Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church

More Thoughts on Alexander

I have written before on the following scripture and would like to share some more thoughts which I believe will be helpful:

2Ti 4:14-15 Alexander the coppersmith did me great harm; the Lord will repay him according to his deeds. (15) Beware of him yourself, for he strongly opposed our message.

Many of you have experienced additional suffering when one of your friends (questionable) or family continued to associate with the evil person who abused you. Perhaps you left the wicked one and various acquaintances expressed their sympathy, but then you learn that they are remaining on good terms with your oppressor.

Now, think about Paul and Alexander and Timothy. We don’t know exactly what Alexander had done to do Paul great harm. But it was great harm and Alexander did it zealously (he “strongly opposed” the gospel Paul preached). In fact his evil was so deep that Paul says that the Lord is going to pay him for what he has done on the Day when Christ comes again.

So, after that warning to Timothy (so that Timothy isn’t taken in by Alexander and harmed himself) what if….

…what if Timothy decided he could do better than Paul and so he sets out to go pay Alexander a friendly visit and see if he could work things out? Or what if Timothy simply decided that he wanted to stay on good terms with Alexander himself? For whatever reason, ask yourself this – how would such behavior by Timothy have affected Paul? Not only would he have been angry with Timothy for disregarding him, he would have been just plain hurt that Timothy had seen fit to keep associating with a man who had done so much evil toward Paul.

So, anyone out there who is choosing to keep right on associating with someone who harmed or abused a person who you claim is a friend of yours, you had better just put on the brakes, blow the puffed up air out of your pride, and consider just what your actions are doing to this person you claim is your friend, or brother, or daughter…. Just maybe you will realize that you are socializing with Alexander the Coppersmith.

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4 Comments

  1. Excellent post!

    This is a great explanation of how betrayal hurts someone deeply and causes more pain and trauma in addition to what the abuser already caused the victim.

    Thank you, Pastor Crippen.

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  2. Veronica Miyake

    Ditto to what Kathy said. People don’t realize how much it hurts us when others continue to associate with our abusers, knowing full well what the abuser did. They think they’re doing the “Christian” thing by staying in contact with the abuser, but they’re actually being emissaries of the enemy. It’s cruel.

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  3. Z

    This post is so timely in my life, Pastor Crippen. I just had to walk away and cut all ties with the last and only relative I still had contact with. All the others showed themselves right away to be complicit and allies of the known evil abusers. This one relative stood by me, claimed to denounce all her ties with my violent abusers, She claimed to have no contact with them even when they tried to “recruit” her as an ally to them and against me for the past several years. But though I’m not on social media, a true friend let me know this relative was communicating and meeting up with my abusers behind my back. Playing both sides. I calmly let her know what I knew and that I could no longer be in contact with her. I explained what No Contact with my abusers means. Not even them having “access” to me or my life info through third parties like her. She tried lying. But I had the proof. And that was that. Sadly it’s no longer a surprise when people betray me.
    I’d like to believe that the apostle Paul would have done the same. I felt initial guilt-falsely-and sad resignation. But Paul was chosen and called by name by Jesus. And he knew evil exists. He knew he had a duty to warn Christ’s sheep of the wolves for their safety. And he knew he and they had to RUN not walk away from them for their own good. He was a true shepherd of Christ’s true church. It’s sorrowful that there is nothing new under the sun when it comes to evil. False Christians will still flock to it. But like Paul, we must free ourselves from the wicked AND their allies, warn others and let God repay them on His Day of Judgment.
    Thank you, Pastor for this validating post at a time when I really needed it! Enough is enough with all the betrayals. Sometimes, sad and lonely as it feels, we have to just clean house completely for our own safely and well-being. Duplicitous “friends” can do as much harm as “Alexanders”.

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