation doesn’t usually leave fingertip bruising.
Indeed, BTK sent something from the church computer and that brought him down. Abusers who volunteer or donate to battered women’s shelters. Abusers who become pastors. JimmyHinton.org is Pastor Hinton’s website/blog and his dad was/is a pedophile who used to be a pastor.
Larry Nassar, the pedophile doctor who preyed on 100s of gymnast girls, was outed by his neighbor victim, and when the parents confronted him, he played it off as a lie, but said that if someone ever did that, it was very serious and the little girl should tell….something like that. The parents thought of their daughter as a liar who did an awful thing and punished her, forced her to apologize to Nassar, and later, when the truth came out, that girl’s dad suicided, awash in grief and horror, I’d imagine.
How many doctors, judges, attorneys, cops, pastors are abusers? How many persons in contact with vulnerable populations are abusers? Predators are drawn to opportunity and vulnerability. A woman is statistically the least safe in her own home.
Pastors are charged with watching over their flocks. The realities of our evil world should be driven home again and again each week in sermons, but then again, Sundays are to worship the LORD, so perhaps adult Bible study should contain it instead. I don’t know. I can’t seem to read Proverbs enough times. It horrifies me each time, so many verses, I was so naive, so silly, such ideal prey. It was all there. I had a Bible from very early on. How could I have been so stupid?
But anyhow, I’m glad to hear a pastor talk about how the BTK killer isn’t so far off from an abuser. There isn’t that much difference.
Stormy
Yes my abuser was a church leader and has a group of loyal followers. He has the same attributes as a murderer. These abusers are dangerous and need to be ousted from the church. It’s absolutely horrific. The church needs to circle the wagons. But the phonies want the gates left wide open for predators to find peace, comfort , consolation and a hunting ground for the abusers prey. May we never be victimized again. In Jesus Name.
itaketoflight
What about the churches where the pastors and priests follow all three of those and still get it wrong? Some of us are in the opposite situation – ending the marriage doesn’t stop the abuse – in fact it makes it worse. In some cases, much worse. The only thing that will stop the abuse is if someone the abuser sees as an authority figure speaks to the abuser and firmly says to them that what specifically the abuser is doing is wrong and sinful and abuse.
But instead of condemning the abuse, all the church leadership does is act like Pontius Pilate and washes their hands of the matter. They say “leave, divorce him if you want, you have our support to divorce him under the circumstances as the abuse you have suffered is more than enough grounds for divorce” but what good are empty words? Divorce won’t stop the abuse any more than separation stopped the abuse (another empty recommendation they made which only led to him escalating the abuse severely).
Instead of acting like churches of decades past (where women were told not to go to the police and courts, not to divorce – to just “keep it in the church”) battered women are told the opposite – to go to the police and courts, to divorce, even if the local police and courts side with abusers, even if reaching out to these people and/or separating and divorce makes the abuse worse, to NOT involve the church at all. Don’t ask the church leadership for actual support, don’t ask them to tell the abuser that beating your wife and children is abuse, don’t dare ask them to tell your abuser that the other forms of abuse are abuse and sin and need to stop, because that’s “none of the church’s business”, “that’s a secular issue”. And God help you if you genuinely feel called to not give up on the possibility of one day having your marriage restored – because the church wants nothing to do with it.
Neither end of this spectrum helps victims, especially in a world where secular services like the police and courts don’t help victims, often battered women have no one else to turn to BUT their church, and all their church wants to do is pretend the abuse isn’t happening.
For those of us who have separated from our abuser only to have the abuse worsen and the police and courts turn a blind eye, how do we get our churches (who genuinely mean well) to wake up and take a genuinely christian approach?
Jeff Crippen
itaketoflight – I am very sorry that you have had to go through all of this grief. I don’t pretend to know your situation well at all, but I can make a couple of observations. First, you said – “The only thing that will stop the abuse is if someone the abuser sees as an authority figure speaks to the abuser and firmly says to them that what specifically the abuser is doing is wrong and sinful and abuse.” In other words, as I understand you to say, what you have experienced to be lacking in your church’s response is actual hands on standing with you against your abuser and instead your church while verbally helpful hasn’t stepped up to the plate to actually stand in your shoes and confront your abuser. That of course is when it would start to cost your church leaders and congregation.
I do not think that the typical abuser is going to cease his abuse merely because he is told that he is sinning and must stop. I am of the opinion, which others may differ with, that abusers never change. Never. They may cease their abusive actions if they perceive that their target has strong allies who are not duped by his deceptions. But they are never going to truly repent and stop abusing out of a heartfelt remorse.
