The Association of Certified Biblical Counselors (ACBC) is at it Again

I received an email today from ACBC announcing a broadcast called “Help for Single Women Longing for Marriage.” To get an idea what the content of that session is, all you need do is skim an article they included with the advertisement. It was written by Amber Komatsu (I have no idea who she is) and is entitled “Gender Roles and the Single Woman.”

One of the worst dangers of this kind of thing is that it sounds sooooo “biblical,” right? But I can tell you that this stuff does not play out well. In practice, what this gal is saying, and which the ACBC endorses and teaches, is sheer patriarchy that wicked abusers are going to jump right on and use against their victims.

Here is an excerpt from the article – Triggered warning.  Now, I know my criticisms here are going to cause me to be charged with being some “liberal unbeliever” who doesn’t believe God’s Word. Well, I do believe God’s Word. I believe the Bible is the inerrant, inspired Word of God. What I don’t believe is the distortions of God’s truth that are packaged up so often just like this. Tell me what you think of what she is saying:

June 14, 2016

Gender Roles and the Single Woman

So tell me what you think of the following:

Fully Woman, Married or Single

As I lived year after year as a single woman, and saw many of my friends marry and have children, I began to feel as if I was missing out on spiritual growth and being complete as a woman. I felt that when the Bible spoke to women, it spoke primarily to women who played for “team marriage.” I wasn’t on the field just yet. My purpose in the Kingdom felt blurry. As I began to think through and understand Scripture, several truths became clear to me.

The single woman can practice being a helper in many different areas (Genesis 2:18) In Genesis 2, God created woman to be a helper to the man. This, of course, is in the context of being a helper fit for a husband. The single woman does not serve any one man, but she is still able to cultivate a heart that helps and serves. Sarah, a dear friend of mine, lives her life serving and helping her local church, families in her church, her boss at work, and her friends and family. In fact, whenever Sarah’s name is spoken by people who know her, it is always spoken with a smile and an acknowledgement that she excels in serving many.

The single woman can affirm and encourage male leadership (Genesis 2:15, I Cor. 14) Men should be leaders in the home and in the church. Single women have the chance to encourage this leadership by the way they interact with other men. Some practical ways to encourage male leadership are asking single brothers to lead in planning social gatherings, asking men who are present at meals to bless the meal, encouraging and thanking elders and deacons for their work in the church, and writing notes of encouragement to married couples and praising the Lord for the good leadership the husband is evidencing in his family.

The single woman can cultivate a posture of submission to her God-given authorities (I Cor. 14:34) A woman should cultivate a posture of submission in her singleness to her earthly authorities, whether her parents, a pastor, a boss, or anyone else in authority to her. A woman should do this for two reasons: First, Jesus commands it, and she’ll look more like Him in her obedience. This is valuable whether she is married at 21, at 71, or never. Second, when a single woman learns to submit to and honor authorities God has placed in her life, earthly marriage will simply be an easier transition than had she not.

20 thoughts on “The Association of Certified Biblical Counselors (ACBC) is at it Again

  1. Krikit

    Right off the bat, she has used a complete misinterpretation of Gen 3:16, that, little doubt, she got from a married male preacher/teacher. She then demonstrates she does not know or understand the Greek origin of “helper” as it pertains to the position of wife—Ezer Kenegdo. From there, honestly, I stopped listening, even though I continued to read.

    Liked by 4 people

        1. eagerlabassistants

          Honestly..her effed up thinking sounds no different than a whore being used by everyone..under the guise of righteousness and excuse. Women are for *use* by everyone…forget marriage and discernment.

          Liked by 1 person

  2. Debra

    Wow! This is scary stuff. It is the kind of belief system that endangers the lives of women married to abusive men and puts young girls as risk for molestation and rape. It is the kind of thinking that kept me enslaved to an abusive husband. Sometimes I find that other women are more resistant to any challenge to this kind of philosophy than are many men. Why is that? Is it because they can abandon full responsibility for themselves? Because that’s what this kind of thinking requires. It allows someone other than God to take over your life. I have much, much to say about the first three chapters of Genesis. For example, in chapter two, why the parade of animals? Adam was created outside of the Garden. Like the animals, he was made from dust, but God wanted him to know he was not like the animals. The very next thing God did was to create woman. Why? Adam’s response to the woman was that “she is bone of my bones.” This can be interpreted to mean, “she and I share the same nature or essence.” Look up the word bones in Strong’s concordance and you will find that it supports this interpretation. God created woman to assist men to see what God intends them to be. It is a woman’s calling, among other things, to hold men to a high standard. God gave her the power to do that. It is built into her. When the doctrine of headship-submission is embraced, it renders her powerless. The result is a sick society.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Maya

      I wholly agree! It is the same mindset that promotes bullying, stalking and harassment. It promotes questioning of God given identities and projection of distortion and perversion. Women should support each other not undermine one another. I had a woman spread a rumor that I was a homosexual because she did not like that I was divorced. Her hateful and delusional slander has provoked insane harassment and defamation of character. As a heterosexual woman I encourage other women to spend more time valuing the unique “treasure” God created in them. That will help us to spend less time tarnishing and devaluing God’s treasure in others. He calls us all his “peculiar (unique) treasures.”. We should act like treasures.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. GypsyAngel

