Mat 6:14-15 For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, (15) but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
Eph 4:32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
Narcissists, sociopaths, abusers and their kind never forgive. They blame and shame and accuse, but they never forgive. They may claim to forgive, they may mouth words of forgiveness, but in fact they never forgive.
These wicked ones will do all kinds of things if they perceive you have wronged them (and you are always the one to blame). Resolving a conflict, working to genuinely reconcile when there has been some sin or perceived sin, is just not in their bag of tricks.
The primary goal of a narcissist (call them an abuser if you will)…is vengeance. Getting even. Revenge. And of course forgiveness is just not in the recipe for any of those motives.
The worst wrong you can ever to do such an evil person is (just ask him) to expose them. To call them out. To be light shining on their darkness. The rage will ensue and vengeance will be sought.
Now, from the Scriptures quoted above, and from many other scriptures, a person who refuses to forgive is not forgiven by the Lord. Jesus said so. That is to say, they are not born again. Play the “christian” game all they want, it is a biblical fact that cannot be refuted – anyone who is characterized by a refusal to forgive is not one of Christ’s people. “Just as God in Christ forgave you.” But these wicked ones are not forgiven by God. They do not know His forgiveness – neither will they ever give it.
This sin of unforgiveness is not committed by the seeking of justice. We are not refusing to forgive if we end a relationship with a narcissist. But the person who is driven in the depth of their being to punish and exact revenge upon anyone who they perceive has wronged them – that person is dead in trespasses and sins. Forgiven people forgive, you see.
Over the years as a pastor – nearly 4 decades now – I have crossed paths with many, many of these children of the devil. They lashed out, accused, reviled, tried to destroy…and guess how many of them ever subsequently got back to me these 4 decades later? None. Not a single one. THAT is unforgiveness.
A true Christian cannot NOT forgive. The thing is impossible.
[NOTE: The emphasis in this post is upon the wicked person’s refusal to forgive. Nothing here is meant to imply that victims of evil are required by God to “forgive and forget” in the sense of never seeking justice or praying for the Lord to exact His perfect vengeance upon the wicked. What we all are required by the Lord to do is to not seek vengeance ourselves. We are not to be overcome by evil but to overcome it and heap burning coals on the wicked person’s head by not responding in kind. Thank you to a reader for asking for clarification on this point].