With that said, a local church has the ability (if they desire to, which very, very few do) to be a powerful force in helping abuse victims, including openly declaring themselves her allies. In addition they can short circuit many of the abuser’s tactics of abuse by doing things like providing financial aid, accompanying her to any court hearings, helping with childcare if she has to work, and many other things.
Finally, you asked “how do we get our churches (who genuinely mean well) to wake up and take a genuinely christian approach?” My answer is – you don’t. For people to act as Christ did/would/does requires that they truly know Christ. In other words that they are genuinely saved, regenerate, Spirit-led people. I do not believe most local churches mean well but are merely ignorant. If that were the case then we would be seeing far more of them respond to attempts to be educated about abusers and abuse – but they aren’t doing so. In fact the typical scenario is that pastors and churches resist very heatedly even considering this issue. We can try. We can talk to them, offer them sound biblical books on the subject, but if they resist aiding the widow and orphan, well, what does the Lord say about such people? They don’t know Him. His wrath against them is aroused.
As a blog post here which will publish on Feb 20th states, there are popular personalities out there among the “christian” world who are putting on seminars on domestic abuse, writing books and workbooks, going around speaking at conferences and so on who insist that their program, their therapy, their ministry can change abusers. That there is hope. My advice is, don’t get sucked in by them. All they do is issue false promises and create false hope that only prolongs the victim’s sufferings. They are announcing a message that tickles people’s ears. People want a “they all lived happily ever after” ending. And guess what? If we don’t promise that happy ending where the abuser changed and was transformed and everyone reconciled and so on, then our books and programs are not going to sell. So they perpetuate this false hope and remain popular and in demand.
The Lord. The Lord is our Rock and our salvation. Whom shall we fear? He is our Redeemer and Deliverer. He is the One who stands with us against our enemies and who promises real deliverance. Trust in Him. He will not let you down.
Debby
Jeff, you nailed it with the “not wanting to even get educated.” It goes so much deeper than “they just don’t realize.” They don’t WANT to realize. Which, ironically, is exactly the way an abuser is. I just know he doesn’t MEAN to hurt me. He just doesn’t realize. So I will be patient and share information bc I just know that they, these well meaning people, WANT to get info and THEN they will understand. No. Most of them dont. It’s too costly and inconvenient for them. Much easier, less messy if the victim just takes one for the team and stop causing “division.” Sigh…
Jeff Crippen
Debby – Correct. Lot’s of people think that if we could just educate the churches about abuse and abusers, they would see their naivete and how not being informed on the subject is causing them to be allies of the abuser. Not so. Nope. I have tried, believe me. Not even the seminary I graduated from paid any attention at all to either of my two books, even though I sent the counseling department copies. So I don’t waste my time or energy on pastors and churches or “christian” organizations (UNLESS the very rare one sincerely asks me for help). I focus on the victims. THERE is where you will get an enthusiastic and thankful hearing, and where you will do real good.
cindy burrell
So the seminary you graduated from accepted your books, gave you the customary nod, and then proceeded as though nothing had changed… it’s stunning. I too have held out hope that there will be a miraculous moment when the truth will shine forth – when the wicked within the body of Christ will be exposed and the innocent will find safety, a day when things within the true church will change.
Silly me.
I guess change will have to come through our individual voices one person, one blog, one article, one book, one day at at time. So be it. All we can do is what we can do, and we’re just going to keep sharing the truth with passion and conviction and pray that we see more captives set free until the Lord comes!
Jeff Crippen
Cindy- Yes, that is exactly what they did. I believe that what appears to be the church very often isn’t. In fact I will go further. I believe that the majority of people and churches and pastors who claim to belong to Christ, don’t. “Many will come to Him on that Day…”. And this I think is the explanation for why we are seeing people who claim to belong to the Good Shepherd fail to hear His voice. How can that be? There is only one explanation – they aren’t His sheep. Because He Himself said (John 10) My sheep hear my voice and a stranger they will not follow.
Abigail
“I do not believe most local churches mean well but are merely ignorant.”
Jeff, thank you for speaking the truth that so many churchgoers don’t want to hear.
Stormy
I recall a very tragic situation from my youth. Where church folks supported evil.
The step father of my childhood friend raped a young girl that was his neighbor. The girls family pressed charges.
The abuser went to court. In the court room he had his allies all members of the Church supporting him. I was told there were many supporters from his church standing by him.
The child abuser convinced the church folks that he was a changed man. They became character witnesses for him. Imagine how that little girl felt when she told her story in court.