    I find Amber Komatsu’s position to be dubious at best really. While I do agree with upholding the authority that is over you, I have qualms concerning the misogynistic message that I’m seeing lurking in between the lines.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Alison

    It kind of sounds like “Where is my boss? Will YOU be my boss?” This is the exact attitude that younger, earnest me had. And those who wanted someone to put down so they could lift themselves up took full advantage of it.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Jeff Crippen

      Yes, and it is often those who truly want to serve Christ who get sucked into this the most. They sincerely want to know what the Lord desires of them. And along come these kind of pastors and book-writers and these ACBC counselor types saying “I know what God wants from you. Let me teach you.”

      Liked by 4 people

  5. walkinginlight

    Pretty much sounds like the theology of the Amish. I decided a long time ago that the only one who “rules” over me is the Holy Spirit. I can trust the Lord with all my heart, which I can no longer do with any human. Jesus came to set the captives free and is the great bondage breaker. This writing from that woman sounds more like a yoke of slavery to me!


    Liked by 3 people

  6. zadok

    This is called ‘grooming’ and is defined as ‘setting the stage to support being abused without question or recourse’.

    Long time quiet reader who is almost 10 post escape of an abusive marriage that left me destitute and willing to die, or, rather, seeing death as my only option.

    Thank you for this resource.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Z

      Dear Zadok,
      I too am so glad you have found the truth and resources such as this blog about abusers and their tactics. Mostly, I’m so glad you have been set free from the physical and mental danger and wrong teachings that put you in such despair that you almost lost your will to live another day in bondage. My heart breaks for what you went through. Praise God, Jesus died to set us free from every chain, bondage, yoke of slavery…
      Galatians 5:1 – “It was FOR FREEDOM that Christ (DIED TO) SET US FREE.”
      I’m so glad you are now walking in the freedom that cost Jesus so much to give us.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Praying Lady

    My thoughts about Amber Komatsu’s view and writings about headship and submission: IT IS AN OPEN DOOR FOR MEN TO ABUSE WOMEN. So many “Christian” men use those verses to justify their abuse.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. IamMyBeloved’s

    Well, I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. This woman has been brainwashed on a multitude of levels. First, we are all called to have a servant’s heart, and not due to our gender, but due to Christ’s example. Secondly, as women, we serve Christ, not men or organizations or Churches etc. In all things, we serve Christ. Thirdly, and this one sickens me the most, she earnestly believes that she cannot be spiritually fit unless she is serving men and learning to submit to them. This woman seems to be in big trouble and will soon be leading other single women to enter the same trouble she has found. But what is absolutely no surprise to me, is that ACBC is the one doing the brainwashing and then supporting one of their newfound victims, to propagate this twistedness for them. I hate a false Gospel that leads others to put submission to men as a requirement to accepting the Gospel. It’s making marriage equivalent to salvation and making men to be their wives’ Jesus. It’s going to be a pretty scary day when all the patriarchy worshippers wake up and realize their lamps were burnt out and they have no oil. I have yet to find one of these ppl who can fully and rightly explain the Gospel in its fullness. In my opinion, they are Pharisees. Nothing wrong with rightful submission, but this is an abuse of power they don’t have any right to.

    Liked by 3 people

  9. Suzzie

    IamMybeloved’s – wow, such a great understanding! I hope to get there one day…I actually didn’t readily spot all the errors in the ACBC counseling concept. It’s just amazing how subtle a bad theology can creep in unawares. I’ve been so indoctrinated by this kind of thinking that it might be easy to fall prey all over again! Thanks!


  10. Starlight

    My personal experience with the ABCB: I had left my abusive minister-husband. He kept my children away from me. Recently, I found out that my son is getting married. I begged him to allow me to come. The major one of his conditions was that I go through extensive biblical counseling and it had to be one of that group. The closest ones I could find are a two hour drive from where I now live: One man and two women only. I had contacted one woman. She advertised herself as Dr. LIz. I contacted her, asking if she knew my parents and family. Yes, she does. She is close friends with some of them, but didn’t think that would be a problem when counseling me. For me it was, on more than one level, never mind ethically. Then I found out her title “doctor” was a doctor in Business Administration!. Because of my son’s assistance I contacted the only other female on the list. Turns out she is a close friend of my son’s, his age (24 years), and goes to the same church as my abuser. And my son didn’t see a problem with that. I wrote to the organization after that, mentioning the wrong impression Dr. Liz gives and also the lack of credentials displayed by the counselors they advertise. They are not responding. I have read through all their rules and mandates! They are a very dangerous group. They are playing with people’s lives. I have PTSD and was driven to suicide attempts by my abuser. Seeing one of their counselors would have driven me over the edge. I can only imagine how many people are seriously damaged by them. They shouldn’t be legal!

    Liked by 2 people

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