Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church

The Wicked Recruit False Witnesses Against the Righteous

Matthew 26:59-61  Now the chief priests and the whole council were seeking false testimony against Jesus that they might put him to death,  (60)  but they found none, though many false witnesses came forward. At last two came forward  (61)  and said, “This man said, ‘I am able to destroy the temple of God, and to rebuild it in three days.’”

As we continue to grow wiser and wiser regarding the motives and tactics of evil, we become better able to spot Scriptures which reveal these things to us. Here is still another such passage. Wicked people, and that includes domestic abusers and others who crave power and control, frequently use this weapon of false witnesses.
Here we have the Jewish leaders who hated Jesus with a murderous hatred, craving to find some reason to kill him. They were having a hard time doing so and therefore they chose to invent charges by looking for people who were willing to falsely accuse Jesus. What motivated false witnesses? Probably bribes. More Judas money. Many people stepped up for the cash, but their accusations didn’t hold up. How many times have we seen these very same scenes in our own day!

Ultimately two witnesses step up and accuse Jesus of saying something that He really did say – this business of destorying the temple. But notice that they took His words and gave them a completely different meaning than Jesus had spoken them in. We need to beware of this tactic if we are going to be wise about evil. Wicked ones will falsely accuse us of saying something, but they will warp and twist our words in assign them a meaning which we never gave them.

  • She said she was going to take the children away from me….(“if you ever threaten to harm the children again, I will take them away from you”)
  • She said she would never go to marriage counseling…(“you always use my words spoken in the counseling sessions against me. I am not going to any more counseling with you).

If we are going to help victims of abusers or sociopaths or psychopaths, we have to be wise to this very common tactic. We must be wary of false witnesses being used as the abuser’s allies in the evil attempt to make false allegations against the innocent.

Daniel 6:4-5  Then the high officials and the satraps sought to find a ground for complaint against Daniel with regard to the kingdom, but they could find no ground for complaint or any fault, because he was faithful, and no error or fault was found in him.  (5)  Then these men said, “We shall not find any ground for complaint against this Daniel unless we find it in connection with the law of his God.”



**My experience with abuser-enabling misogyny in the church


**Most of You Have Seen Letters Like this


  1. Debby Seguin

    You have to be so mentally alert to catch these subtle changes and after living with abuse, being mentally alert isn’t at its best. Once you become aware, though, it’s fairly easy to spot and then you see it everywhere. You are always so spot on

  2. I Woke Up

    I’m so glad you’re bringing all of these issues to light. From my experience and a friend’s, going to a “counselor” that your church pays or “requires” you to see in order to have the pastor’s and/or the session’s or diaconate’s blessing is a red flag and you should RUN in the opposite direction. They are at best ignorant of abusers’ tactics. At worst, they are all in cahoots against the woman. Their main goal for YOUR life is to save the marriage at all costs. Your well-being and your children’s well-being are not a priority. Your words and actions can and will be used against you. Idolatrous worship of vows tops the priority list in an attempt to keep control of the church and its members. Believe me, I lived this nightmare!!!

  3. Innoscent

    Thank you Jeff for this post, pointing out the tactic of perversion of witnesses. It’s typical of Satan’s arsenal. Abusers know that they can find a way around, a loop in the system, using the tactic of omission, like of the whole context of what was said, or truly happened.
    It reminds me of poor innocent Naboth who died by stoning because of two false witnessess recruited by perverse Jezebel, wife of Ahab, king of Israel who coveted his vineyard. (1 Kings 21). The appalling part in this story is that the accomplices were “the elders and the nobles” of the city. Same today… 🙁

  4. SweetHonesty7

    I agree with “I Woke Up”; counseling sessions are dangerous for the abuser’s *victim.*
    At some point in time either the abuser or the counselor will request to talk one on one with one another. The abuser will most likely be scene in the counselor’s eyes as ‘the victim’ from there on out and the actual victim will pressured and vilified by the counselor. The victim will never discover what was *actually* said during that time, because the counselor will site “client/counselor privilege.” Now that counselor can be one of the abuser’s (false) witnesses against you in court; a Judge would have no reason to believe that a “professional” would lie in court. Dear Victims, Do *Not* go to counseling with your abuser; if you are, please stop.
    Mine tried to using our *children* amongst many others. He would say things about me in a manner that to make it appear that I absolutely said or did something wrong. I thank God for my older child who boldly declared right to the abuser’s face that I absolutely did NOT say or do those things.
    One of his favorite false witness clan were the men he was pals with at church. I had not attended church for some time–I was literally fighting for my physical life at home, while he *lied* about me to all those people. They never asked *me* if any of it was true. I have not been able to step foot inside any church to this day, because of the pastor, men, and women who wagged an accusatory finger at me with their hearts, while along enabling a monster.

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