More Weapons in the Enemy's Arsenal – Sermon by Ps. Crippen

More Weapons in the Enemy’s Arsenal
Sermon 3 from the series:  The Psychology and Methods of Sin
A 21 sermon series on domestic violence and abuse
First given on August 8, 2010
Sermon Text: Daniel 4

Power and control. As we have been proceeding now in our study of the Psychology and Methods of Sin as contrasted with the mindset and fruits of the Spirit, we have seen that sin craves to be God. Satan announced that he would be like the Most High. His emissaries, like Diotrephes, come to the church of Christ craving power and control, looking to enslave the people of God. All this for power and control – to be worshipped.
And so it is in such a man or woman’s family and marriage. The abusive person is all about getting and maintaining power and control over a spouse primarily and also over the children. Last time we learned that one of the most important and effective weapons in such a man’ s arsenal is secrecy. We were warned that we really do not know the abusive man – though we think that we do. We think, as he intends us to think, that he is a fine man, a nice man, a model Christian. He is the go-to guy in a church many times. But this is all a façade and mask. Behind it lurks a man whose philosophy is to be like the most high. To enslave others to the service and glory of himself. And quite often, he is a master at his craft.
We must be on guard against him. We cannot assume. We cannot afford to be duped by his ploys because if we are, his victims remained oppressed – and we can find ourselves aiding him in his purpose.

The first time Mary was beaten she was riding in the car with her husband of 15 years and their 3 children. Inadvertently she gave the wrong directions. ‘Suddenly he turned around and slapped me,’ she said. ‘It was such a shock. That night I had a hemorrhage.’ Her husband, an author, educator and well-respected Christian leader, continued to brutally beat her for 7 years. ‘You have this Caricatures, such as the one that most battered women have verbally bludgeoned and hammered their husbands into action, can provide a convenient means for the Christian community to wash its hands of any responsibility in the matter of wife battering. These stereotypes become an embedded perspective trickling down from Christian leader to local pastor to ordinary churchgoer. It is a myth that battered women deserve to be beaten or that they cause the violence by provoking their men beyond a tolerable point, says psychologist Lenore Walker. Often people recall situations in which the terrible fear of being alone with him in a room,’ she said. ‘He’s so unpredictable you don’t know when he’s going to suddenly turn on you.’
When counselors, pastors and the church blame the victim, they unwittingly become part of the problem. In shifting the focus from abuser to victim, the victim is held responsible for the abuser’s violence at a time when she most needs to be empowered. This, in turn, further debilitates a woman whose self-confidence and self-esteem are already depleted. Constantly scanning her environment for clues and mistrusting her own actions, she is caught in an endless thought process of wondering just what she did to cause the violence.
Caricatures, such as the one that most battered women have verbally bludgeoned and hammered their husbands into action, can provide a convenient means for the Christian community to wash its hands of any responsibility in the matter of wife battering. These stereotypes become an embedded perspective trickling down from Christian leader to local pastor to ordinary churchgoer. It is a myth that battered women deserve to be beaten or that they cause the violence by provoking their men beyond a tolerable point, says psychologist Lenore Walker. Often people recall situations in which the woman ‘seemed to deserve what she got: she was too bossy, too insulting, too sloppy, too uppity, too angry, too obnoxious, too provocative, or too something else.’ The assumption is that if the woman had changed her behavior, the batterer would have stopped his violence. But Walker found that most women ‘stated that they were taken unaware by the violence demonstrated by their men’ and could not have predicted that the men would have been so violent.’  [Battered Into Submission, by James and Phyllis Alsdurf; Wipf and Stock Publishers, Eugene, OR 1989] 

The same kind of man, as we have been maintaining, can exercise his craft of abuse in the church family as well. After all, it is a perfect arena for him to put on his mask and obtain the power and control over others that he craves. Many churches are enslaved to such men.

