Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church

The Satanic Nature of the Abuser's Mockery

Bearing shame and scoffing rude,
In my place condemned He stood;
Sealed my pardon with His blood.
Hallelujah! What a Savior!
Hebrews 11:36, “Others suffered mocking and flogging, and even chains and imprisonment.”
Mark 15:20, “And when they had mocked him, they stripped him of the purple cloak and put his own clothes on him. And they led him out to crucify him.”

Abusers use disdain and dismissiveness as a weapon designed to de-humanize their victim.  This article addresses a very similar tactic, and yet it is not quite the same thing.  While disdain can be very passive (no response, a roll of the eyes, a short verbal put-down), mockery is much more active.  It also targets the victim’s personhood, but more overtly.
What does it feel lie to be mocked?  Ridiculed?  To be told you are a fool.  To be scornfully laughed at and treated with derision?  It is extremely painful and very, very damaging if believed.  The Apostle Paul spoke of it –

1 Corinthians 4:9-13, “For I think that God has exhibited us apostles as last of all, like men sentenced to death, because we have become a spectacle to the world, to angels, and to men. (10) We are fools for Christ’s sake, but you are wise in Christ. We are weak, but you are strong. You are held in honor, but we in disrepute. (11) To the present hour we hunger and thirst, we are poorly dressed and buffeted and homeless, (12) and we labor, working with our own hands. When reviled, we bless; when persecuted, we endure; (13) when slandered, we entreat. We have become, and are still, like the scum of the world, the refuse of all things.”

All the prophets of God were mocked.  Here is an example that Isaiah experienced –

Isaiah 28:9-10, “To whom will he teach knowledge, and to whom will he explain the message? Those who are weaned from the milk, those taken from the breast? (10) For it is precept upon precept, precept upon precept, line upon line, line upon line, here a little, there a little.”

Isaiah’s mockers spoke jibberish, making fun of the words of the Lord spoken by Isaiah — as if to call them nonsense and baby talk.  You can hear their devilish laughter.
And speaking of devilish laughter, we come to the main point.  Mockery is Satanic. Especially in the hands of the abuser.  Satan is a mocker.  Many, many times as enemies of God came against the people of God, they evidenced this demonic quality of mockery.  Isaiah admonishes this spirit in Sennacherib when his armies came against Jerusalem:

Isaiah 37:21-24, “Then Isaiah the son of Amoz sent to Hezekiah, saying, “Thus says the LORD, the God of Israel: Because you have prayed to me concerning Sennacherib king of Assyria, (22) this is the word that the LORD has spoken concerning him: “‘She despises you, she scorns you– the virgin daughter of Zion; she wags her head behind you– the daughter of Jerusalem. (23) “‘Whom have you mocked and reviled? Against whom have you raised your voice and lifted your eyes to the heights? Against the Holy One of Israel! (24) By your servants you have mocked the Lord, and you have said, With my many chariots I have gone up the heights of the mountains, to the far recesses of Lebanon, to cut down its tallest cedars, its choicest cypresses, to come to its remotest height, its most fruitful forest.”

And think of Goliath:

1 Samuel 17:41-44, “And the Philistine moved forward and came near to David, with his shield-bearer in front of him. (42) And when the Philistine looked and saw David, he disdained him, for he was but a youth, ruddy and handsome in appearance. (43) And the Philistine said to David, “Am I a dog, that you come to me with sticks?” And the Philistine cursed David by his gods. (44) The Philistine said to David, “Come to me, and I will give your flesh to the birds of the air and to the beasts of the field.””

Perhaps the event in all of biblical history that saw the greatest concentration of mockers was The Cross:

Matthew 27:27-31, “Then the soldiers of the governor took Jesus into the governor’s headquarters, and they gathered the whole battalion before him. (28) And they stripped him and put a scarlet robe on him, (29) and twisting together a crown of thorns, they put it on his head and put a reed in his right hand. And kneeling before him, they mocked him, saying, “Hail, King of the Jews!” (30) And they spit on him and took the reed and struck him on the head. (31) And when they had mocked him, they stripped him of the robe and put his own clothes on him and led him away to crucify him.”

