And this second thing you do. You cover the LORD’s altar with tears, with weeping and groaning because he no longer regards the offering or accepts it with favor from your hand. (Mal 2:13)
Revilers, abusers, sociopaths and narcissists (RASNs) never accept blame. It is always someone else’s fault. If you have had dealings with such a person you know this to be true. You did it. You failed. You, You, You. Never them. RASNs lack desire or ability for introspection. They are never wrong.
Some RASNs I have crossed paths with over the years were skilled at that “puppy-dog” look when confronted with their sin. That face says “poor me, just think about how cruelly you are treating me.” (I was going to insert a picture here of a puppy with that look, but I decided it would be cruel to illustrate a RASN with a puppy).
Just think about how wicked and cunning this tactic is. The RASN has just assaulted you with reviling words, exercised that classic evil double standard, falsely accused you of something in front of others…and now when he is confronted with his evil, that poor me affect sweeps onto his face and into the tone of his voice. Oh, how you have hurt the poor guy (or gal).
One such person I had to deal with as a pastor was a very mean-spirited, arrogant lady who threw a tantrum just before the church service began because she didn’t get her way. When I admonished her for her behavior the next day, here came the puppy-dog look. How could I be so mean to her? Oh, how I had hurt her. And others who were there (and who had witnessed her tantrum the day before) felt oh so, so sorry for her now. She then stormed out because, you know, I had hurt her so badly.
As you think about this tactic, you come to see just how wicked it is. The guilty party plays victim – and so many people fall for it! We all need to wise up to this business and call the RASN out when he or she attempts to use this weapon.
Sarah
It’s especially difficult when people fall for it even though they should know better.