Place yourself in her shoes. The faces of adult professing Christians looking back at her, the scary courtroom. Telling your story. Then having professing Christians support and defend the horrific , perverted, nasty abusive man.It must have been devastating for her.
Unfortunately years later she took her own life. I believe the incident of abuse and the udamage done by the lack of justice in her case contributed to this tragedy.
This same man exposed himself to me. I remember him trying to befriend my father after the incident. Looking back I see this as a grooming technique. Was he trying to discern if I told my dad that he exposed himself to me. I told no one about it until years later.
Free At Last
These are very good standards, Jeff. If only I had known them before I fled to my pastor and the elders of my church for help, support and protection……..
Even if I had been aware of them, however, it would not have saved me from being abandoned by people I thought were friends and the support of my church family, as well as the humiliation and pain of being abandoned and betrayed by my inner circle.
Thanks to your ministry, I became aware of truth. My interaction with you, Jeff, was the turning point for me. I was homeless with my dog, wandering the country, suicidal, still hoping my husband would change, waiting for some sort of revelation or someone to speak into my life. You were the first person who did. It was life-giving.
Today, I have made my peace with it all as much as is possible. And I am now a vocal (and I am sure annoying) advocate of justice for women in the church. God works all things for good. And we can use our experiences to come along side others experiencing what we did, so they don’t have to be as alone and abandoned as I was. There are so very many of us out there.
Nothing at all has changed in my old church, except my understanding of what needs to. But that church won’t change any more than my abusive husband will. It still makes me very sad though, because some of the women I left behind (including the pastor’s wife) are in abusive marriages and refuse to do anything about it because they have been counseled (or “shepherded”) that “marriage is hard” and we are “called to be an example to a secular world full of divorce.” These women were the ones I have been most grieved about as I do think they know Jesus but have been imprisoned by lies.
Preach on, Pastor Jeff Crippen. You are a brilliant light in a dark land. Praise be to God.
Jeff Crippen
Free At Last- Thank you very much for sharing this. It is very encouraging. You said “that church won’t change any more than my abusive husband will.” That is absolutely true. Right now we are seeing the Southern Baptists do all kinds of image and damage control, claiming they are going to implement this program and that program and this and that policy, blah, blah, blah. But the fact is the a leopard cannot change its spots. Abuser friendly churches, like “christian” abusers, have opposed truth for years and years. They too have oppressed victims. They have covered up the evil. Birds of a feather…
As you say, some church members and even abuse victims are brainwashed by such places and thus kept in bondage. But the powers that be in those churches, the ones who are false shepherds, the ones who joined in on the oppression of victims….they are not going to change. I don’t even bother with them anymore, other than working to try to expose them.
And fundamentally, what is the real problem in such churches? Jesus tells us – “You must be born again.” That is to say, these are false shepherds, false churches, teaching a false gospel, building their towers of Babel that will never produce the fruit of the Spirit. Flesh only brings forth flesh. None of these kind want to face up to the real problem – they don’t know the Lord.
Kate
Sad to say, my church fails on all three counts. When pastors do not respect the agency of victims, they always end up adding to the abuse instead of alleviating it.
Jeff Crippen
Very true Kate. Thank you for that affirmation
anonymous
I believe that a church I used to attend would actually answer all 3 of those questions with a “yes” but they still got it wrong in my case. They kicked both me and the abuser out. I don’t think they had a problem with the divorce at all; but they saw me as a liability and absolutely refused to allow me to stay at the church, even after I clearly distanced myself from the abuser. That was the only church the abuser had ever let us attend. Then they kicked us out, which I understood in the abuser’s case – he abused them too. But I was shocked at how they treated me and the kids. Being that was the only church my kids had known, and the horror at how we were treated, my kids (who are now adults) have decided that the church isn’t worth their time. I have managed to find a church that is very supportive of victims, and is very affirming of women in general. I find that an interesting dynamic – a church being both affirming of women and supporting of victims. Maybe without a stronghold on a male-dominated church culture, they are able to see things differently.
Jeff Crippen
Yes, I have seen the same thing repeatedly. Pastors who SAY they are all on board with this domestic abuse issue and claim they have it all together and will help a victim, but then in the end they show their true colors. It was all talk. They still demand to have authority and the final say over the victim’s decision to divorce. She is required to have their permission and if she (sometimes he) doesn’t obey them, she gets the boot out the door.
eagleovercomer
Would you recommend asking these questions to the Pastor and other church leaders before all like after a service or privately? I want to ask them before all but I am afraid it could lead to more abuse and endanger any victims once everyone disassembles. Any thoughts?
