Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church

Accused of Being Cruel for Blocking Cruelty

2Ti 4:14-15 Alexander the coppersmith did me great harm; the Lord will repay him according to his deeds. (15) Beware of him yourself, for he strongly opposed our message.

We are not told exactly what Alexander had done to cause Paul great harm, but we do know that he did it. Paul not only identifies him by name and announces his evil, but he tells Timothy to go no contact with the guy. To beware of him. Certainly that means not only to be wise to him, but to have nothing to do with him. Don’t listen to him. Don’t answer his texts. Don’t friend him on Facebook.

When we take this kind of action – very appropriate action indeed, made necessary by the evils such people do – we are the ones who will be charged with being “unkind, cruel, unforgiving, throwing people under the bus….” yada, yada, yada. Many of you have probably experienced this.

This thing is nothing more than the raging of evil for being called out. Cruelty is met with a refusal to be subjected to it further, and yet that no-contact action step is charged with cruelty! The wicked one will say “you unfriended me! That is so mean, so selfish, so uncaring.” And yet it is just common sense. When a person is assaulted, they take reasonable steps to prevent further assaults. To fail to do so is unwise.

So, expect it. And don’t let such false charges prevent you from doing what Paul told Timothy to do. Have nothing to do with Alexander.


Do we Really Want to be Well?


Getting in the Wreck Over and Over is not Wise


  1. We have his assurance…..

    Thank you for posting this – a clear depiction of what is very likely to transpire when you remove yourself from an abuser, and their eerily bold and often covert cruelty. Particularly if, against so many odds, you are able to successfully cease contact from them… inevitably they go into a new sabotage mode when they lose power over you.

    It seems the deeper and more twisted their abuse is or was, the more they, the “Alexanders” will persecute you, shame you and twist it around to make it appear that you were the possessed and cruel one instead of them. This is while they are a wolf standing right there in sheep’s clothing, practically salivating over the “win” in covering their tracks with lies. There is an agitated, almost subdued eagerness that is bubbling under their disguise…. Call it what it is….. the Alexanders amongst us are evil and it does no good to let them be excused as if they are anything but.

    Work, home, church, etc. the Alexanders are found in all places, and are very prevalent…. It is comforting to be reminded of Paul’s handling of them in the very situations we face still today.

    The beauty is….. the current day Alexanders can say their twisted lies all they want, it does not change that you stood up for the truth and did not bow to their evil. How each person stands up may be different in the delivery, you know your situation, and each has its own backdrop.

    The consistency is that in truth, Jesus guaranteed our assurance that we can keep moving on in and with complete confidence in him…. Paul shows us what it looks like.

