Are You Relying on a RASN for Future Spousal Care?

I recently came across a podcast on Youtube entitled “Why Narcissists Do Not Like Sick People.” This is a subject I had not thought about much. I mean we know that RASNs (revilers, abusers, sociopaths, narcissists) have no empathy, but consider how this would play out when the RASN’s spouse or child becomes ill, especially ill for an extended period of time.

To the RASN, other people only exist as a source of the RASN’s “supply.” That is, the RASN uses others to feed his or her lust for self-glory and exaltation. A “trophy wife” for instance is simply that to the RASN – a trophy to be used for the provision of self praise. BUT what is going to happen when that wife becomes ill? Let’s say she is diagnosed with a serious, debilitating illness and is going to require extended care? You guessed it – she has outgrown her usefulness and has become an unwanted burden. Oh, in certain settings the RASN might put on a show of compassion to impress others how “lucky” the wife is to have such a “caring” husband. But that is just a show. It’s fake and lasts only as long as there is an audience to impress.

Now, one particular point this podcaster made was that rather often victims of RASNs will choose to stay with the RASN for years, and even more so as old age approaches. The thinking is, “who is going to care for me when I cannot care for myself?” But what we are forgetting is that RASNs are not people who care for or about others. Caring for someone who is ill requires care, not carelessness. It demands self-giving, not self-praising. It requires, in other words, love. But the RASN’s accounts come up empty in each of these qualities. They have nothing to give because they do not WANT to give. They are takers. Oh, if the RASN is the one who needs care, here comes the avalanche of demands. The old double standard comes into play once more.

So, these are certainly things to think about. If anyone is thinking that their abuser is “at least” going to provide care for them one day, just look at the past. Consider the history. Has your RASN ever truly provided care? Typically domestic abusers, for instance, refuse to provide even basic resources for their victim in obtaining health care. If your RASN doesn’t care now, why would we think he/she is going to care then? As has often been said, the best predictor of the future is the past.