Jeff Crippen
eagleovercomer – I recommend putting the questions in writing – perhaps by email – and then you would have a written record of their answer. If you were to ask them publicly in, for example, a church meeting, I have little doubt that they would try to draw the light from themselves and put it on you, accusing you of being divisive. You could also give them a book like Unholy Charade, ask them to read it, and then answer these questions for you. The typical reaction would be to drag their feet on such a request. Largely I think we can know their answer to the questions without even asking them. If a local church is a typical, supposed Bible-believing evangelical church where the subject of abuse and divorce for abuse has not been actively addressed by the leaders so that it is known by all that they will stand with victims, then you can pretty well know that they won’t stand with victims.
Redeemed
Thank you Jeff and everyone else that has posted. I grapple with this. This article speaks to domestic abuse – what about abuse (non-domestic, not ongoing) cases that come forward after many years and there is no “evidence”. How do you deal with denial? Church leaders take no sides because they can’t (they say) however the victim is grilled, the abusers are asked if they did it and they say of course not – there is talk of forgiveness and reconciliation. We have tried to call out the discrepancies we see but are told it’s none of our business (Matthew 18) because we are not directly involved, and we don’t know both sides of the story and now everyone is taking sides and this is divisive – however church members (other than the victim) and family members of the victim whom are very close to us have been shattered by this. We members have been told we should not to talk to anyone but the church leaders about this and actually “we shouldn’t even entertain conversation with you because it does not concern you” is the general stance they take and “you should not be leaving this local church with unresolved issues” and “you need to stay and ‘reconcile’ with the ‘alleged’ abusers even though those members have not ‘un-reconciled’ with the alleged abusers. They are not close friends or family members. Some church members and family members cannot stay in that environment, not because they are unforgiving, but because they are deeply, deeply hurt. Family members and friends of the alleged abusers have “sided” with them and have called the victim a liar and “she’s crazy”. ( I also imagine how shattering it must be to find one’s son or brother or husband accused as an abuser) We have suggested resources to the church leaders and as far as we know none have been followed up on “because you can’t expect us to be experts in this (some say they don’t want to be experts on this) – this is a criminal case and needs to be handled by the police” I realize this is probably a same old, same old story you hear all the time. How does a church not completely fall apart at the seams whenever an abuse case comes to light? How do you walk the line of bringing it to light vs it being a public fiasco? It seems to me that the more a case gets hush hushed, the worse the fallout is. I really really struggle with “are they completely ignorant, do they honestly think they are trying and doing their best, or do they bury their heads in the sand because they may be a victim or can they really be wolves in sheep’s clothing or are they wolves in sheep’s clothing and don’t even realize it or am I completely crazy?” Can you comment on this? I could say much much more…..but I think you get the idea. I’m thinking you’ll give much the same response as you gave to eagleovercomer above.
Jeff Crippen
You don’t fix it if the church leaders are ignorant of evil or cowardly or allies of the evildoer. You shake the dust off and depart.
Jeff Crippen
And yes, sin brought out into the open and exposed is the best way to deal with it.
LT
I have been in a narcissistic abusive marriage for 25+ years and am now separated. I had enough. I was thrown under the bus by one church and the 2nd church just says I’m praying for you both. I’m currently in recovery from all the abuse and I need to leave my current church because they will not support me. I love Jesus and I am desperate for relationships with like minded Christian people. I don’t know of any local church that would support me and I don’t know alot of people here where I live. Some of the ones I do know do not understand what I have been through. What would be your advice for finding a church even though I know most churches will not support me.
Deb
This post was the most appropriate place for my comment.
Please take a look at Julie Roys’ page and read her “Open Letter to John MacArthur” posted Oct. 3, 2022. He’s covered up abusers and he pressured a woman to allow her abusive spouse to return to the home.
Jeff Crippen
Yep! Beware of anyone who never admits they are wrong.
