1John 2:26 I write these things to you about those who are trying to deceive you.
Truth is clarity. It is light, and it enables us to see clearly. But evil trades in the fog, in the darkness. Evil creates confusion. It wears a disguise to hide what it really is. And so things go when we are dealing with a RASN (reviler, abuser, sociopath, narcissist).
We all start out in life pretty naive. We assume people close to us love us and want the best for us. Even children of wicked parents begin by believing that mom and dad love them. The thought that in fact they do not doesn’t really cross their mind in the early stages. And sometimes those “early” stages continue for many, many years.
If you have had the unhappy experience of dealing with a RASN, let’s say – an abusive spouse for instance – then if you have come to more clarity about abusers, you can look back and spot “red flags.” Then, if you are like me, you beat yourself up for being so stupid as to not have seen those warnings. But we shouldn’t do this to ourselves. The culprit is the evil, not our stupidity.
Evil casts a fog like one of those Hollywood movie set fog maker machines. Because evil people trade in deceit and lies and disguises – wolves in wool – they create a fog of confusion. We have in our minds the positive notion of who they are so that even when they launch a missile against us, we don’t realize we are being fired upon. They didn’t mean it. They are my friend. We tell ourselves these things, make excuses for the RASN, and even defend them to others who witnessed the missile launch. “Oh, no, he/she loves me. They are really a good person. They just used bad judgment/were having a bad day/I pushed their button….”. And so it goes.
But later, often much, much later, after we awaken from our slumber of naivete, we look back and realize that in fact all of those “bad days” were really attacks on us. That the RASN meant those things for evil toward us. Really. They really did. And then the far-reaching implications start rolling out in our minds – this person is not the person I believed him to be. He/she doesn’t love me and never did. The RASN is motivated in everything they say and do by the demand for others to worship them. To serve them. To exalt their self-created idolatress image. The image is everything. Touch that image and you will be punished.
These realities are not pleasant to face. I suppose this is one reason why we go so long living in a blind denial. I mean, who wants to admit that this person who has been your “friend” or spouse or family member – only hates and uses you? And yet, as our Lord said, it is the truth that sets us free. It clears away the fog and enables us to see rightly.
Wendy Hilton
I stayed for 17 years. After years of searching for answers and finally learning about narcissism, I was able to see and understand what was going on. The many years of confusion and pain finally made sense. The lying, gaslighting, projection, being the victim, etc….I remember vividly the absolute grief ( like grieving a death) I felt when I realized for the first time I was never truly loved by this person. It wasn’t a grief over the loss of the relationship, I was ready to be free from him, but knowing I had poured my love into someone who never returned that love for me or my children was hard to process and I grieved for some time. Now I am wiser and better for it and so are my children. Please keep spreading the word, it is posts like this that helped me finally understand what was going on.
Jeff Crippen
Thankyou!!!
SJH
Yes, mourning the relationship (marriage, family, friendship) we DIDN’T have is an essential part of recovery.
I did my part in the relationship and their failings are on RASNs. They will have to answer for all the evil they perpetrated.
Dee
Because you know the truth,
You have been set free,
While the RASN will never be able to move forward
From the bondage
Of their own dishonesty.
Jeff Crippen
Thats my line to the next RASN who comes up to me and says “I forgive you.” Its never their fault you know. “Stop it! Be quiet. You are in bondage to a lie.”
Z
Beautifully said, Dee!
We are FREE in Jesus! 🙌🏽
The shackles bind the captive RASNs as they continue to perpetrate their lies, mental and physical cruelty, all forms of abuse, mask-wearing, false accusations upon their victims, defamations,…soul murder.
While we may have to live with triggers and anxiety and maybe CPTSD as well as health conditions from the effects of longterm toxic stress, we are still FREE! Free from anymore of their abuses AND we possess the freedom of knowing that when this earthly life is over for us, we can KNOW where we will live eternally! RASNs are too arrogant, self-important and self-absorbed to fear God (THEY see themselves as gods and want to be treated as such! And they expect that we will bow down to them). They ignore His PROMISES that destruction awaits them for the very acts spelled out in the Bible which they engage in constantly without a flicker of Godly fear.
In the end, WE will be vindicated! WE will be the victors! God’s Word assures us those things.
It’s not an easy road to be a survivor of longterm abuses. But Jesus is there with us every step. He will get us to that finish line!! That great Day when He Himself will wipe the tears from our eyes. That mental image of my Savior gently wiping away my tears makes my heart swell with anticipation! It gets me through the hard days.
God bless and keep you, Dee, as well as all here who have suffered from the evil of a RASN. I am thankful for this community of survivors who are putting their trust in👆🏽Jesus.
Dee
1 00% every single word, Z. Thank you for your encouraging reminders of hope in our Lord & the blessed freedom we can look forward to throughout eternity. Keeping our eyes on Him at all times instead of allowing their evil devices to distact us, which seems to be their fruitless goal, will help us endure the difficult seasons of life, until the season ends & a new & better one begins, which it will. May God bless you, & Pastor Crippen & all who travel the narrow road.