If favor is shown to the wicked, he does not learn righteousness; in the land of uprightness he deals corruptly and does not see the majesty of the LORD. (Isaiah 26:10)
A normal, non-toxic person responds positively to kindness shown to them. They are thankful. They want to show kindness in return. This is how we think and how we respond to kindness shown.
But here is where we go wrong. We believe that surely everyone thinks and responds just as we do. And that is a trap. It is not being wise to imagine that a wicked person such as a RASN (reviler, abuser, sociopath, narcissist) thinks and reacts just like we do. One of the first steps in waking up to these evils is to realize that RASN’s are not wired normally.
Now, certainly we “normals” are capable of sin. There are times when kindness is shown to us and we do not respond with thankfulness. We can be inconsiderate. BUT, look again at the Psalmist’s statement about the wicked. If favor is shown to him/her, he does not learn righteousness. In other words, this is characteristic of the RASN. It is who he is. When kindness is shown to him, he only continues in his wickedness. He does not learn, even in the slightest amount, what is right. His currency is corruption.
We need to learn this truth very, very well. You cannot ‘win’ your abuser by showering him with kindness. The RASN is not going to change in reaction to you resolving to love him more. That is not how he is wired. In fact, I can tell you what his response will be. He will see your kindness as evidence of your weakness and he will be energized to abuse you even more. He does not learn righteousness from being shown favor. He just keeps being even more who he really is. If favor is shown to the wicked, he does not learn righteousness; in the land of uprightness he deals corruptly and does not see the majesty of the LORD.
I have learned this truth the hard way over many years. It took me a long time to finally get it. I still catch myself imagining scenarios that are just that – imaginary. You know, those thoughts where we play out some script in our mind with a “they all changed and lived happily ever after” outcome. Not gonna happen. Not when we are dealing with a RASN. You are not going to change your RASN. That is why I always tell abuse victims two things:
- Your abuser is never going to change.
- A marriage to an abuser does not need to be fixed, it needs to be ended.
Solveig Warren
This is so true and terribly painful to realise how many years you wasted on trying to salvage a minimum of decency!!
However don’t waste time on the awfulness of your life instead turn the awfulness into victories and triumphs as you have survived and are still alive to tell your story! My reason for saying this is the ultimate aim of the RASN is total destruction of you , the victim. Hence any morsels left can be resurrected into a new creation of an almost lost life. There is always hope for victory. Is it worth it? Yes it is!!!!
George
The majesty of God that they don’t see is found in Romans 5:8. ” But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” To truly love your abuser you need to allow your abuser to suffer the consequences of their action. Their life is a response to the perfect love God shows them. ” Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.” We just need to get out of the way and surrender our broken lives to Him.
Lynn
Trying to “love” them to repentance only validates the RASNs beliefs about their superiority and gives them the justification for continuing their abusive ways. We get more of what we accept and reward. When we do not hold RASNs accountable for their abuse, it will only escalate.
Remember God cannot and will not change the heart of a RASN who’s hellbent on their own way. He won’t violate their free will.
The most loving thing that Christians can do for the RASNs in their lives is to establish and stick to firm boundaries, and call them to repentance. If they refuse to repent and continue to inflict harm, then pray to God for his divine justice to intervene and hand them over to Him to deal with. Start putting together a plan to leave in a manner that will allow for you to escape safely. If they’ve broken the law, at a time when you are safe go to the police and file a report.
This is why I believe everyone – especially women – need to get and maintain skills that they can use to earn money. You never know what will happen in life. If you do accidentally get married to a RASN, having the ability to earn your own money will help you be able to achieve freedom faster than if you are solely dependent on the RASN for money to live.
If you are a Christian, know that God loves you, wants what is best for you, and doesn’t demand that you stay in an abusive relationship, You don’t have to wait to die or for the RASN to die in order to get free. Abuse is grounds for divorce. 100% of abusive marriages should be ended, not reconciled. Light and darkness can’t be reconciled. Good and evil can’t be reconciled. Christians and RASNs can’t be reconciled.
We aren’t supposed to be unequally yoked in marriage, nor are we supposed to be slaves forever if we end up married to a RASN. Marriage is meant to be a great blessing, not a curse of lifelong slavery. As God used Moses to free the children of Israel from slavery to the Egyptians, He can free you from the slavery of an abusive marriage.
