Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church

An Example of How an Abuser Ally tries to Creep in Among us+

Some time ago (before we started accepting comments at Light for Dark Times) I received the following note from a man I have never heard of. He was complaining because I did not allow comments. Essentially my reason was because I could not take on a double work load of comment moderation. Anyway, here is what he said. I have had numbers of these kinds of guys over the years send me very similar demands (and that is what this is, a demand). Why? You shall see in a moment:
I hope you realize that it also makes it appear as if you figure you have all the answers and don’t need or want input from your readers. I hope I’m wrong, but that’s just how it struck me.
Dialogue does far more for people than lecturing or preaching. You are missing a good bit of your opportunity. Get a volunteer to screen your comments. Then you don’t need to moderate them yourself. That will give you an opportunity for more teaching and also to clear up misunderstandings with your readers. How do I know? Because that’s part of my job description at a ministry I work for.
Now, guess what? A bit of research and here is what we find.  This guy who demands to be permitted to expound and enlighten all of us, said this in an article about marriage, divorce, and remarriage-
I feel that we are better off to take the ‘no remarriage’ position rather than take chances…  I feel that when we start opening doors for divorce and remarriage, we start down a slippery slope that has no end….I feel that for me to break my vows to my wife, even if she breaks her vows to me, would be wrong for me. That also is the position of most of the groups sponsoring this site and the church I am part of. I realize that this isn’t what you were hoping to hear from me, probably. But I think it is the only safe position.
So, what is his motive? He runs a website “ministry” at which he peddles his perversions of God’s Word, and he wants me to allow him to unload his wicked ideas here, right in the midst of readers who have been subject to evil, including the evil of domestic abuse and abuse in their churches. He wants to oppose what we say on this blog. He is like the enemies that dogged the Apostle Paul wherever he went, teaching a false gospel to enslave others and exalt himself. He wants to teach. He wants to be “first.” He is the kind who visits your church and then insists that he be allowed to teach the class or preach the sermon right away.

This business (sooo arrogant) of insisting that “lecturing or preaching” is an inferior method really reveals the wickedness of such people.

1Co 2:13-14 And we impart this in words not taught by human wisdom but taught by the Spirit, interpreting spiritual truths to those who are spiritual. (14) The natural person does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are folly to him, and he is not able to understand them because they are spiritually discerned.
1Co 15:1-2 Now I would remind you, brothers, of the gospel I preached to you, which you received, in which you stand, (2) and by which you are being saved, if you hold fast to the word I preached to you–unless you believed in vain.
In other words, creeps like this who creep in among us want to oppose the gospel, twist and pervert the Word of God, and they do so by pretending to be such wonderful “Christians.”

Needless to say, we do not yield for a moment to this kind. He will never be permitted to come in among us.


A Real Case of a Pastor Lording it Over an Abuse Victim


"How do I Avoid Getting Tied up With Another Abuser?" – A Common Question


  1. I can only imagine that the Holy Spirit started the alarms ringing (and your past experiences). Though, where I am at at the moment, I don’t think I could have decerned the intent of this man. But then I suppose that’s how they are able to masquerade among otherwise healthy congregations. On the surface, it looks like a perfectly innocent comment. However, I went back and read the excerpt after reading the whole blog piece, and I can see the”superiority” creeping in. Between the lines it says; “I’m an expert…listen to me.” That just shouts agenda. Yikes!

    • Jeff Crippen

      Yes. Over the years we have seen that trait repeatedly. Now when a visitor for example visits our church and the first time he is there he shoots up his hand in the SS class and starts expounding we all roll our eyes and are like “here is trouble.” As soon as these guys sense we aren’t impressed they never come back.

  2. walkinginlight

    This scripture immediately came to mind.
    as also in all his letters, speaking in them of these things, in which are some things hard to understand, which the untaught and unstable DISTORT, as they do also the rest of the scriptures, to their own destruction. 2 Peter 3:16
    This fellow thinks he knows what he speaks of regarding abuse but does not. Not only is he ignorant of the mindset of evil in abuse, he wants to claim being a wise counselor. If this man wants to pervert the word of God, he might want to take a good hard look at this scripture and climb down off of his high horse. Like I had mentioned the other day, these kinds of people want to be in the “limelight”!

  3. IamMyBeloved’s

    Well, to me he doesn’t know God’s design for marriage, nor does he know about abuse or maybe even the Gospel. Abuse victims don’t advocate for divorce for any reason. We advocate for setting the victim living in bondage to be set free. He advocates out a fear he has because he does not know God, for leaving Christians in oppression. He operates under the law and fear, not grace, mercy and truth.

  4. Grace

    Thank you. After I read your analysis of his comments, it seemed to me that the intent, the arrogance and manipulation in those comments came into sharp focus. I’ve seen a lot of discussions in groups and blogs where this sort of thing happens, and many responses to comments like his indicate that it’s working to fool well-meaning people.

  5. K.

    “I hope I’m wrong, but that’s just how it struck me.” – maybe it seems innocent but now that I’ve learned to spot covert manipulative tactics, this phrase is just such a classic example. That phrase alone is enough to raise a red flag for me saying ‘PAY ATTENTION – all may not be what it seems.

  6. Jessica

    They’re experts at passively/aggressively accusing, judging, and condemning…and of ‘humbly’ knowing what’s best for all, when in actuallity they know nothing, but their smooth superior tongue fools many into believing that they do. They are so covertly evil and sadly, they’re everywhere. May the Holy Spirit, through your ministry and the ministries of others fighting for the truth, continue to open the eyes of many to see who and what these charlatans really are. God Bless…and as always, thank you to you and your team for all that you’re doing to expose ‘them’.

    • Jeff Crippen

      Very true Jessica. It is hard to describe these snakes, but you have done a good job doing so here.

  7. Debby

    I’m “excited” that I clearly recognized his manipulative wording. Oily…

  8. Stormy

    I’m in the midst of abuse at work. The abuser bully is conjuring up things to criticize me for and is also joining in with her allies that includes the boss.
    Same garbage that happens in churches is going on at my work. I did stand up for myself as much as I could, but had to listen to my bosses unjust criticism that was actually the thoughts of the abusive jealous mean spirited co worker.
    Just got an excellent review from boss now the abuser is feeding her false accusations against me and boss is believing it. this is all so confusing!
    Please could you all pray for me please?

  9. cindy burrell

    Fortunately, I could see the man’s arrogance at once. Then to read his, “I have decided that no divorce or remarriage is the best course,” attitude says it all. His self-proclaimed expertise in marriage is all about power and control, not relationship or faith or truth or love. It is truly creepy to see how many of these types are in “ministry.”
    For this reason, we must test the spirits. Some are definitely not of God.

  10. Em

    “I feel…” three times in the above excerpt.
    “I realize…”
    “I think…”
    Who cares how this dissenter feels?
    Who cares how or what he thinks?
    And who cares what I think, for that matter?
    What anyone feels or thinks is only what they feel or think – it is not Scriptural truth.
    All that matters, throughout time and for all eternity, is what God says! God alone is the source of Truth.
    We know it’s all in the Bible, and it must be spiritually discerned through the guidance of the Holy Spirit – exactly as Pastor Crippen says.
    We each know this, but no false Christian knows this.
    Thank you Pastor Crippen, for making this issue so crystal clear!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *