Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church

More Thoughts on the Error of Dealing With Evil by Appeasement

Isa 1:16-17  Wash yourselves; make yourselves clean; remove the evil of your deeds from before my eyes; cease to do evil,  (17)  learn to do good; seek justice, correct oppression; bring justice to the fatherless, plead the widow’s cause.

Evildoers target the defenseless. They look for the weak and helpless. This is why the Lord commands us to bring justice to the fatherless and to plead the widow’s cause – because they are the ones typically targeted by the wicked.
It has always been true and it is true in our day. Think for example of the kinds of targets these demonic mass shooters select: schools, churches, and other places where there are lots of people who are unarmed or in some way unable to defend themselves against the attacker.
Churches are often and even typically blind to the real nature and existence of evil. That sounds like an incredible statement, but it is true and if you have been the target of a domestic abuser for instance, you found this out very quickly when you went to your pastor for help. Myths and fictions are fabricated in the pulpit and in the literature and the people are convinced that these things are “Bible truth.”
We are told and we like to tell ourselves that if we just “love” the evil man enough, if we willingly suffer under his assaults as sacrificial victims, if we issue him adequate hugs, he will put down his gun, fall to his knees in prayer, and believe in Jesus. That is the very thing that domestic abuse victims are so often told by their churches and if they refuse, they are marked as unfaithful Christians and put out of the church. It’s true. I am not overstating the case. These things are examples of the failed policy of appeasement. Just give the devil what he wants and he will leave you alone.

We must show evildoers who creep in among us in the church that we are NOT defenseless. That we are not fools. That we are indeed people of action as Christ has called us to be. We WILL expose the evildoer as an evildoer. We WILL not sit by passively and just “take it.” We WILL actively protect the victim by believing her, providing for her, putting the wicked man out from among us, and reporting him to the police.
Understand? Christ came into this world to go to the cross as the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world. He did so as a sheep to the slaughter, not uttering a word. But that redemption is accomplished. His blood has made atonement. WE are not to present ourselves to Satan and his servants as sheep to be slaughtered. We are to use the means Christ has given us to protect the oppressed. We are not going to allow some evil man to rush in and kill his victim while we do nothing.
And the wicked need to know that we are not going to sit by passively, giving him what he supposedly wants, crossing our fingers in the hope that he will stop being so nasty. As we quoted in the previous article, the best way to have peace is to prepare for war. 


Churches are Practicing a Policy of Appeasement with Evil – It Has Never Worked


He Doesn't Think Like You – A Very Important Truth to Get Hold of


  1. Straight Arrow

    “The best way to have peace is to prepare for war.”
    That is an unfortunate reality but important to acknowledge when dealing with toxic communities, religious or otherwise.
    I appreciated the post when you outlined how the abuser’s harem attacks everything down to your favorite color to undermine your self-worth. It is staggering at first to come to terms with the fact that people, particularly those who claim to serve Jesus, could be so malevolent. However, accepting the truth of who people show themselves to be rather that who you hope they are is a sobering and important step on the journey to healing.
    Thank you for sharing!
    Justice Always
    …Never Again

  2. no one down here

    Be sober minded and vigilant… the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking who to devour (1 Peter 5)
    put on the whole armor of God, for we wrestle not against flesh and blood… (Ephesians 6)
    resist the devil and he will flee (James 4)
    He teaches my hands to war, gives me a shield… I have pursued my enemies and overtaken them; I have wounded them; they are fallen (Psalm 18)
    But, the really important thing is that we do not fight in our own strength. God actually fights for us. It is God who avenges and delivers (also Psalm 18)
    Personally, I feel that Psalm 18 is a perfect picture of what happens. Defenseless and helpless, weak and small, without hope… we cry to Jehovah…. He comes down with fire. HE does it. Jehovah God comes to our defense. Yes, he teaches our hands to war and gives us the tools of war (prayer, faith, His Word…), but without Him, there is no fighting the evil. God accomplishes this thing.

    • SweetHonesty

      I believe the “tools of war” have to be accompanied by action, because faith without works is dead. There’s a dear person I’ve come to know, who even though warned about what she is dealing with (an evil man that disguised as a Christian and married her) has almost up until VERY recently only used the approach she will pray. She is now facing legal matters on 3 fronts and possibly losing all her children. Not because she has done anything wrong, it’s due to the ugly, untrue, and devious actions of her so called “Christian” husband. His mommy and daddy are helping him in this matter too. EVIL.

      • Jeff Crippen

        True words SweetHonesty

      • no one down here

        Oh dear. Sweet Honesty….. I don’t at all believe that a person should just sit and pray. I am so very sorry for your friend. The evil is real, and it is disguised as Christians who marry people who had no idea such an evil existed. This is my story. At this time, I can’t tell the things that happened/are happening.
        Actions are indeed required to confront the wickedness. God does not call us to be silent watchers [a.k.a. participants] in evildoing. I am also very aware that actions alone accomplish little, if anything. Jehovah God is the ultimate bringer of justice. I am so aware of His working in my life and making miraculous things happen. Nobody’s story is the same, of course. God does not work the same in my life that he does in yours or your friend’s. The end of my story is not known to me, either. There is still plenty of evil happening. I am in a battle for my children. One is already lost to me as far as I can tell. I’m also in a battle for basic fairness. Not for nothing does 1 Corinthians 5 list “greed” as being one of the sins that indicate a [fake christian] person should be cast out of the church.

  3. Mhiggins

    “Keep praying, God hears your prayers”. “You two just need to show more love to each other “. And my all time favorite, “you two need to go home and make a baby “. There were so many others, such as God hates divorce, and continue to be faithful and you will be rewarded, or you’re not being forgiving as God forgives you, you’re holding onto bitterness.
    I’m so thankful that I have you guys. I read each message and every post and it helps so much

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