Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church

The Double Standard of Evil

Rom 2:1-3  Therefore you have no excuse, O man, every one of you who judges. For in passing judgment on another you condemn yourself, because you, the judge, practice the very same things.  (2)  We know that the judgment of God rightly falls on those who practice such things.  (3)  Do you suppose, O man—you who judge those who practice such things and yet do them yourself—that you will escape the judgment of God?

If you have had your eyes opened to the nature and tactics of evil such as that seen in domestic abusers, you know that an almost universal characteristic of these children of the devil is the double standard. That is exactly what the Apostle Paul is confronting enemies of the gospel with in this passage. They condemn others but practice the very same things themselves.

We also see the double standard in professing Christians and pastors who add to the oppression of abuse victims. For instance, pastors often tell victims that they must remain in the abuse and by doing so they are “suffering for Christ.”  Their reward, these false prophets tell them, will be great in heaven. BUT, do you imagine for a second that such people would actually suffer such things themselves? Of course not. Just look at them in action when someone even mildly criticizes them. The double standard you see. What is good for you is bad for them.
Abusers are revilers. They villify their target. They accuse and guilt and shame. Scripture says that revilers are headed for hell:

1Co 6:9-10  Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality,  (10)  nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.

Revilers always revile people for things that they themselves do. Often this is because they somehow project their evil onto others. The supposed saintly pillar of the church rails against pornography and accuses others of it because he himself is immersed in it. But somehow in his thinking what he does is ok.
A double standard is certainly an identifying mark of an abuser. Those who are wise to evil will recognize it for what it is and refuse to wear its guilt.


Why Aren't Pastors and Churches Discerning Evil?


Watch out for Perversions of 1 Corinthians 13


  1. MapleRose

    How true this is! I can easily see my ex’s double standards as evidence of them is ongoing, but had not thought about my ex-pastor’s double standards. He made it clear that if my ex came back to the church I should accept that. My concerns (and I had told him about the emotional abuse) were just a weakness that I needed to overcome. But when he had concerns about someone in the church, that person was out, myself included when my ex did come back. So when someone sins against me I’m supposed to work it out or tough it out, but when someone sins against the pastor, that person is no longer allowed in the his presence or the church, and not only that, was often talked about to others (which I know from personal experience) and from the pulpit.

    • Jeff Crippen

      Yep. They love to tell others to grin and bear it but they won’t do so themselves. They love to place heavy burdens on others but that’s only for others.

  2. heatherjo86

    This is very similar to the Pharisees and Sadducees in Jesus day (Matthew 23:23-28). Jesus promised to lighten our load but certain people weigh it down with their hypocrisy. Soon these ones will be judged. We just have to make sure we are living truthfully so as to be considered a sheep and not a goat in the last day.

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