Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church

The Other Way to Peace

2 Thessalonians 1:6-10 ESV  since indeed God considers it just to repay with affliction those who afflict you,  (7)  and to grant relief to you who are afflicted as well as to us, when the Lord Jesus is revealed from heaven with his mighty angels  (8)  in flaming fire, inflicting vengeance on those who do not know God and on those who do not obey the gospel of our Lord Jesus.  (9)  They will suffer the punishment of eternal destruction, away from the presence of the Lord and from the glory of his might,  (10)  when he comes on that day to be glorified in his saints, and to be marveled at among all who have believed, because our testimony to you was believed.

There is no peace when the wicked are present in our lives. Yes, we who know Christ experience peace with God, but when it comes to having peace in relationships with others, real peace is unattainable when it comes to dealing with evil people. All domestic abuse victims and survivors know this. Day by day, moment by moment, there is anything but peace. Even when those brief appearances of peace come, they are counterfeit. Set ups for the next attack.
Now, most professing Christians and churches tell us that we can have relational peace with anyone. But the burden for attaining it is on our back. WE must forgive. WE must effect reconciliation. WE must be humble. WE must…convert those people to Christ! And this is presented as the only path to peace with “difficult” people.
But there is another way, and the Bible is filled with its descriptions.

Christ is the Prince of Peace, so I think we can assume He knows something about this subject. In His kingdom, when He comes again and ushers in the full consummation of His kingly rule, the new heavens and the new earth, the new humanity resurrected and inheriting all God’s promises, there will be perfect peace. And not a single wicked person will be there. No enemy. No reviler, no abuser, no accusers.
Why? Where did they go? The scripture above answers that question. Christ will take them out when He comes again. He isn’t going to reform them, save them, love them, embrace them so warmly that they cannot help but be magically transformed. No.

They will suffer the punishment of eternal destruction, away from the presence of the Lord and from the glory of his might,

And this is the other way to peace. We don’t effect it. We do not go get vengeance upon our enemies ourselves. We are to leave that to the Lord. Nevertheless, there is never going to be full and complete peace in this world and in our lives until the very last of the wicked is destroyed. And Christ is going to do it.
The claims made by so many supposed Christians today that “God can save anyone,” are patently false. I have had a few abuse victims get very angry with me when I show them this truth. They insist that “God is going to do a miracle and transform my abuser,” but they choose to disregard the truth that God will never change any unrepentant person. Furthermore, there ARE plenty of people who remain unrepentant right up to the end, and that is why there is a hell.
We can practice and experience, in part, this peace which comes from the removal of the wicked from our lives. No, not by wreaking literal vengeance upon them, but by separating from them as much as is possible. The more we try to “save” an abuser, the less peace we are going to have. This brand of wicked person sees efforts to work salvation in them as a sign of weakness on our part, a message that we are suckers for more abuse. We are not to cast the pearls of the gospel before pigs, but shake the dust off our shoes and move away from them.
Leaving an abuser is no easy task, and that for many reasons. But to the degree that we are able to cut off the wicked from our lives and look forward to the Day when Christ comes again to “deal out retribution” to them, to that degree peace will grow in our lives.


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  1. Starlight

    Thank you so much for speaking this truth, so spot on! We try to do what God will not and to be more gracious and self debasing toward those God does not call us to rescue & to those who continue to show us they will not be rescued. I just love this, it is his will for us to separate from abuse as much as we can and to live in peace.
    God impresses on me over and over what is of the flesh (death) and what is of the spirit (life).

  2. You can

    Thank you for this exacting message. The church body has more often than not been cruel with the expectation that I was the sinner for leaving a physically, emotionally and spiritually++ abusive husband who landed me in the hospital, and was getting worse with his manipulative behavior. To this end, the peace came when I stood strong for my faith in Christ and left. The abuser has been doing this to me and others for decades and the church continues to cover for him. Find a body of believers that are willing to look at the truth for what it is, and then never look back. There is nothing to be ashamed of, stand firm in your faith and do what is right. If you think you can’t do it for you, then do it for your children. It will be hard, but you can do it, the Lord is there.

    • Jeff Crippen


    • frankiesmith2064

      I affirm your post!!!!
      “The abuser has been doing this for years and the church covers for him.”
      When I finally did out my abuser the church folks were silent. No look of horror, no words of correction for the abuser but excuses and support for the wicked, disordered, criminal abuser.
      The fake Christian flying monkeys will never admit the abuser was and is wicked because they will incriminate themselves and their false fake facade will come crashing down along with the abusers.
      They willl have to admit their guilt in the entire dark abusive group gang stalking and bullying scenario where they bonded together over their hatred of the abuse victim.
      They are all truly sick and twisted. They will never admit to any wrong doing. Thank you Pastor Crippen for articulating the truth. They will not be in heaven because even years later they refuse to repent. No apology, no responsibility for wrong doing, no willingness to examine themselves. How do they sleep at night?
      The Holy Spirit convicts true believers. Since they feel no conviction they prove they are not true believers. They should be afraid to walk outside when it’s raining for fear of being struck by lighting. But they are not afraid. They have no fear of God.

  3. Innoscent

    Most of the time abusers are considered “the peacemakers” as in the beatitudes in Matthew 5.
    My ex-husband claimed to be genuinely so, but was the best actor in posing as the peacemaker in our marriage before the church folks and family. He was desperate to have his ‘unreasonable wife’ back, whom he ‘loved’ so much and was willing to forgive. He knew how to present himself as calm and a victim before others who didn’t see his other side even though I cried out for help and denounced his behaviour and hypocrisy to some when I finally dared to, but to no avail. 🙁
    It was a mighty struggle, but by the powerful and loving providence of God I finally shook the dust off my shoes. It took me some time to relearn freedom, heal and experience peace. Yes we can trust God’s promise for total peace once all the wicked, fake peacemakers are no more. The true peacemakers will then go on to shine forever!

  4. walkinginlight

    The prudent sees the evil and hides himself Prov. 22:3 Is a good thing to do if possible. Thinking of the day when I am with the Lord and never have to deal with wicked evil people ever again is what keeps me going! Evil wicked people try to suck the life out of a person and wear the person down. They try to take all the joy away. They are not happy unless they are creating misery and childish drama. To be around real Christians is so uplifting and to be around these wicked ones is exhausting. This is some of what I have experienced in this life. It is sad to say, I have had to deal with way more evil rotten people then a real sister or brother in the Lord. I am one who can not wait for that final trumpet to blow!!!!

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