Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church

More Thoughts on Alexander

I have written before on the following scripture and would like to share some more thoughts which I believe will be helpful:

2Ti 4:14-15 Alexander the coppersmith did me great harm; the Lord will repay him according to his deeds. (15) Beware of him yourself, for he strongly opposed our message.

Many of you have experienced additional suffering when one of your friends (questionable) or family continued to associate with the evil person who abused you. Perhaps you left the wicked one and various acquaintances expressed their sympathy, but then you learn that they are remaining on good terms with your oppressor.

Now, think about Paul and Alexander and Timothy. We don’t know exactly what Alexander had done to do Paul great harm. But it was great harm and Alexander did it zealously (he “strongly opposed” the gospel Paul preached). In fact his evil was so deep that Paul says that the Lord is going to pay him for what he has done on the Day when Christ comes again.

So, after that warning to Timothy (so that Timothy isn’t taken in by Alexander and harmed himself) what if….

…what if Timothy decided he could do better than Paul and so he sets out to go pay Alexander a friendly visit and see if he could work things out? Or what if Timothy simply decided that he wanted to stay on good terms with Alexander himself? For whatever reason, ask yourself this – how would such behavior by Timothy have affected Paul? Not only would he have been angry with Timothy for disregarding him, he would have been just plain hurt that Timothy had seen fit to keep associating with a man who had done so much evil toward Paul.

So, anyone out there who is choosing to keep right on associating with someone who harmed or abused a person who you claim is a friend of yours, you had better just put on the brakes, blow the puffed up air out of your pride, and consider just what your actions are doing to this person you claim is your friend, or brother, or daughter…. Just maybe you will realize that you are socializing with Alexander the Coppersmith.


Bunyan Agrees – These Kind do not Repent


What Goes on in the Mind of the Wicked?


  1. Excellent post!

    This is a great explanation of how betrayal hurts someone deeply and causes more pain and trauma in addition to what the abuser already caused the victim.

    Thank you, Pastor Crippen.

  2. Veronica Miyake

    Ditto to what Kathy said. People don’t realize how much it hurts us when others continue to associate with our abusers, knowing full well what the abuser did. They think they’re doing the “Christian” thing by staying in contact with the abuser, but they’re actually being emissaries of the enemy. It’s cruel.

  3. Z

    This post is so timely in my life, Pastor Crippen. I just had to walk away and cut all ties with the last and only relative I still had contact with. All the others showed themselves right away to be complicit and allies of the known evil abusers. This one relative stood by me, claimed to denounce all her ties with my violent abusers, She claimed to have no contact with them even when they tried to “recruit” her as an ally to them and against me for the past several years. But though I’m not on social media, a true friend let me know this relative was communicating and meeting up with my abusers behind my back. Playing both sides. I calmly let her know what I knew and that I could no longer be in contact with her. I explained what No Contact with my abusers means. Not even them having “access” to me or my life info through third parties like her. She tried lying. But I had the proof. And that was that. Sadly it’s no longer a surprise when people betray me.
    I’d like to believe that the apostle Paul would have done the same. I felt initial guilt-falsely-and sad resignation. But Paul was chosen and called by name by Jesus. And he knew evil exists. He knew he had a duty to warn Christ’s sheep of the wolves for their safety. And he knew he and they had to RUN not walk away from them for their own good. He was a true shepherd of Christ’s true church. It’s sorrowful that there is nothing new under the sun when it comes to evil. False Christians will still flock to it. But like Paul, we must free ourselves from the wicked AND their allies, warn others and let God repay them on His Day of Judgment.
    Thank you, Pastor for this validating post at a time when I really needed it! Enough is enough with all the betrayals. Sometimes, sad and lonely as it feels, we have to just clean house completely for our own safely and well-being. Duplicitous “friends” can do as much harm as “Alexanders”.