Enemies of the Lord are representatives of The Enemy of Christ, the devil.  Satan is a mocker. Mockery is one of his favorite and most effective weapons, and therefore we as the people of Christ need to be very, very wise to this tactic.  And if you are the victim/target of an abuser, you already know mockery quite well.  Abusers mock-

  • Your appearance
  • Your accomplishments
  • Your interests
  • Your family
  • Your church
  • Your ideas
  • Your habits
  • Your decisions
  • The route you choose to drive to the store
  • The pets you like
  • The new glasses you wear
  • Your hairstyle, makeup, and wardrobe
  • Your friends
  • Your gender
  • Your music
  • How and where you sit
  • Your body and sexuality

Abusers mock everything about you and everyone associated with you.  It is a wicked, soul and body destroying campaign designed to murder you as a human being and turn you into a malleable blob of putty, easily shaped and controlled.
And you can hear him.  You can hear the devil in the mocking words.  He has a certain tone.  Mockery is Satan smiling.  It is hatred grinning at you.  It is pure evil. Without conscience.  Without empathy.
So when the mocker comes your way, realize who he is and what he is doing.  Reject his ridicule with the truth of Christ.
“We know you, Satan.  We see you.  You are a murderer and a liar, the very father of lies.  We belong to Christ Jesus.  You have nothing in us.”

James 4:7, “Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”


When the Abuser is One of Your Children – Mothers, take Care


How to Create an Abusive Church


  1. no one down here

    This makes a lot of sense. I do believe that there was real evil in my home. Satanic, demonic… whatever you want to call it… so this makes a huge amount of sense to me. I don’t know why it’s hard for someone to believe you when you say there was demonic influence (at best).

  2. Change Agent

    Thank you for reminding those who are targeted by abusers that there is only one voice spoken over us that matters, God’s. This is what Jesus says about people’s opinions in Matthew 11:18-19
    18 John came neither eating nor drinking, and they say, ‘He has a demon.’
    19 The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, ‘Here is a glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners.’ But wisdom is proved right by her deeds.”
    Jesus suggests that people’s opinions do not count much. Being aware of Satan’s tools and methods of attack is crucial to maintaining the soundness of mind that God gives his children. Reject the hateful, slanderous lies and rehearse the Truth of God concerning your person and purpose.

  3. Amy

    Wow, this describes my abusive ex to a T!
    People would say to me that he was just a poor lost soul who didn’t know what he was doing.
    And sadly, for 20 years I believed that lie the church told me to keep me entrapped in an abusive marriage. I truly felt empathy for him while he felt none for his me and our two sons. My heart truly ached for his pain while he cared none about ours.
    He mocked me for every single thing he could — how I drove, spoke, cooked, how I cut my hair, washed the clothes and vacuumed the floor, and even how I breastfed our firstborn son right after his birth.
    My ex is truly an evil man with no conscience or empathy, who thrives on control and manipulation. And when he walked out 10 years ago and I found the courage to file for divorce, he continued his abuse by slandering my name, playing mind games with me, and trying to control things like the sale of our house. I even discovered last year that he had $60,000 I never knew about while he went around declaring to everyone how I’d ruined him financially and now all he could ever afford was a travel trailer to live in. My intuition at the time told me he was not so down and out, but I had no idea about the money he truly had, yet he still played the ‘poor me’ card. And the most evil thing of all, was our oldest son was extremely sick with Lyme disease and his father continued insisting he was too poor to help out, while my husband and I have paid for my son’s treatment and doctor bills all these years.
    If that’s not evil, I don’t know what is.

  4. Stormy

    I do remember the wicked evil bullying from my abuser. He gathered allies against me ( other fake Christians in leadership) randomly criticized my family, my driving, my clothes, my looks, my interests, my goals, my talent etc.
    He told me it was stupid to get an advanced Degree (which I now have). Would pick fights over stupid things (like which show was a repeat on television) that he would escalate – even going so far as threatening to punch me in the face.
    To keep me confused and off balance he would be helpful in ways that would benefit him and make him look good to others and feel better about himself. Just enough kindness to confuse me and keep me trapped. It was a living hell.

