A worthless person, a wicked man, goes about crooked speech, winks with his eyes, signals with his feet, points with his finger, with perverted heart devises evil, continually sowing discord; (Proverbs 6:12-14)
I have probably written posts about these verses before, but they are on my mind again today and the truths they teach cannot be announced too often. As you read this, please note: I am in no way here being critical of victims who have not yet left their abuser. We realize that “just leaving the jerk” is not so simple. No, I am primarily speaking of other people like church members who continue to associate with the wicked/abuser rather than dissociating from him. Ok, here we go:
When it comes to dealing with an abuser — with these wicked ones who see themselves as gods to be served and worshiped — we cannot employ half measures. And these Proverbs explain why. Let me explain further.
Over the years we have had to do battle with wicked people as have most all of you. Malignant narcissists. Covertly aggressive characters. Sociopaths. People with no conscience. People who use an array of evil tactics to control and punish others. Accusers. Maligners. Revilers. You cannot “reach the heart” of such people. You cannot appeal to their empathy. Because they have no heart (their hearts are stones) and there is no empathy to be found in them. This is why God’s Word tells us to put such people out of our midst. We have often pointed you to 1 Corinthians 5 as as example of such instruction. We are to put them out and we are to separate from them.
Now, in our church ministry for over three decades, we have observed a clear and repeated outcome for people who try half measures in dealing with the wicked. They don’t separate fully from them. They don’t seem to believe the warning of Scripture that bad company corrupts good morals. And the outcome? People like this don’t grow in their walk with Christ, or if they do, that growth is very slow. They struggle and they stumble over the same trials over and over again. They seem to remain in a fog of doubt, lacking the clarity of certainty regarding what is truth and what is not. They are like that king in Lord of the Rings who is under the sorcerer’s spell and have Wormtongue whispering in their ear, countering every truth that comes their way.
I think that these Proverbs explain why this happens to them. You see, a wicked man, an abuser, is able to sow discord and seeds of doubt in people’s minds with a mere roll or sideways glance of his eye, with a twitch of his lip, with a subtle motion of his finger or foot, or with a nod of his head. He need not say a single word! One of the tags we have given this post is abuser’s language… the body language of abusers is just crafty as the spoken language. The abuser’s deceptive motions and unspoken innuendos can say it all for him.