1Co 5:1-2 It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and of a kind that is not tolerated even among pagans, for a man has his father’s wife. (2) And you are arrogant! Ought you not rather to mourn? Let him who has done this be removed from among you….1Co 5:6 Your boasting is not good. Do you not know that a little leaven leavens the whole lump?
Recently I was corresponding with an abuse victim whose church was commanding her to remain married to her abuser “because Jesus calls us to stay in suffering.” In the course of our conversation I told her that this church was going to welcome her abuser into the church and end up rejecting her. I am no prophet. Nor am I brilliant. It’s just that after seeing this very scenario unfold countless times it becomes a pretty safe bet to tell someone what to expect. Not too long later she wrote back and said “you called it. Yep. They invited him to be in church.”
Why is it then that churches and pastors and people who we thought were our friends end up allying with the wicked man (or wicked woman if the wife is the abuser)?
There are probably more reasons than one, but I can tell you the chief reason. Here it is:
Most churches and all abusers want the same thing. They want the victim to remain in the abuse.
Their reasons are a bit different, but they want the same thing and they work toward the same common goal. As it was in Corinth, so it is in churches today. Arrogance. The pastors and church members want the victim to remain married to the abuser so that the church can boast (to the glory of God of course) that they have “fixed” and “restored” the marriage. Halleluha, praise God, they shout. Abusers of course want the victim stuck in the marriage because they demand power and control over the victim. I suppose they kick out some Halleluha’s too. Maybe we need to coin a word for devilish halleluhas?
So perhaps I should add a third fundamental truth to the two I have already held to for quite some time now:
- Abusers never change
- A marriage to an abuser does not need to be fixed, it needs to be ended.
- and now – Your church and your abuser are on the same side. They are allies working toward a common goal. To keep you in the abuse.
Understand these 3 things and base your decisions upon them and you will make wise decisions and avoid all kinds of deceptions.