  4. Susan Krentz

    I’m almost finished reading “Wise As Serpents” (for the second time). I’m reading it much slower this time, trying to view certain events in my own life through the perspective of knowing my Lord so much better than I did when I was enduring abuse. Lots of events are now coming into focus for me, more than when I first read “Wise As Serpents” about two or three years ago. I happened to recall something I had heard from the pulpit: “God is a God of the impossible, but I have heard some say, ‘But Pastor, you just don’t know MY situation.” This one thing rang in my ears telling me I had no call to consider my own situation as something unique, or worthy of help other than asking God to ‘do the impossible.’ I now see that this was a tactic of the enemy to keep me in bondage. Although this observation doesn’t directly relate to “Thoughts on Alexander,” I just want to say to Z… you have come a very long way when you realize you must let go of even the only remaining relative you had thought was on your side. That just leaves Our Lord, …and HE is all you need! BTW.. If you have your copy of “Wise As Serpents” handy,… read, underline, highlight and be encouraged!

    • Z

      Thank you Susan for your encouraging words! It was a very hard realization indeed to cut ties with the final relative who turned out to have no disdain for the violent abuse she KNEW I and my husband suffered but had lied that she was outraged and did not desire to have any association with my abusers. I truly believed her words. And maybe she meant them when the wounds were visible and horrific. But then that support of me came at a COST to her after a while. Parties, Facebook interactions…She didn’t want to be separated but instead wanted to be “in” with the clan that always accepted and enabled the culture of abuse. Didn’t want to be apart from the “world” where all the allies of the abusers congregate. Wanted to be popular with the world despite what she knew they’d done to me while telling me she “loved me best” and that she wasn’t in contact with any of them. All lies. And more hurt to my heart but less so than before. I now have come to expect people to choose the easy path for themselves. So that last tie I cut was a more unemotional necessity. Anyone who WANTS to pal around or even stay neutral with such violent criminal abusers-having seen the depth and results of that violence on the face and body of the victim of their weapon attack-is simply not a person I want anything to do with. How could I? I am so against abuse especially by Christian posers. It’s repulsive to me. She clearly doesn’t see it as anything serious or them as people to avoid as Scripture commands. She too is a fake professing Christian. So I can see how associating with their kind of “Christian walk” appeals to her. Easy peasy. She knows how hard my road has been and wants no part of any of that cost. But she put on a good act for a long time.
      Susan, you are right. I used to think I needed a “support group”, a “church family”, allies in order to recover. But all this betrayal, deception and selfishness I’ve lived through has shown me that Jesus is my support system. I have my husband who was badly injured by my abusers and tolerated their verbal and mental abuses too. I consider that a great blessing from above. But in the end, just Jesus and me make up more than enough of a family and team that will lead to my full recovery-better than before! It really IS a NARROW ROAD and FEW FIND IT. I’ll stay on that sometimes lonely road. But I’m never alone! God bless you sister.

  5. Susan Krentz

    Thanks Z! Glad you replied as I wanted to add one more thing …your REAL sisters and brothers DO exist and walk beside you…as shown by this blog venue! One day may you be able to have a genuine friend “in the flesh.” God bless you my friend.

    • Z

      Thank you Susan! You are absolutely right. I have a family-the Family of Christ. My Father in heaven. Jesus as my Brother. Brothers and sisters here on this blog, like you said, and all over the world. People who Jesus said would suffer and be WILLING to pay a cost for following Him in Spirit and in Truth. And I already consider you a friend, despite it not being a friendship in the flesh!
      And we are fellow “weary warriors” in this war we face on this fallen earth.

  6. Susan

    Back to you again…thanks for another reply as I neglected to say, you can be very glad you also have your husband! I’ve been on my own since my split with my husband way back in 1988! It has been a lonely road, but as Isaiah 54 says: ‘..For your Maker is your husband, the Lord of hosts is His name…. (and): For the Lord has called you like a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit, like a youthful wife when you were refused.’ Says your God.” That’s all I need to know. God bless you Sister!

    • Z

      Amen. YES, YES, YES! Jesus is enough! When my anxieties get the better of me and my thoughts go to how completely alone I’d be if something were to ever happen to my husband, as the ONLY HUMAN (in the flesh) in my life, I know I can rely on the truth of that Scripture to comfort me no matter what. God bless you sister Susan.

  7. Susan

    Yes, Z, that scripture is the most reassuring one I can think of for those who have been “rejected” by those who were supposed to love us. God bless YOU sister!


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