Depending on the nature of your RASN, how you leave will be vitally important to your and your children’s safety. Put a plan together for how you can do that safely, asking God for wisdom and guidance for how to do it, and what steps you need to do in order to make it happen.
Christ came and bought our freedom from sin, the devil, and the grave redeeming us from the curse of Adam. For whom the Son sets free is free indeed, Go be free.
Cordelia
When the wicked man (who called himself “husband” and had planned the divorce several years before it happened [I found a document proving it] ) was speaking to someone on the phone in another room I overheard this, “I can tell you THIS, if she comes and apologizes things around here are GOING to be DIFFERENT, COUNT on THAT!” Since trying to explain the tone he spoke these words in would never convey it accurately I’ll translate: “I will control every shred of funds; she must BEG! for EVERY penny and will be denied, but she will never know where and on whom I am spending money. She will do my bidding with the upmost compliance, I will dictate every area of her life. She will never have contact with her family ever again. Her life will be solitary confinement; I’m the Warden. She won’t deserve even that good of a life.
Ladies, if you leave, *never* go back. He’ll finish you off one way or another.
Jeff Crippen
Thank you! This is wisdom!
Yes
I’m sorry.
I would like to apologize to all the RASN’s God has put in my life. My parents, all my siblings, schoolmates, teachers, cousins, coworkers, etc.
What am I sorry for?
That you ever saw God’s love, faithfulness, loyalty, generosity, perseverance, kindness, hope, and all the other gifts of the Spirit that were displayed to you through His Spirit in me. Why? Because you are now even more responsible for your rejection of Him.
Every time you lie about me, speak ill of me, twist the truth, claim the righteous behavior you saw in me as your own, and place your own evil behavior on me; you are building up wrath for yourself eternally. After all, when you try to sneak in the sheepgate (John 10:1) without going through Christ, you are confirming that you are nothing more than a thief and a robber. You are verifying that everything the bible says about you is correct. You are spiritually like your father the devil and that every thing you do identifies you as his.
I’m sorry I was ever good, kind, or loving, to you. Instead, once I realized who you were, I should have had nothing to do with you. (2 Tim. 3:1-5) Unfortunately for your sake, I wasn’t aware of this truth for decades and I did not choose who I was born to. God has shown me through a lifetime with you and those like you, that He speaks the truth in His word. That you love who you are and cannot learn truth. Truth is another gift from God and he does not give it to the devil or his children. You as a RASN think truth is worthless as you believe yourself to be god.
When you insist that I pray for you or demand that I forgive you or that God should forgive you by claiming Luke 23:24 ““Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”” You cannot claim this verse. You know who/what you are, and your soul DELIGHTS in your abominations. Isaiah 66:3.
By the way, my “I’m sorry” is sarcasm.
I am grateful God has shown me His truth through His word and in my life. I rejoice that the Bible is full of God’s truth about who and what you are. And because of this I am also grateful God has created hell for you. I do not deserve God’s grace but I am eternally grateful he has bestowed it on me. And because God is ONLY good and just, hell is a perfect fit for you. The clock is ticking for all of us. I can’t wait till His truth is revealed and we all stand before Him in judgement. I will be face-planted on the ground, while you will be standing up shaking your fist in the air demanding God give you what you think you deserve. (Please don’t stand near me by the way as you stink!) You WILL get just what you deserve. You have no idea what’s coming your way.
Z
Dear YES,
Your comments are so filled with truth and wisdom.
I have a very similar story and history and I gained my wisdom about this kind of evil late in life. Decades for me too spent trying to show kindnesses and the heart of Jesus to people who loved their evil hearts. Too long spent trying to create a fantasy family with people of darkness. Children of satan.
So I feel and identify with all of what you wrote. Praise God for the freedom we now have to pursue a life of Truth and Light in and with Jesus. Free of the shackles we placed on ourselves to try to do the impossible. Only God can change a heart. And these followers of satan enjoy the harm they inflict on God’s true children way too much to even consider changing their hearts. They continue to mock Him and He will honor their free will choice to spend eternity in hell.
I pray for God’s Justice to be done for each of the MANY who chose evil or was complicit in it with their alliance with the wicked.
Even the God of Perfect Love turns His back on these kinds. He tells us not to pray for them anymore. It’s ALL spelled out in God’s Word!
Best blessings to you!