And this is the judgment: the light has come into the world, and people loved the darkness rather than the light because their works were evil. For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his works should be exposed. (John 3:19-20)
RASNs (revilers, abusers, sociopaths, narcissists) are darkness. They belong to the kingdom of darkness and as such they hate exposure – they hate the light. They wear a disguise and can seem to be light, but behind the facade lurks a child of the devil. “You are of your father the devil,” as Jesus told His enemies.
In this case, the light which RASNs hate is truth. Specifically, truth about themselves and their evil doings. Truth about what God’s Word has to say about them. Everyone who does wicked things hates the light. What does this mean in our experience with them?
It means, for example, that people who are oppressed by RASNs, not just their targeted victims such as the spouse of a domestic abuser, but really everyone and anyone in the circle of the RASNs operations….is forbidden by the RASN from shining light upon the evildoer. In other words, forbidden to speak about who the RASN really is and what the RASN actually does. Forbidden. Verboten. In some ways, to expose the RASN is the crime of all crimes in the eyes of these evildoers. They hate the light lest their works be exposed.
This subject is close to me because I have experienced it repeatedly over the years. Not just in talking to victims of RASNs, but through being targeted myself by these kind. The typical, repeated line spoke through clenched teeth is – you talked about me!! The rage seethes and it flares up in a moment. There is no openness to discuss the truth of what was said. The only subject on the table is YOU! YOU talked about me! No humility. No self-examination. No “oh, wow. I didn’t realize…I’m sorry.” Nope. Those lines never enter the RASNs mind.
You see the same wicked dynamic everyday in the news. What is the typical experience, for instance, of a whistleblower who exposes corruption in the workplace? When corruption and crime has light shined upon it in government, do we see repentance and confession? Hardly. You see the seeking of revenge, the exercise of punishment. Why? Because you talked about me!!
This raging accusation “you talked about me” can be especially powerful in shaming and guilting the whistleblower. Why? Because we have been taught that gossip is a sin. That slander (telling lies about someone) is wrong. So, when we are accused by the RASN of gossiping or slandering them, our auto-response can often be one of guilt. Maybe we have done wrong. “Why didn’t you talk to me about this instead of announcing it to others?!!!” Of course the reason we didn’t talk to the RASN is because we have talked, or tried to talk, to them about their narcissism many times before. What was the result? Did they listen? Of course not. They blamed. They projected. You are the one at fault.
But being light (and often just being light without speaking a word) is enough to incite the rage. RASNs resent children of the Light, who is of course the Lord Jesus Christ. Long before the outbreak the RASN has been growing in his or her contempt for truth and anyone who is walking in the truth. The contempt starts to reveal itself in those smirky looks in the eyes and in that arrogant “Oh yes you are. Oh yes you did.”
[NOTE:The curious thing about these accusations leveled against the RASNs targets is that so often the target/victim cannot remember saying or doing what the RASN is accusing them of. Be on guard for this. If you are accused of “talking about” and yet you cannot recall doing so, that is a huge red flag that something is just not right here]
But even if you do remember exposing the RASN – most likely you did so privately to another person because the evil doings of the RASN had been weighing upon you for so long – don’t fall prey to the guilting and shaming and accusing. When “You talked about me!” is a missile launched against you by a RASN, be prepared to recognize it for what it is. It is darkness hating the light because its deeds are evil.
Susan Tramper
This helps me to understand what’s going on in some relationships. These are so painful! The temptation is to feel guilty of some wrongdoing only because someone is accusing or rejecting.
Beverly
Lived that completely, thank you.
Nita
Yessss! And sometimes, just sometimes, even if you say nothing at all, they hear something and blame you for talking, when you didn’t. I had that happen in the childhood home and it was this huge validation to my young faith that God saw and heard and honored my impression of the situation. Hard to describe, but i remember it well.