I am just going to let the Bible speak here. The point is quite obvious. Consider what is going to happen to all these churches and church leaders and “biblical” counselors who fail to help abuse victims and in fact add to their oppression? Here is the answer:
Mat 25:31-46 “When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, then he will sit on his glorious throne. (32) Before him will be gathered all the nations, and he will separate people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. (33) And he will place the sheep on his right, but the goats on the left. (34) Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world.
(35) For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, (36) I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.’
(37) Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? (38) And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? (39) And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ (40) And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’
(41) “Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. (42) For I was hungry and you gave me no food, I was thirsty and you gave me no drink, (43) I was a stranger and you did not welcome me, naked and you did not clothe me, sick and in prison and you did not visit me.’
(44) Then they also will answer, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not minister to you?’ (45) Then he will answer them, saying, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me.’ (46) And these will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life.”
For I told you the truth about my abuser [husband, parent, sibling, etc.], and you did not believe me; I was bruised emotionally, and you said I was oversensitive; I was beaten, and you did not approve of me calling the police; I was being murdered every day, and you did not rescue me; I was in danger, and you did not take me to a safe shelter; I lost my health, my job/business, and you did not provide for me. I biblically proved my abuser wrong, but you downplayed it all by twisting the Scriptures; I needed witnesses and support in court, and you did not show up; I waited for my abuser to be disciplined and excommunicated, and you kicked me out of my church; I eagerly waited for your empathy and Christian love, and you betrayed me;
That was exactly my experience. I finally left my husband so my daughter would know it’s not acceptable to be treated that way & my two older boys, not acceptable to treat a lady that way. My older son and youngest daughter have nothing to do with him.
My middle son stayed in touch and has become just like him. Found out he was abusing his sweet Christian girlfriend of 2 years (while in law school). She called me one night and I told her to leave him and don’t look back. Told my son not to come to Christmas but to spend it with his father and that side of the family. My older son took his side and I have not talked to either of them since. My daughter and her friend came to spend a few days at Christmas
Sweet GF came and spent the night with me & my new loving husband after Christmas. We comforted her and I shared with her my experience and encouraged her that she was not wrong. Gather &son have borderline. Anyway. We protected her above my son. And it hurts me, but he is so messed up. And he doesn’t respect me anyway. It’s just sad. And I went thru hell trying to stay married and do what I thought was right. Then I divorced and decided to be broke and not remarry but provide a safe environment. Enough said. I have lost my son/sons. They are not believers. They are messed up like their father. Makes me so sad.
Mary. Thank you. You are very brave. And wise.
Mary your situation reminds me of my own and I’m heartbroken right along with you. My younger son is *highly* influenced by abuser ex, because his father has bailed him out of so much wrong doing. I cannot even give my younger son my phone number, because he might give it to his father. We have not had a holiday together in 4 years.
My older son has been very good to me. Sadly he stopped attending church, because the one we attended did not help me and coddled my abuser. At his core I still see a love that only Jesus would have for others, but he has made some bad relationship choices along the way. He seems to have outgrown that, but I worry he will wind up marrying someone who is not a Christian.
My younger is “religious” just like his father, but he lacks true love. Told me I was never abused, etc…verbatim sentences his father said to me over the years. He’s barely done with college and I learned through my other son he already wants to get married. He’s impulsive and thinks God will just provide no matter what. $80,000. of school debt isn’t something you just think God’s going to rain money down on you and it gets paid. I also stayed married for a very long time thinking at least my kids wouldn’t wind up living in the slums with a broke single mother.
It’s beautiful how you comforted and loved that young woman and I understand the pain you feel not having your boys in your life. I will pray for them as I pray for my own.
I thought I’d share this. We had a visiting pastor a few Sundays back. He related a bit about the change worked in Him since coming to the Lord. He said in the early days of his marriage his wife said to him, “If you ever begin to treat me the way you now treat your mother…it’s over.” Based on that comment, the pastor had to do some soul searching. He realized that he was talking to and treating his mother the SAME WAY he had seen his father treat his mother! Needless to say, he made an about face. My own Christian son sometimes behaves towards me in ways that are similar to how his father treated me, but to a much lesser degree. That said, he has room for improvement and I have shared this story and insight with him as well. I’m so thankful for pastors who genuinely share their own stories of how God has changed them!