A Chief Reason that “friends” Betray Us

John 3:20 ESV  For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his works should be exposed.

Many if not most of you have had this experience. You saw it when you asked for help and rescue from an evil abuser. Friends, fellow church members, family members, turned on you and abandoned you.  Why?

Over the years I have observed a very common dynamic, and I have experienced it myself many times. Friends. Seemingly good friends. People whose friendship you enjoyed for even years. People you might have even called your best friend. But then suddenly – and I mean with all caps and boldface, SUDDENLY, virtually overnight, they rejected you and betrayed you. It was like some switch got thrown in their brain so that they didn’t even seem to be the person they were before.

But they were that person. It now simply becomes evident.

Here is what I conclude happens in so many of these cases. These people were not growing in Christ. They may well have not even been born again. And if you were pressing on, growing in your knowledge of and love for the Lord, you were growing day by day as light in the Lord. Your light, you might say (ie, Christ) grew brighter and brighter.

Now think about it. As this was happening in you, it was not happening in them. And at some point – it no doubt began in them imperceptibly – at some point the darkness in them started getting pretty uncomfortable. As John says in the verse above. darkness cannot tolerate the light. Light exposes the thing for what it really is.

So at that moment of departure, these people just couldn’t stand you anymore. They were done with you as if they had never known you at all.

Moral of the story? Anyone who is not truly growing in Christ, anyone whose profession of Christ is fake (like the seed that sprouts up right away but has no root), is not going to be a safe person to have a relationship with. If you cannot see a “friend” actually growing in the Lord (the counterfeit admittedly can be hard to detect), then beware. Because the moment will surely come when that one who you loved and who you thought loved you, will be done with you.

When this happens, though it is painful, be encouraged. It is a mark that you really are in Christ.

12 thoughts on “A Chief Reason that “friends” Betray Us

    1. Jeff Crippen

      That happens all the time. If they are abusers it is just another evil tactic. If not then inevitably they keep hanging around with your abuser. Either way Im done with them.

      Liked by 3 people

      1. Free

        Thank you. Again, you called it the way it happens. The more awful the abuse you lived through, the worse the “friends” are in the betrayal after. It can’t be any more blatant, the betrayals come in many forms but it’s still the same foundation- and it is not Christ. As with every evil scheme, they will inevitably smear you to cover up their betrayal and try turn it around on you. I never thought I would say it, but after the betrayals I quickly came to realize how much I don’t miss them. Sure, grieve what you thought you had, but not what is – be done, move on and don’t ever let someone diminish the very life you have been given. The betrayal can only go as far as you let it – if their alliance is with an abuser, whatever form that is, enough said.

        Liked by 3 people

  1. Innoscent

    Excellent post. Sadly so true.. I have a trail of “family” and “friends” who betrayed me, one of them a childhood friend. She came to Christ shortly after my own conversion and witnessing and we grew together in the Lord.
    At one point she was in danger with some temptation and I warned her in love, which she didn’t take it too well at the time. I think that the darkness came in then as she pushed the Holy Spirit away. I agree with you Jeff. From thereon she started compromising her faith and lowering down the standards. She wasn’t growing in Christ, decreasing rather.

    Forward a few years after being both married, etc., Satan worked through her husband, mine, and other close people to confuse her. She ended up betraying me and sacrifying our 40-year friendship. So much for a BFF… On the great day of reckoning it will be made clear who of us is really in Christ.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Anon

    Thank you, that was a very helpful post.

    I was wondering if you have any posts on why the abuser wants to stay friends? I am struggling financially due to health and am not currently able to work, have lack of housing etc. The abuser has come back into my life offering financial help (which I desperately need, especially since there was no marital settlement). Contact with him is the only way I get much needed financial help. But he is also being very kind, has for last couple months, rings me to see if I’m ok etc.
    I don’t know what to make of it.
    He doesn’t want to reconcile at all, he’s never mentioned that and I’m certain he doesn’t want to. He also lives a very far distance away.
    Any posts that talk about this sort of thing? I can’t see any motives he may have. Maybe he really does care and wants to help me?
    Thanks.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Jeff Crippen

      Nothing an abuser does has a good motive. It is always always about gaining power and control over you. I would say he is just playing the abuse cycle once again until the hammer drops. I am very sorry you are suffering. May the Lord bless you and give you courage and wisdom.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Anon – Just wanted to commend Pastor Crippen’s reply to you. “Nothing an abuser does has a good motive.”
    I am living this very thing. In my case and as I read your story, the abuser appears charming as financial and in some ways physical assistance is provided. I’ve been made to feel that the man I married can’t be that bad.
    As I have patiently waited out this situation more is coming to light as to how he has twisted ‘the past’ to make it look like just a ‘bad marriage’ and that any disagreement was seen as ‘me starting an argument on my part.’ In the past he told both Biblical and secular counselors that ‘I was not the problem.’
    Like Pastor Crippen tenderly warned. Be very careful. I pray you can secure a couple of trustworthy, wise friends who can deliver you from your abuser’s bondage.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. frankiesmith2064

    I experienced this in my single adults bible study. I got a double whammy—As a new Christian I was betrayed by my Christian best friend who sided against me and teamed up with my abuser the top volunteer youth minister.

    It worked for the abuser because it fit perfectly into the isolation phase of domestic violence. He isolated me from any support which allowed him to abuse me in private.

    He could keep the mask of a godly man while being a demon in private. Who could I tell about the abuse? No one would believe me. The abuser undermined my credibility. He poisoned others against me.

    The friend supported the abuser. She presented a fake Christian facade and mirrored me to gain my trust. When it came down to it she was not who she claimed to be.

    Abusers love to rally others against their victims. When your in a singles ministries group with wolves in sheep’s clothing you get burned. That’s why I don’t go to church. COVID has been a blessing.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. frankiesmith2064 – Feeling so badly for you. You’ll probably keep getting invitations to come to the ‘singles group’ when they decide to meet. I had to abandon traditional church gatherings several years ago. I don’t blame you at all for feeling more at peace away from the wolves. ((hugs)) and prayers.

    Liked by 1 person

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