Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church

The inexcusable “sin”

3Jn 1:9-10 I have written something to the church, but Diotrephes, who likes to put himself first, does not acknowledge our authority. (10) So if I come, I will bring up what he is doing, talking wicked nonsense against us. And not content with that, he refuses to welcome the brothers, and also stops those who want to and puts them out of the church.

This is a very short post because I only need a few words to say what I want to say:

All of the evils that wicked people do are to be excused, forgotten, and forgiven. But the ‘inexcusable’ sin is the one YOU commit when you tell others about those sins.

This is still another example of the wicked person’s double standard.

I will let you all elaborate on this in your comments as I am sure you know this thing quite well.

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7 Comments

  1. Z

    After reading so many comments on this blog for so long about victims of the wicked abusers losing pretty much everything after exposing the abuse and the wicked ones, I’ve come to see that it’s sadly the norm within the church and with our professing “christian” relatives and friends, not the exception. They willingly/happily let themselves “get stopped” from exposing what they know about the abusers, expelling the wicked from among the church, standing up for the victim, from doing what God’s Word says to do in 1 Cor. 5:9-13->Expose and Expel the wicked who call themselves brothers and sisters. And no church pastor or leader preaches this truth from God’s Word! They pretend it doesn’t say anything about how to respond to evil in the church!
    They use the KNOWN LIES the exposed abuser and his/her allies and flying monkeys spread in their retaliatory smear campaign and turn their backs on the victim. KNOWING none of the smears are true! So they are willingly complicit in the sins of the abusers. And will be judged by God accordingly.
    Unfortunately for us, that’s the only justice we can expect. No church leader, no church friend, no one will hold the wicked abuser accountable. What cowardice.
    We have to get used to the fact that we are alone in this world humanly speaking. Praise God that I have a husband to walk alongside me. He has been their victim too. And still we feel lonely and isolated by the betrayals and abandonment of everyone who knows the truth of our abuse at the hands of the wicked. They saw with their own eyes the proof of the violence! Yet turned away from us anyway and ran towards the abusers as they always have. But I’m not a little helpless abused child anymore who thought she needed these people around me in an attempt to feel somewhat safer and less alone and helpless. I didn’t realize then that they NEVER would have helped me! They’d have tried to shut me up! Their evil hearts have always sided with evil by covering it up at all costs. What damage they did to my soul when I realized this as an adult after they ran to ally themselves with the known wicked ones. Left me (and my husband) bleeding on the side of the road. Turning from the literal bleeding their own eyes had seen!
    My heart aches for those who don’t even have that one person to walk alongside them. What loneliness it must feel like.
    But with Jesus and the Holy Spirit our Helper Jesus left for us, we are never alone. He will equip us for the hard journey we have been dealt.
    And God sees it all from His Throne of Righteousness and Justice. And He will make it right on that Great Day for us. A Terrible Day for the wicked!

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    • Walker

      Thank you so much for your precious comment. The loneliness is absolutely wretched, I despise it with my soul. The betrayal, isolation and deprivation feel like ongoing death. Your caring comment is a blessing. Thank you Jeff Crippen for your care and ministry. And thank you Z for your compassion and your thoughts, I agree with you completely. I am so sorry for what you and your husband have been through. And I am so glad that you have each other.

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      • Z

        Walker, I’m so sorry you have to know these awful feelings. The re-traumatizing people did after the abuse was exposed. The deep betrayals. I wish we didn’t have to know these feelings. They are like a “death” that has to be grieved and processed. But it makes no sense! So it’s hard to accept and process. Because so-called Christians are the ones who did it. They have evil hearts that identify with the evil ones. Children of satan. And they don’t even know why they hate us and turn their backs on us. That it’s the Light of Jesus in us that their master satan hates. And they do his bidding. They will suffer the same fate that he has coming. If they knew Scripture, they’d know this. But their consciences are seared so they feel no guilt. They know they’ve caused us to suffer great harm. And they just don’t care. Worldly idols-popularity and “protection” with the abusers and their “crowd” all walking down the Broad Way to destruction, the invites to parties, gifts, social connections, paying no cost for following Christ.
        I will pray that the Presence of Jesus comes alongside you in a very real tangible way. Though I have my husband, and it’s no small thing, the loneliness and soul hurt for me by MY entire “clan” and “friends” was devastating to me. Only by getting closer and closer to Jesus and asking for His gentle touch and words to me that I could discern while crying out to Him brought me out of that dark place. I pray the same for you. May God bless you with HIS Peace.

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    • healinginhim

      You’ve stated it so well. Yes. At times it has and is a lonely road but my Comfort lies in that God is a witness to everything. It’s still bittersweet to have those whom you loved and served turn against you with lies.
      Pastor Crippen has brought attention through the Word; the double standard of so many. When first saved this really threw me off as I thought it was me that must be wrong or interpreting Scripture wrong? I was witnessing things in professing Christians lives that just didn’t correspond with what I was reading in the Bible.
      Even now, they refuse to listen to anything concerning abuse.

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      • Z

        healinginhim,
        Yes. 👆🏽God saw and sees it ALL. And we can trust His character to repay them for what the abusers have done and what their allies have done to add to our traumas and suffering. They’ll all suffer the same final end-destruction. And we will be taken up by the Lord to glory forever! The Bible says so! (Psalm 73)
        God bless you.

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  2. Dee

    Thank you, Pastor Crippen. You have an exquisitely sensitive heart toward victims of abuse, while at the same time maintaining a very sharp and astute eye toward abusers. Thank you for calling them out. It takes tremendous courage to take a stand like you do for us. You will never know how much it means to each one of us. The validation alone is rarely found anywhere else. You leave no stone unturned! May the Lord continue blessing you and yours, your ministry, and each of those suffering any form of abuse so they will one day be able to look back on all they went through from a new and better chapter of their lives.

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