**The Unholy Charade of the Domestic Abuser in the Church+1

2 Timothy 3:2 For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy…

Psalm 55:20-21 My companion stretched out his hand against his friends; he violated his covenant. (21) His speech was smooth as butter, yet war was in his heart; his words were softer than oil, yet they were drawn swords.

If you are a Christian, a genuine, real, child of God regenerated by faith alone in Christ alone, then it is essential that you become wise as serpents regarding the tactics and schemes of your enemy, the Prince of Darkness. Paul told the Corinthians that Satan and his servants come to us in disguise, masking themselves in a charade of false holiness in order to deceive and enslave us. Wise as serpents. Innocent as doves.
But most Christians are not wise. And as result, neither are they innocent because they foolishly become the ally of the wicked in oppressing their victims. This unholy charade is being carried out in the church which Christ calls to be a pillar of His truth!
One of the most common and numerous kinds of these charlatans is the evil man we call the domestic abuser. His unholy charade is one of “holy saintliness.” Here he is, a “fine” church member, a pastor, a missionary, an elder or deacon, present every Sunday at his “holiest.” He is often the “go to guy” who sacrificially stands ready to help others. He often puts himself forward as a model of fatherhood, ready to instruct others (especially his wife) what a godly wife and mother should look like. At other times, when it is convenient and more profitable to his quest for power and control over his target, this kind of man plays the victim. How he has tried and tried in his marriage, you know. Just ask him! But his wife…well…his wife is, rebellious, difficult, unwilling.
It is all a facade. The domestic abuser (we will normally simply call him the “abuser”) in reality is an entirely different man than those folks down at the church think he is. He takes off his disguise behind the scenes. The times he is alone with his wife. In his home or other settings, unseen to those who believe him to be the holiest of the holy. His arsenal of evil tactics, all used toward his primary goal of gaining and maintaining power and control, is very large. And most people have no idea that he is using them, so effective is his ability to deceive.
Many of you who have read my book Unholy Charade* or my first book, A Cry for Justice*, know what the standard, typical, widespread experience is of a Christian woman who is married to a domestic abuser. When she finally (we say finally because there are many factors working against her even realizing what is happening to her)…when she finally musters up courage to go to her pastor or other fellow Christians for help, her story does not proceed to “and they all lived happily ever after.” Not at all.
Her life takes even more turns for the worse. It gets much worse. With very few exceptions her local church works to keep her in bondage, minimizes the evil she has been enduring for years, and eventually focuses its energy on “fixing” her abuser and “fixing” her marriage. All of this is destined to miserable failure, and when it does all fall apart, the victim will be the scapegoat. “She just didn’t trust the Lord. She wouldn’t try hard enough.”
My purpose in writing at this blog is to continue to 1) expose these unholy charlatans hiding in the local church for what they are, and 2) to believe and validate victims, helping them to understand what is happening to them, to identify the false, unbiblical counsel they are receiving, and point them to the freedom that is theirs in Christ.
I invite you to come along with me as we shine Christ’s light into the darkness of this evil. This wickedness is in your church! I can say that without fear of being wrong. It is a wickedness that is of the most evil, vile and hardened kind. I know of pastors, right at this moment, who are living this unholy charade, preaching from their pulpits every Sunday, giving people “biblical” counsel in their offices, but who in reality are wickedly and habitually abusing their wives behind the scenes. Their flock think that they know him. They do not.
Let’s turn up the heat for these creeps who have crept in among us and in so doing see if we cannot also help the targets of their abuse find freedom.

The people who are secretly practicing evil while playing the game of pretend as good Christians are the hardest and most treacherous of all abusers. When a person decides to use the mask of Christianity for his unholy charade, he commits an odious sin which, if persisted in leads to a final departure of the Lord from him.

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