Gen 2:23-24 Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” (24) Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
One of the primary reasons churches are so filled with unbiblical teaching and man-made tradition parading as God’s Word is that those who are doing the teaching should not be teaching anyone. Wicked doctrine is promulgated by wicked teachers. And frankly, we have been having truckloads of evil teaching dumped on us in church for decades now.
One of these lies is that marriage is hard. You hear the mantra over and over. “Well, that is tough, but you know, marriage is hard. We are all sinners. You have to work at it.” Yada, yada.
Now, don’t misunderstand what I am saying. Sure, we all have some bumpy times in our marriages. I have said unkind things to my wife on occasion. She has …. actually I can’t think of anything she has done! But when we sin against one another, we genuinely repent and we don’t make such sin a habit. We love one another. We consider one another. But this is not what I am talking about when I say “marriage is not hard.”
When many pastors or professing Christians tell an abuse victim that “marriage is hard,” they mean something entirely different. They mean something like:
well, you promised to love this man as long as you both shall live, no matter what. And even though he is doing all the evil things you say he is, marriage is hard. You have to work at it. It is unpleasant, but we said we would ‘do it,’ and that is what God expects. It’s a lot like eating beets. They make you gag, but you have to eat your veggies.”
I have news for you. Marriage is not hard. Marriage as God intends it, as God gifted men and women with, is a very good thing. It is a blessing, not a curse. Even in this post-fall world.
So, let me tell you something else. If your marriage is a constant struggle, a characteristically miserable state of affairs, if you are living on eggshells moment by moment, then that is not normal! In fact, I will say that is not marriage. So don’t believe the lies about marriage being “hard.” If it is hard, it is because you are married to a hard-hearted person who is living only for himself. In other words, he lied when he said the vows.
Is it possible that there are some marriages that are “hard” or “troubled” because both husband and wife are being selfish consistently and characteristically. Yes. But even in such a case, the counseling mantra, “marriage is hard” is a lie. Marriage as given to us by the Lord as a blessing is not what is hard. Sinners are the ones who are hard. God did not create marriage as something that is to be an ongoing battle or a daily abuse of one spouse by the other. He created it as a wonderful union of a man and a woman to remedy aloneness.
Marriage is not hard. If yours is, then it is not a marriage. The abuser lied from the beginning.