“As Is” and “What You See is Not Necessarily What You Get”

We know that RASNs (revilers, abusers, sociopaths, narcissists) are very deceptive. They wear disguises and like their father the devil, they can appear as angels of light or sons of righteousness as the Apostle Paul puts it.

In defending ourselves against these kind, there are two points of wisdom which will serve us well if we truly believe them and do not permit false ideas to steer us into danger. The first point is the “As Is” principle which I was encouraged to hear being taught recently. Let’s consider what it means.

To employ “As Is” in approaching a relationship is to truly understand and believe that very, very few people actually morph into a better person. Really, it is only the Lord who can make someone a new creation through the new birth by faith alone in Christ alone. But the Bible makes it clear that the way is narrow that leads to life and few are they who find it. Most people, the vast majority, choose to walk the easy way of Broadway which leads to hell. The church, the real church, therefore, is often referred to in the Bible as the “remnant.”

Now, what does this mean in regard to this “As Is” principle? Simply this – that when we approach relationships, when for instance we consider someone as a potential spouse, we must take time to get to know them. Because (and I will insert the second principle of wisdom here) “what you see is not necessarily what you get.” This means, of course, that sin is deceptive and that wicked people are often adept at concealing who and what they really are. How often have we heard from abuse victims who tell us that the person they thought they were marrying disappeared on the honeymoon and a very different person emerged! “What you see is not necessarily what you get.” It is vital that we approach new relationships with this piece of wisdom. Paul warned Timothy of this in respect to appointing officers in the church:

1Ti 5:22 Do not lay hands upon anyone too hastily and thereby share responsibility for the sins of others; keep yourself free from sin.

Our natural tendency is to be, well, foolish. We want to believe the best about people, but that approach must be seasoned with wisdom. With a realization that your initial impression may be quite wrong.

And this brings us back to the “As Is” principle. As a relationship develops, and if we are wise and therefore we begin to see the real person – be it only through a few “mask-slipping” warning signs or via more evident traits – we must NEVER proceed down the “I am sure I can help and fix this person” highway. That path is a road to disaster and misery. In other words, we should imagine this label upon the person – “As Is.” If you see clearly, if you have taken the time to truly see what a person is, then they are “As Is.” No warranties to fall back on. Let the buyer beware.

Hearing someone else state this “As Is” principle was quite encouraging to me because for the last 12 years as I have written on this blog and in several books, I have repeatedly presented these two principles which I still believe today:

1. Abusers (RASNs) never change.
2. A marriage to an abuser does not need to be fixed, it needs to be ended.

Abusers are “As Is.” And I tell abuse victims that if they will embrace these two principles as truth and then base their decisions about the relationship on these two points, they will make wise decisions which will eventually lead to freedom.

I have actually had abuse victims get quite angry with me when I presented these two truths to them. I was actually just trying to teach them the “As Is” principle. What you now see is what you will continue to get. The best way to predict what your relationship with the abuser is going to be in the future is to look at what it has been in the past. Because abusers never change. They are “As Is.” You cannot return them for a replacement. You can’t get your money back for a defective item. You cannot “save them.”

“But my God can do the impossible! I refuse to give up! I have faith! God can change anyone.” That is not wisdom, nor is it faith. There are things that the Lord cannot do. He cannot and will not be untrue to His own character. He will not wink at sin. He will not save anyone who refuses to call upon Him for His saving mercy. He cannot save the devil.