  2. Z

    Dear We have his assurance,
    So well said! No matter what kind of abuse was present or where the abuse came from, the professing “christians” who are abusers-the Alexanders and wolves in sheep’s clothing-the modus operandi after we call out the abuse and separate ourselves completely from them does bring on another level of retaliatory abuse. It doesn’t end with No Contact. They enlist everyone you ever knew in that abuse. They want to destroy us in the eyes of anyone who will listen. Lies, smears, false accusations…Funny how these tactics all seem to work quite well with our “christian” extended family and church friends. Willful ignorance and blindness and disobedience of God out of self-interest. Acknowledging that the abuse is true (as they often KNOW it is) would mean inconvenience or some kind of material or popularity/status loss for them. So they easily throw the victim under the bus and walk away without blinking. Without considering what GOD thinks of their choices for comfort and status in this world and with the abusers (who they see as the “Power People” they want to follow and idolize and victims as “throwaway people” and an inconvenience to them). They have NO worries about what GOD will do in response to their disobedience. Living for THIS world and not for eternity. It’s ALL being written in His book.
    IF they really knew God they’d FEAR the consequences of their actions. But they don’t know God. They aren’t born again. Counterfeits all.
    My lifetime of abuse was from my family of origin and was well-known by ALL those “christian” family and friends who walked away as cowards when I exposed it and I separated from the abusers as well as anyone who enabled the abusers, covered up for them, lied for them, tried to stay “neutral”, pretended not to know (gaslighting) about the abuse they actually witnessed all my life many times…They ALL will answer to God for their disobedience to Him. They can profess to be born again all they want but they mock God and His power with their actions. Almost “daring” Him to call them out on their fraud. He tells us in His Word what to do with these kinds of people. EXPOSE THEM. DO NOT ASSOCIATE WITH THEM AT ALL. EXPEL THEM FROM CHRIST’S CHURCH. Not to walk in step with the wicked. To not even pray for them anymore. They’ve shown they will never change. To pray Imprecatory Prayers for God’s perfect justice to be administered quickly…All to protect Jesus’ flock from these wolves.
    I am still a target of the abusers and their allies even while in No Contact. They are obsessed because they can’t take what they see as rejection. And because they can’t have access to me. But I am just being obedient to God’s Word. Waaaay late in my life! I wasted decades trying to effect change in people who will never change. Because off my hopes and dreams of someday having the loving, caring family everyone should have. But all those decades of unrealistic hopes and dreams were normal but a complete illusion. They were IMPOSSIBLE given the evil I was dealing with. Any sporadic kind act by them was just that. An act with a goal. When they felt me pulling away and setting firmer boundaries they pulled out all the fake nice acts in their bag of usual tricks to try to draw me back (hoovering) into their cycle of abuse that would always follow once I “forgave” them. False teaching about forgiveness made me stumble and suffer for so so many years. No repentance ever even hinted at by their words or actions. But I was falsely taught I HAD to “forgive them even if they aren’t sorry”. And that demonic teaching led me into so much more abuse! Same thing with false teaching about the “sacredness” of “family”. NOT Scriptural and NOT what Jesus taught. Not surprisingly, the main “christian” teacher and mentor in my large clan/cult of fraudulent “christians” was herself an eyewitness to the lifelong abuse and an enabler and coverup artist for the abusers. She led me like a lamb to slaughter just to keep on good terms with the known abusers. Can’t risk ANY discomfort for standing for the truth and protecting a viciously and violently abused child right? But she and all the others like her are OK with the RISK OF GOD’S WRATH for their hypocrisy!! They fear man more than God. They want to be in good standing with evil people and this world more than they want to be in good standing with GOD. With their eternal life on the line
    All I can say is WOE TO THEM! Calling evil good and good evil. Telling me that the most violent cruel habitual abusers are “saved” and “covered by the Blood of Jesus” for their engaging in evil habitual sins because they once repeated the Sinner’s Prayer with her long ago.
    THANK GOD for this ministry Pastor Crippen leads that validates and protects VICTIMS and doesn’t welcome evil into its flock. And teaches us about what Scripture says about all the things we need to know to recognize evil within the church and by professing “christians” and to finally get free of it. After years of following Pastor’s writings and sermons I still learn something new and important most days. I can’t express how thankful I am that I found these blog posts and all the rest at the right time.
    More Divine intervention after God had already led me through a Red Sea moment which instantly gave me eyes to see the evil demonic nature of the abusers and instantly prompted me to cut them out of my life forever. Life is different and hard as a result of having no family or friends and little to no opportunity to make new safe friends. But it was the best decision ever. Obeying God always results in His working for our GOOD.
    God bless and keep you, Pastor Crippen!

  3. We have his assurance

    Z, Thank you for sharing and absolutely everything you said is completely how it is – could see it all as I read through your experience. Complete with the deflection and smoke and mirrors cover ups the abuser allies do, including those who knew of the abusers and just flat look the other way, their neutrality is the same as evil promotion….

    These are the Alexanders in a different form, but still the Alexanders of this day. One of their favorites is accusing you of being an unforgiving unbeliever – yes, the one who doesn’t know the blood of Jesus, etc., yet you called them out for what they are, stood your ground and are cautioning others. This is how there is victory, one at a time. Each time you hold firm to the truth of what is going on it puts the Alexander-types on notice.

    What I wouldn’t have given to have known there were others such as you as I was going through the thick of it all. I do hope someone who is in the thick of the fallout will read your post and know they are not alone – and they too will be ok in the truth.

