Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church

Local Churches are Arrogantly Co-Dependent on the Wicked

1Co 5:1-2  It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and of a kind that is not tolerated even among pagans, for a man has his father’s wife.  (2)  And you are arrogant! Ought you not rather to mourn? Let him who has done this be removed from among you.

I have written before on the subject of selfish, sinful, co-dependency. It is so often evidenced in a parent’s supposed “love” for a wicked son or daughter. It is not love at all, but rather a “symthanotropic” (I coined that word – it means “mutual destruction of one another as opposed to symbiotic – giving life to one another) ugly dynamic.
Symthanotropes set out to “fix and heal” one another, although usually one puts most of the money and resources into it while the other just sucks it up like a relational black hole. In reality, these couplets actually destroy each other. One by bleeding the other dry, and that other by enabling the wicked one in his or her evil when the best thing for them would be letting them go it alone in the pig pen.
But here is my main subject in this article – local churches and pastors and church members are doing the very same thing with the wicked, including and perhaps especially in regard to domestic abusers parading as saints.  How?

Well, just as Paul sternly admonished the Corinthians for their arrogance, so churches are guilty of rank arrogance today in claiming that they can “fix” the wicked.  They feed off of this kind of thing and anyone who dares interfere with their food supply, well, they can just get out.
Preachers all the time proclaim that only Christ can save a sinner, but that is only the words from the pulpit. In reality and practice they function under a theology that claims man can after all effect the new birth. You know how it goes. “If only you would be merciful, loving, forgiving, and kind to him, we can reach his heart.” Well, I have news for such people – no, I have a question for them:

Do you really think that God Himself has not been merciful, loving, forgiving, and kind to the wicked? Are you saying that YOU can do a more effective job of all this than Christ Himself? 

Let me answer the question because the pastors and church members won’t answer it honestly. Here is the honest answer: Yes, we do believe that we can do a better job than the Lord Himself. You just watch us save this fellow’s soul.
Because, you see, the reality is that the majority of professing Christians really believe that Christ was not a very good Christian – like them.  They will show Him how.


Grizzly Bears, Wolves, and the Denial of Evil


Until YOU Have Been the Target….


  1. no one down here

    under the guise of “discipleship” or “counseling” or “training.”

  2. Suzzie

    This just happened in my family and I erred. I used some misplaced ‘mercy’ after being lied to an manipulated by an expert “gaslighter’ to do something for him. My better judgment said, “Don’t do it,” but I felt somehow that I should show mercy. I regret it now as it was clearly within this person’s ability to take care of the matter himself. The good news is I asked payment for the extra effort I expended and he did come through. I will be much wiser next time, seriously, I will!

  3. walkinginlight

    I have found from experience that being loving, kind, long suffering, and merciful to the wicked just causes them to ramp up their evil abuse. I think they loose respect also as they peg you a “chump” and a “doormat”. This would be for the narcissist, sociopath, psychopath, etc. The churches I attended along they way do not teach about healthy boundaries and what the Lord says about separating from wicked, unrepentant, evil people.
    These people will receive stricter judgement as they teach the word of God, but are teaching the Lord’s children if they do not let themselves be abused they are not a good Christian! This is what I was taught all through the 80’s and 90’s and brought me incredible mental, emotional, and spiritual anguish. The devil must be rubbing his hands with glee to further oppress God’s children. We were taught in a round a bout way that it was good to be martyred and living under never ending oppression! You know, “it is your lot in life and God’s will for you.” They heap huge burdens on others backs which they are not willing to carry.
    I always thank God for Pastor Crippen.

  4. no one down here

    So basically, Scripture lays out two separate processes.
    Matthew 5 – which is directed at the person who has offended a fellow Christian. The person who has offended a fellow Christian is instructed to “leave their gift at the altar” and go make things with the brother.
    1 Corinthians 4 – directed at a church that finds out a “believer” is involved in gross wicked sin. The church is to put out the wicked person.
    In my situation, the church ignores the process directed at the person involved in gross wicked sin, and instead takes ME to Matthew 5, requiring that I go make things right with the person who offended me. It’s supposed to be the other way around, for one. For two, if they follow the correct passage, Matthew 5 isn’t even in play anymore.
    But, here’s another question … Galatians 6 has us “restoring a brother caught up in a fault… in the spirit of meekness…” Even putting aside Matthew 18, the church could claim they are following Galatians 6. So, the key point here is, “is the person regenerate or not.”
    Luckily, there is a lot to be said throughout the Bible regarding the state of a person’s soul.
    1. We are all known by our fruits… Does the person really evidence love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, meekness, patience, faith…
    2. All of 1 John – the bits about the prime marks of a true believer including love of the brethren.
    3. I Corinthians 6, idolaters, adulterers, homosexual, thieves, covetousness, verbal abusers, drunkards…. will not share in God’s kingdom
    4. Revelation 22:15, those practicing witchcraft, sexually immoral, murderers, idolaters (again), liars
    Galatians 5, sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger ….

    • Jeff Crippen

      Good stuff! Is it 1Cor 5 instead of 4 that you mean?

    • Stormy

      Thank goodness for the scripture— if we are faithful and just to confess our sins he will forgive us and cleanse us of all unrighteousness.
      Regretfully because we are human Many of us have been guilty in some season of our lives to have committed some of the sins listed in that section of scripture.
      The difference with a true Christian is we repent, feel horrible, possibly beat ourselves up and feel like failures because of our sins.
      We confess our sins and ask God to cleanse us, change us we repent.
      The abuser does not repent. They pretend to be true Christians but they are not.
      Does anyone else have any thoughts on this?
      Does anyone else feel convicted when reading the list of sins?

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