Char
I have left after 31 years and 15 years of “pastoral counseling” the pastor said he would take me off the roles when I found a church that would support me a state away. He did not want to “support” divorce but said he would not discipline me. I stopped attending at that time. During the last 5 years, the pastor in Texas saw what the abuse looked like and confronted my husband and let him leave when he refused to be discipled or accountable. He used the words “you are destroying your wife” and didn’t hold him accountable. They have refused to take me off the roles, people are texting me with “care” and concern and they got my resignation 2/21 and I am still on the rolls over a month later with people I barely know texting me (sending their picture as I would not even know them).I told the last pastor I feel harassed and i dont’ want to share details of the process I am in and request being removed from association/rolls. My husband left without any trouble . Another wealthy couple left and got a email saying it was a pastoral preference but NOT a requirement that they join another like minded church (9 Marks) before being removed and then removed them at their second request with no questions asked and no explanations for leaving. YET I AM TEXTED and demands for answers about if I am getting divorced. Seem to want it in writing when i told him my plans when he expressed support (I had not gone to church for 6 mos while I was preparing to leave as i knew the D word was not supported) Then an older woman told me the pastor was “glad i was getting out” and I felt tricked into a conversation. How do I remove myself from their roles without submitting to their interrogation or “getting permission” to leave an abusive situation. The stress of the pastor and harassment is WORSE right now than the stress of navigating a divorce.
Deathless
This is very true. I went through sexual & spiritual abuse from my past mentor from the Philippines. Sexual, because of the sexual activities he forced upon me (and not just me, but at least two more, as I later learned). Spiritual abuse, which I struggled for years because the other co-leaders always defended him and told me to keep honoring him or else I would carry offense in my heart, and thus be sinning. My leader would be easily angered, which was evident not just to his inner circle of leaders (of which I belonged to), but even to new youth members. He would not care even if he made some of the youth members cry. He would command them to do household chores and gaslight them into thinking they agreed to do those willingly. He would ask a youth member to take care of his dogs as if that was a ministry responsibility (and he doesn’t even care that she was staying in the ministry home because her father has slapped her and she did not feel comfortable in her home). He bursted out in anger and blamed me when the water bill was not paid on time. He would scold me publicly in more than 1 occasion for various reasons such as: his packed lunch got eaten, when I was asking a day off to meet a friend, when he wanted me to reimburse the salary of junior leaders even though he was the one who forced everyone to join the swimming outing that I had planned. Besides these he also: always is pressuring to give tithes early (all the tithes go to him since it was a “parachurch” and no overseer was above him), borrowing money in various occasions, pressuring to have a cat, pressuring all the co-leaders to live in the ministry home, etc. The icing on the cake was during the last week of when I met him when he went to my apartment and began threatening me if I did harm to his ministry by exposing his secret.
I had talked with all the other male co-leaders beforehand, and at the time, they all agreed with me and what I was being led to do. But once that pastor was able to talk to them one-on-one, he was somehow able to convince them that I was the one in the wrong. He even confessed to one of the junior leaders that he was homosexual, with the witness of 1 male senior leader… I planned to confront him along with other pastor from outside the ministry, but I only told him I was going at first. Later on during the day we were supposed to talk, he found out that I was bringing another pastor and he chose to hide all day that day, until the night. He even brought along with him all the other senior and junior leaders because he thought we might go to the ministry home to look for him (but we were actually just waiting for him to confirm before heading out). I know this only because of the junior leaders trusted me (that was 1 out of 10). And she said that the head pastor kept looking in the window anxiously.
After this we just let them be. I gave them a formal withdrawal from the ministry. But since some of the members still talk to me, they said they were implying that I was a gossip behind my back, and that I was doing what I did out of hurt… 7 years of friendship with them and none of the senior leaders (except 2) ever reached out to me again. And even those that did reach out I can feel that they don’t truly believe me.
They told me that they are “handling” the situation. But I am 100% sure they won’t be able to handle him, and that the iniquity will just continue to grow, again not being spotted (no one knew of what I had gone through for 3 years, but it was already happening to other male leaders years prior). So it’s very naive to think they can handle him. It doesn’t matter if they are prophetic (as evidence of them not knowing until I told them). What’s scary is how they don’t realize that if it’s not handle, the iniquity will just grow worse than before, because obviously it will avoid places where the light has exposed him already. Woe to them who don’t heed a warning!
It’s sad how people can lose perspective because they don’t understand that “culture of honor” does not mean we should compromise our allegiance to what is true and right.
I know mine is not divorce-related, but I believe there are more homosexual activities that people care to imagine that have also been happening in the darkness. (Btw, I am 100% straight, I am just passive-natured) May the Lord expose all these abusers in Jesus’ name! Their grace period is ending.
Deathless
It also might be worth mentioning- I tried to leave that ministry 2 times beforehand but I was pressured by both the leaders and the members to stay. “What church will you go to?” “Maybe you’re just being emotional” “Do it for me” “Do it for the ministry” etc etc
Sadly, I succumbed into the pressure (though this had a purpose too). But yes, God is good because now I have never felt lighter and at peace in the Lord.