Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church

This is a very Damaging Teaching that Abusers Love

The following quote was found by twbtc on Twitter recently, posted by an abuse victim. I do not know who she is and I certainly am not posting this article with the intent of being mean to her. But her words are a teaching that is very widespread among professing Christians. The churches typically teach it. Abusers love it. And it results in victims being hindered from getting free. Here is the statement:

“While God HATES what my abuser did to me, I know that he loves my abuser as much as he loves me. So much, in fact, that he died for him. I don’t like that. But, if it’s not true then the God I’m worshipping is one that I made up and I don’t want a made up God. My abuser chose…”

First of all, let me highly recommend that anyone who thinks this is true, go to our youtube site at Unholy Charade and carefully listen to the series of videos I did entitled “Does God Love Everyone?” There is an avalanche of scripture presented there that demonstrates the answer to this question is a resounding “No.”

God does not love the wicked as much as He loves His children. God does not love the wicked in the same way He loves the righteous. In fact, I propose to you that God does not love the wicked, period! In addition, it is a false statement to insist that Christ died for your abuser. Christ died for His people, for His elect (see John 17 for instance). And finally, what we have in this statement is 180 degrees out of kilter. The god who loves the wicked as much as he loves his children, the god who died on the cross for the unrepentant, habitually and characteristically oppressor of widows and orphans, is in the fact the false god.

In this commenter’s theology, it is man who does the choosing, not God. It is the sinner (who is dead to God in his sin, unable to take a single step toward God) upon whom the matter turns. Man somehow, who hates God, chooses God. As long as I still held to these ideas (because that is what I was taught) I was unable to make any sense out of the Bible.

God hates what your abuser does, and God hates your abuser. Understanding this puts you on the path to freedom.


Forsaken by a Traitor’s Kiss


The Do-Nothing Pastor


  1. Rae

    Along with this truth. I am currently praying for the demise of the abusers. My ex and the false Christians who have an evil influence to sway my kids away from me.


  2. Anonymous

    Thank you for this post and this Truth. In casual conversations, yes even Hitler is redeemable at the last second of life through the work of the cross according to the Love Them To The Lord cult. The same people, the “good christians “, attending Sunday worship services, go home and it’s back to their worldly behaviors of snarky comments, gossip, hate-filled vile behaviors, etc.
    The LIE perpetuated is that the work of cross covers all and any ongoing sins for all time for all people. Leaving out genuine remorse, repentance, making amends and not repeating the offense.
    I’m not sure how they reconcile the love and sacrifice of Jesus Christ with their behaviors. Sounds like it more or less lines up with their abusive behaviors of taking for granted, arrogance and indifference. For this sin, they need to have great remorse and none can be found.
    Thank you for speaking the truth and thank you for this ministry.

  3. Beans

    The abuser has a way out, true repentance, so there’s no excuse. God could regenerate them into someone new in Christ, someone who God could love. But they don’t choose this, instead they sneer at God’s invitation and torture others who choose it.

  4. Ephesians 2:12-13 “…remember that you were at that time separate from Christ… strangers to the covenants of promise, having no hope and without God in the world. But now in Christ Jesus you who formerly were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ.”

    Does it really need to be explained that the love of Jesus is conditioned upon whether or not we accept it? Yes, Jesus died for all of us, but those who have not received His gift of redemption have chosen to separate themselves from His love and grace. John 1:12, ” But as many as received Him, to THEM He gave the right to become children of God…”

    As you so beautifully convey, Pastor Crippen, the writer is correct about one thing: Her husband has chosen not to surrender his life to God. And she has the right to refuse to accommodate wickedness in her marriage. It is not merely wise – but vital – to allow wicked people to reap what they have sown.

  5. hannah

    This is the type of thinking that sounds “Christian “ but isn’t. I just saw a church sign that said, “If it’s not about love, it’s not about God.” Now at first glance that looks ok because God is love, but it’s the same thinking as in the post. This type of doctrine completely ignores the full character of God!! Yes, Jesus is the lamb who was slain, but He’s also the Lion of Judah!! Since God is our Father, what father would go to his daughter’s rapist and say, “I love you just as much as I love my daughter, so while what you did is wrong, you’re just a broken person who needs love as well.” The answer is no decent father would do that!! So with us being evil know how to give good gifts to our children (in this case, protection), then why would God who is holy excuse and “love” someone who is causing serious harm to His children??! He wouldn’t. I’m tired of this false doctrine that pervades churches and the so-called Christian community.

  6. Looking from the outside in

    Thank you for this post, Lord knows I wished I would have known your truthful site while I was in the abusive marriage with a deceiving “Christian”. He used the Bible to literally justify ceaseless and multi-formed abuse not just to me, but I came to find out so many others. At that time I could not figure out how the church could wave a banner like the one you saw in the posting, and yet the abuser physically, spiritually, emotionally, etc. went after so many – his wives, his children, other children, his employees, his Sunday school attendees, etc. with no genuine remorse (sometimes showing off a fake remorse when he was in legal trouble). Now I know, what the church was brainwashing so many members with is not what the Lord is about, and that staying in that corrupt environment is equal to staying in a toxic and destructive cult! Now that I am out of that brick and mortar church body, it’s frightening to look around and see how many never leave – and worse – enable the evil-doers to have a free platform to justify their evil in, while hiding such banners as the one the person posted above.

  7. lg

    This is so true: “As long as I still held to these ideas (because that is what I was taught) I was unable to make any sense out of the Bible,” and was my experience as well. It was not until I understood that God hates the wicked, does not love everyone, there are in fact people who have no sense of empathy, guilt or remorse and whose father is the devil, and it is nonsensical to believe that a Hitler / psychopath / sociopath person can repent at all, let alone the final hour, and be shown mercy.

    God word clearly tells us he hardens / allows peoples hearts to be hardened; do not pray for these people; they are of their father, the devil, He hates them and His wrath will come upon them.

    When I recently mentioned the idea to a church friend that God does not love everyone and Jesus did not die on the cross for everyone, she was shocked. I told her God’s word clearly states he hates the wicked, and then she quoted NT verse on about God so loved “the world,”…” I then asked her if she thought the NT cancels out the OT and she said (who also has a PhD in NT theology from an ivy league school) it “the NT trumps the OT.” Which is seems to me like saying the same thing as the NT cancels the OT.

    The image of Christ on the cross came to mind with the two thieves on either side: on the surface the thieves theoretically committed the exact same sin, did identical wrongs, but they were in fact very different from each other: one was repentant and convicted of his guilt, while the other had no guilt or remorse for what he did.

    • R

      Re: John 3:16, all you have to do is read through to v. 21 to see that some are saved and others condemned. John 3:16 cannot mean that every single human is saved.

  8. monique

    God says early on in the Bible, Exodus 34:7, that He has ‘steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity, transgression and sins but who will by no means clear the guilty’ , this does not say that He loves and forgives everyone. God is just and righteous. He sees everything and He calls us to stand for truth, taking the narrow path. I pray for God’s strength and grace to not be lazy and selfish.

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