1Co 15:33 Do not be deceived: “Bad company corrupts good morals.”
When we are in association with a RASN (reviler, abuser, sociopath, narcissist), we spend our days, as the saying goes, “walking on eggshells.” Stepping ever so carefully in every word we say, every action we take – lest the egg break. By that I mean, lest the RASN attack, blow up, criticize, shame, gaslight – and on the list goes.
This careful stepping creeps up on us. We can end up spending every moment of every day doing it. It becomes a habit. It becomes the norm, so we may not even realize the extent to which we are living our lives this way. It is bondage – there is no doubt about that. It destroys individuality, personality, creativity – it is a black hole that sucks the joy right out of us. And the stress! It really is a kind of living in fear. No wonder targets of these RASNs so often suffer physical ailments.
But there is still another effect on us when we have to take each step so carefully that the fragile eggshell doesn’t break. And that effect is – we can begin to become an ally of the RASN. In our careful stepping we can end up defending the RASN, covering for them, siding with them and even adopting some of the RASNs evil characteristics ourselves. That latter effect is a very sad one. “No way!” is our initial reaction to that notion. But when God’s Word says, “bad company corrupts good morals,” it means just that.
What are some signs that a victim is beginning to evidence some RASN tactics themselves? Perhaps the list would include things like attacking anyone who threatens to break the eggshell, defending the RASNs evil deeds, choosing to ignore the RASNs sins in order to retain financial benefit. I’m sure the list would go on. Victims can even adopt the RASNs mentality of entitlement and superiority over others. All of it is a means of keeping that eggshell in tact.
So, for those of you who are wondering if you should leave your RASN, I hope these warnings will help you make the right decision. Now, I know breaking off a toxic relationship with a RASN is in no way easy. In the short term it may not even be possible due to complicating circumstances like the custody and welfare of children. I am not minimizing those obstacles in any way. But even for the time in which you may have to remain connected to a RASN, you can take care to honestly examine yourself to see if the RASNs evils are infecting you. Because I really don’t think any of us want to become images of a RASN. After all, that in a very real way would be the RASNs ultimate victory over us.
Kate
From the post:
“When we are in association with a RASN (reviler, abuser, sociopath, narcissist), we spend our days, as the saying goes, “walking on eggshells.” Stepping ever so carefully in every word we say, every action we take – lest the egg break. By that I mean, lest the RASN attack, blow up, criticize, shame, gaslight – and on the list goes.”
Now, picture a child with a conscience, born into a family LOADED with RASNs. How does this childhood look? How does their emotional and spiritual growth evolve? This is a child who will learn to fear, appease, give up their own identity, and never learn to truly feel and know who they are or what it means to be loved. They will learn to hate themselves, take on everyone’s shame, and have no voice or ability to speak truth without severe repercussions.
What if, as an adult, they somehow wake up and realize they have been severely neglected and abused and seek help. What if the church or psychologist they go to, turns out to be yet another RASN institution or person? Since the majority of humans alive today ARE RASNs, and the majority of churches are full of them, this is a common occurrence.
They will again be abused, mocked, accused of being insane, or told that they are the perpetrator themselves, instead of being healed.
I was thinking of this post while at an appointment and realized how much longer it took me to do everything in my life because of RASNs. I wasn’t able to get my college degree until I was in my fifties. I wasn’t able to know how sweet my heart truly was until I was in my forties. (I had LOATHED myself my entire life and thought I was the evil one. I finally asked God to show me my heart and I was SHOCKED to find I was actually SWEET. God showed me that when I was saved as a young child I was given HIS heart. And at that same time, the church immediately used it against me and to control me.)
We spend our entire lives OVERCOMING RASNs. They do NOT enhance our lives in ANY WAY! Any wisdom we learned could have been taught in a different way because God does NOT need evil to teach his children.
Are you starting to see how rare you are? How God has actually brought you to truth because he loves you enough to wake you up and bring you here? To one of the very few places on earth that speaks truth and keeps out the evil ones?
Pastor Crippen, thank you for making a place for us to come and rest and speak truth. I pray any Godly wisdom that’s here proves to be a blessing for all God’s children. I also pray it’s a curse and a stumbling block to any evil ones reading this.
Jeff Crippen
Thank you very much for these insights Kate. Yes, in soooo many cases the “church” a real Christian is in is in fact filled with Cains who hate true Abels.
Sharon
Wow! Thais is so true! Spot on! Very accurate!