“Their throat is an open grave; they use their tongues to deceive.” “The venom of asps is under their lips.”
(Romans 3:13)Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.
(Ephesians 4:29)
Speech is an amazing thing. It is unique to man. But in his fallen, sinful condition, this ability becomes a two-edged sword, just as James tells us:
And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell. For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so.
(James 3:6-10)
Words have power – for good or for evil. The RASN (reviler, abuser, sociopath, narcissist) uses his or her tongue for evil. Their tongue is actually their weapon of choice, very often even more so than their fist. Paul likens the tongue of the wicked to the venom of a snake with power to poison and even kill. Who was the fool who originally pawned this off on us? – sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me. That has to go down as one of the top idiotic statements ever made. “Well, has he ever actually hit you? No? Ok, then don’t make a big deal out of it.” Typical response to an abuse victim by the brain dead.
Being subjected to verbal assault has actual physical and mental effects. These missiles from the enemy really do damage. They are sneaky, cunning, launched with “plausible deniability” so that if the abuser is called out by anyone he/she can just say, “I didn’t mean it. No big deal.” “Oh, toughen up! It’s not like I stabbed you or anything.” But the abuser did mean it, and did stab.
How is it that the Bible, which professing Christians claim to believe, has soooo much to say about the power of words, insist that an abuse victim must stay in a marriage with an evil word-missile-launching spouse? Beat her up. Put her in the hospital. Give her a black eye. Hold a gun to her head. Ok. But “just words” don’t qualify because they really aren’t any big deal.
But the Bible, God’s Word, says that evil words have power to kill. They are poison. Administered repeatedly they traumatize, produce physical ailments, even drive to suicide. Anyone who minimizes the power of words needs to be confronted with the truth that they are rejecting the Word of God.
The power of words is also positively seen. It’s called encouragement, wisdom, life-giving. The ultimate Word is the Word of God which even has the power to create. Jesus is the Word of God who came to show us the Father and give us life in His Name. We are born again by faith in the Word – the gospel. This gospel, Paul tells us, is the power of God to salvation.
So we have an amazing ability to effect healing and good in others by using our tongue (speech) as a power for good to them. To encourage them. To comfort them. To give them hope. We who know Christ are to be kind to one another and how is that kindness most typically given? In our words.
Our tongue is a mighty instrument. For good or for evil. The RASN wields it as a weapon of evil and that is one reason Paul tells us that we have been given the shield of faith as a kind of missile defense system to counter the lies and assaults sent our way by the enemy and his servants.
Em
Thank you pastor, I totally agree. That idiotic phrase was a favorite of my narc-dad’s. It took me a while to hear it for the lie it is, but now that’s all I hear!
Here is my revision:
Sticks and stones can break my bones but words can stab and kill me.
Jeff Crippen
Perfect!!!
Denise
Words may not break bones but many a heart and spirit has been broken and crushed by them!
Em
I completely agree.
I have learned an excellent technique from a therapist/counselor via youtube, he calls it the “observe but don’t absorb” technique. Even as a child I occasionally was able to do this simply because I knew in my head that what I was hearing was a lie. I practice this any time I am confused or uncertain, and I think ‘that’s not true, you’re lying.’ It makes a huge difference for me, hopefully now for others too.
We cannot make someone love us or treat us right or even speak and behave well, kindly. What we can do is know that it’s a reflection of them, it really isn’t us, the one abused. What we can also do is walk away; I have had to walk away from 3 family members, and many Christians disagree but they aren’t living my life. They are also ignorant about evil, just as I once was. They cannot live your life, either.
Follow Christ, that’s all that matters.
Jeff Crippen
Truth! Thankyou.
lg
God’s Word has a lot to say about the power of words.
This also reminds me of Masaru Emoto’s water experiments from Japan. He claimed that human emotions could influence the molecular structure of water. In his experiments, Emoto exposed water to different emotional stimuli, such as positive or negative thoughts, words, or music. The molecular structure of the water became ugly and distorted when exposed to negative language, heavy metal music etc. But the molecular structure of the water that was exposed to positive words and classical music was beautiful, symmetric like snowflakes…..
Holly Ward
I have recently understood that my husband is a RASN verbally for the last several months to where it became physically aggressive toward me and our home. He was arrested that evening henceforth this was the last interaction I had with him followed by a brief court appearance. Literally within hours of this I filed for divorce, have a protection order against him and criminal case pending.
How is the best way to insert the lord into this. I know he’s here battle already been one but my heart is bleeding.