Do you replay conversations and interactions in your mind? Normal people do this quite typically – “I wonder if they understood what I meant? Perhaps I could have been more clear.” Or “I’m not sure I really understood what they were trying to say.” Such replays are not only normal, they are often a good thing. We want to be understood and we want to understand. We want to reflect upon ourselves to be sure that we helped the other person or if we could have done better.

Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer. (Psalms 19:14)

But – there can be another reason for this replay that carries it to an unhealthy level. That reason is found in the actions of the RASN (reviler, abuser, sociopath, narcissist) against us. RASNs, by their words and actions, intend to erode our self-confidence. By their constant accusing, crazy-making, and other mixtures of their poisons, they can cause us to be excessively introspective and doubtful. This is why we so often find abuse victims saying “I’m sorry” when in reality they have nothing to apologize for.

Replaying conversations and interactions with others to this kind of morbid introspection is an indication that something has happened. If a person spends their days walking on eggshells, one of those eggshells is often going to be “I hope I didn’t upset him by what I said. Perhaps I should have worded things differently.”

When we are in regular contact with people who consistently assign the worst motives to us, replaying the conversations can become a kind of mental chain-reaction which the RASN sets off in our minds. He lights the fuse and kicks that first domino over then walks away, leaving us to our self-accusing thoughts.

I suspect that many of you have replayed the very same conversation over and over and over dozens, maybe even hundreds of times. You wake up in the morning and there is the video playing again in your mind. We get tired of watching even our favorite movie after, say, the tenth viewing – but these unhealthy replays set off by the RASN don’t just go away with the click of a remote.

Perhaps the first step in conquering this kind of thing is to recognize what is going on. When we replay and replay and replay an interaction or conversation, it is an indication that someone or something has instilled false guilt and self-doubt in us. True conviction does not do this. When we really have, for example, sinned with our words, our conscience functions to replay what we have done in order that we might see it, confess it, repent of it, and seek forgiveness from the Lord and the person we wronged. Case closed. Remote “off” button clicked. Tape erased. But that is all a different matter that this trauma-caused replaying.

Once we realize the origin of these damaging replays – once we realize they are the result of RASN tactics, then we can counter the lies with truth and be set free. And I would add one other point. FEAR is intimately involved in this evil business. RASNs, being of their father the devil, share in his nature and tactics. Satan holds people in bondage by fear. So think this through. Replaying conversations and interactions in a destructive way is something that is evidence of fear. So, we ask ourselves, “why am I doing this? What is it that I am afraid of?” Answering that question is a powerful antidote to the poison.