    • Amy

      Yes, it is a living hell. So thankful for how God rescues His children and leads them to an abundant life after abuse. <3

      • Z

        Hi Amy and Stormy and other victim/survivors,
        I too know the living hell of abuse by what I KNOW are satanic people-“professing christians” who are actually agents of satan.
        Satan’s aim is to steal, kill and destroy and he gets the right people-those with no consciences and living in utter, depraved darkness while professing to be and deceiving others that they are people of the “Light”-to do just that. Steal our “hopes for” simple, normal lives, kill our hope of things ever changing for the better and destroying our mental and physical health from all we have endured.
        Also stolen are the people we thought we could rely upon to be our support against the abuse when we disclosed it and stood up against it. “Christian” people we’d never expect to turn their backs on us do just that. Even people whose jobs or “callings” entail helping and supporting victims of abuse fail us. I think that hurts as much as or more sometimes than the actual abuse. We became used to the abusive life we endured. It was expected. But we didn’t expect the gut-wrenching sucker punches of betrayals, abandonments, silences, disinterest, enabling, covering up for abusers…A whole new level of hurts to absorb.
        I sincerely hope you have found the abundant life after abuse that God promises. I still believe, trust Him and have hope that it will come for me. It hasn’t yet.

  5. Change Agent

    I can relate to all of the above and add the abuse of relatives who join in the slander and harassment. Toxic people, communities and cultures are unfortunately supportive of abuse and target peacekeepers. They do not understand peace and only think in terms of domination and subjugation. Healthy people recognize their hateful manipulations for what they are and stand firm with the intent of creating safe space. Speak up and speak out against all forms of abusers and all forms of abuse.

    • Z

      Change Agent,
      The Psalmist summed it up best in Psalm 120:7-“I was for peace, but when I spoke, they were for war.”
      And yes, included in the list of “christian” people who betray, slander, abandon, abuse-by-proxy, character assassinated with lies and smear campaigns, remain silent or “neutral” in complicity with known abusers…all satan’s minions serving the abuser instead of God’s commands…ARE family and relatives who well know our integrity, truthfulness and hearts for peace all our lives and all their lives. We are for peace but they were for war. The truth, righteousness and justice count for nothing. Demonic forces are able to get ahold of them all too easily to join in the targeting of the victims who expose and say “no” to abuse. It’s been that way all my life-since I spoke out about my abuse as a child that continued into adulthood by my parents first and then my whole family.
      No surprise. It’s been that way for thousands of years according to Psalm 120:7.
      Come quickly, Lord Jesus!

  6. Change Agent

    Thank you Z for citing the verse I alluded to in my comment. When targets boldly resist abuse and compassionately gather together for strength change happens.

  7. IrisJane

    This post is so timely. Just this past week, being very ill and tired, I finally broke and couldn’t take the continual mocking (disguised as joking) from one abuser, and the continual, non-sensical interrogation (disguised as concern) from the other. I live with both and it’s an ongoing daily battle to keep from becoming defensive and frustrated, which is I believe is every abusers whole point of provoking us…they love it, and eat it up when they finally wear you down.
    I didn’t explode, but I responded with definite frustration, and their responses showed their true intent, each was so very giddy afterwards. Mind you, this happened on the same day, each a separate incident, unbeknownst to the other, and they were both giddy afterwards, with no concern for my well being, no checking on me later, no apologies, no nothing, just pure joy in finally getting a reaction from me…it felt very demonic.
    And they haven’t stopped, this happened mid-week and the ‘jokes’ and ‘questions’ just keep coming. The joker hesitated yesterday before one jest, but couldn’t stop himself and continued with it…they know exactly what they are doing, exactly! but now so do I, and I’ve recommitted to grey-rocking to the best of my ability, illness or no illness, tiredness or no tiredness, they showed their hands this past week and so be it. Such evil.

  8. Anonymous

    Timely read for me. A *discussion* with my husband yesterday morning left me wondering if I was crazy.
    (Editor’s note: details edited for safety. Details clearly reveal how the abuser husband was mocking, gaslighting, and playing mind games all while pretending to be an upstanding christian.)
    … And so it went on. I came away thinking that yep, maybe it is all me. And then I read this today about mocking and once I am brought to the place of saying, “I recognize you, Satan, and I’m not receiving your lies.”

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