    I heard an abuse advocate suggest taking each such interactions one at a time, meaning in that second of their malicious attacks, or in the moments, or in that hour, or that day. Not to worry about taking them all on, just tackle it one at a time. This wisdom reflects the teaching, Jesus has taken care of us and God will address the masses – we address each as they occur. Just as you did and are. Reading your post is reading a victory story…. it’s a huge praise…. the “Alexanders” remain as they have chosen and you got away and moved on to tell others, perhaps sparing them in doing so!

    • Z

      Thank you, We have his assurance! There was a time I thought I’d never recover from all the abuses and betrayals and the spiritual neglect and abuse. I felt so alone. This community and the info Pastor Crippen shares with us has been instrumental in my progress. I thank God that my story resonated with you and you see it as a victory story! And one that will help others.
      When I really was alone-except for my 100% supportive husband who was also a target of my former family’s abuses-I reached out to Pastor Crippen. I felt like I was sinking into dark waters. I’ll never forget his advice. It was to simply cry out “Help me, Jesus!” He reminded me that Jesus is ALWAYS there with His outstretched hand to pull me up out of the waters that seem to be overwhelming me. And in a blog post Pastor focused on Psalm 73. That has become my go-to Scripture when evil and the wicked seem to be thriving and winning in this world, as it does far too often. That Psalm sets my mind straight! And written so long ago by Asaph, it shows we are not alone in what we are going through.
      I’ve had to go it alone in my recovery from chronic family of origin abuse all my life as well as a final very violent pre-planned weapon attack by them on me and my husband. Criminal attack with serious injuries. When I called the police and we took legal action for compensation for the injuries, that’s when the total abandonment by everyone I ever knew was complete. Somehow, I was the bad guy for not covering up a violent crime because they were “family”. I was told that verbatim so many times. I cut ties with all of them as well. Yes, they turned their backs when we, as a brother and sister in Christ (except they weren’t IN CHRIST AFTER ALL!), we were viciously attacked, but I made sure there was no way they could worm their way back as they’d always done all my life after abuses. That door is closed and bolted shut! Complicity in evil IS ITSELF EVIL. But I was on an island by myself with only my husband and I had to relearn how to do life without a family, relatives, friends, a church…But the👆🏽LORD stood with me and gave me strength! Always!
      So it is a victory story after all. To know that Jesus is my all in all. God bless you!

  4. Innoscent

    A couple of years ago I did some thorough research on “Alexander the coppersmith”, see what I could find, piece it together from various biblical and historical sources and possibly get to the bottom of the issue. The following summary, I think is plausible and may shed some light on Alexander’s animosity toward Paul. Let me know your thoughts.

    Luke first mentions Alexander in Acts 4.6 as being one among the chief priests and elders who came against Peter and John teaching the people at the temple of Jerusalem.

    Later on (in Acts 19), Luke reports how Paul had been spreading the gospel in ancient Asia making many converts who gave up their pagan beliefs. This caused a huge stir amongst the craftsmen led by Demetrius who defended their business of artifact making for the worship of Diana and other gods in Ephesus.

    The Jewish chiefs in an attempt to explain how they had nothing to do with Paul, albeit of their kin, and strongly disapproved of his missionary work brought forward their able spokesman in the person of Alexander. He was one of the craftsmen of the city, a coppersmith, He did everything he could to stir the wrath of the crowd against Paul, but was thrust aside for being a Jew. God preserved Paul’s life, not yet to die a martyr.

    The apostle was arrested on another occasion he was ministering in the temple in Jerusalem. This led him to Rome on house arrest for 2 years to then be acquitted and released (Lk 21-28).

    A few years later (64AD), as the unpopularity toward Christians was growing, persecutions arose after the emperor Nero cast the blame on them for the great fire in Rome. The Jewish leaders seized the opportunity to falsely report the apostle Paul as the main arsonist, and got hold of him in Troas.

    Revengeful Alexander the coppersmith led in the final arrest of Paul who was to die a martyr for God. While imprisoned he wrote to Timothy to beware of such men as Alexander, an enemy of the faith in Christ (1 Tim 1.20; 2 Tim 4.14).

    I believe that Paul was led by the Spirit in denouncing in his letters to Timothy such opponents who had heard him and his companions preach the gospel, among whom was Alexander. Yet they rejected their appeal to correction and repentance and became all the more embittered against the truth, which they were bent to suppress at all cost under the influence of their father, the devil.


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