The Abuser’s Secrecy

Before we move on to take a look at more weapons in the abusive man’s arsenal, let’s reinforce the centrality of secrecy that the Bible warns us is characteristic of the wolf. Consider these Scriptures carefully –

Her princes in her midst are like wolves tearing the prey, shedding blood, destroying lives to get dishonest gain. (28) And her prophets have smeared whitewash for them, seeing false visions and divining lies for them, saying, ‘Thus says the Lord GOD,’ when the LORD has not spoken. (29) The people of the land have practiced extortion and committed robbery. They have oppressed the poor and needy, and have extorted from the sojourner without justice. (Ezekiel 22:27-29 ESV)
Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves. (16) You will recognize them by their fruits. Are grapes gathered from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? (17) So, every healthy tree bears good fruit, but the diseased tree bears bad fruit. (18) A healthy tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a diseased tree bear good fruit. (19) Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. (20) Thus you will recognize them by their fruits.(21) “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. (Matthew 7:15-21 ESV 
I know that after my departure fierce wolves will come in among you, not sparing the flock; (30) and from among your own selves will arise men speaking twisted things, to draw away the disciples after them. (Acts 20:29-30 ESV)
But these, like irrational animals, creatures of instinct, born to be caught and destroyed, blaspheming about matters of which they are ignorant, will also be destroyed in their destruction, (13) suffering wrong as the wage for their wrongdoing. They count it pleasure to revel in the daytime. They are blots and blemishes, reveling in their deceptions, while they feast with you. (14) They have eyes full of adultery, insatiable for sin. They entice unsteady souls. They have hearts trained in greed. Accursed children! (15) Forsaking the right way, they have gone astray. They have followed the way of Balaam, the son of Beor, who loved gain from wrongdoing, (2 Peter 2:12-15 ESV)

We could go on and on and on with such warnings from the Scripture. The themes are there –

• Deception/secrecy/disguise
• The craving for power and control, greed for personal gain

So we are not over-stating or exaggerating the matter. And just imagine, by the way, what it would be like to have one of these wolves as a husband or father.
Secrecy. Deception. Disguise and masks. The appearance of servants of righteousness (2 Cor 11) but in fact, servants of Satan.
Question: What do you think? Is an abusive person, a man who craves power and control over his wife, over her husband, over others, a person who feels absolutely entitled to the submission of worship “due” them, justified in using his weapons to force that submission – is it possible for such a person to be the Christian that he/she professes to be?

A King Learns a Lesson About Power and Control

This 4th chapter of Daniel is a perfect picture of power and control gone wrong. Let’ s make some comments about it before we consider more of the abusive man’s weapons.
Notice verse 17 carefully –

The sentence is by the decree of the watchers, the decision by the word of the holy ones, to the end that the living may know that the Most High rules the kingdom of men and gives it to whom he will and sets over it the lowliest of men. Daniel 4:17 ESV

See it? Power and control belong ONL Y to the Most High. Any creature who rules, like Nebuchadnezzar, is actually only a lowly creature to whom the Lord, for His purposes, has granted sovereignty. The king had forgotten this. He was about to be reminded.
You see the same thing again in verse 25—

that you shall be driven from among men, and your dwelling shall be with the beasts of the field. You shall be made to eat grass like an ox, and you shall be wet with the dew of heaven, and seven periods of time shall pass over you, till you know that the Most High rules the kingdom of men and gives it to whom he will. Daniel 4:25 ESV

It is God alone who rules, who possesses power and authority within Himself. And so it happened –

At the end of twelve months he was walking on the roof of the royal palace of Babylon, (30) and the king answered and said, “Is not this great Babylon, which I have built by my mighty power as a royal residence and for the glory of my majesty?” (31) While the words were still in the king’s mouth, there fell a voice from heaven, “O King Nebuchadnezzar, to you it is spoken: The kingdom has departed from you, (32) and you shall be driven from among men, and your dwelling shall be with the beasts of the field. And you shall be made to eat grass like an ox, and seven periods of time shall pass over you, until you know that the Most High rules the kingdom of men and gives it to whom he will. Daniel 4:29-32 ESV

THIS is what the abusive, power/control dried man thinks.  He looks at himself, he looks at his family or perhaps he looks at his church, and he says within himself – “I have built this by my might power. . .for the glory of my majesty.” And he really believes it!  Listen now and learn this word very carefully – entitlement.

Entitlement is the abuser’s belief that he has a special status and that it provides him with exclusive rights and privileges that do not apply to his partner (wife). The attitudes that drive abuse can largely be summarized by this one word. To understand entitlement, we first need to look at how rights should properly be conceived of in a couple or family.

NOTE: At this point, understand that Bancroft – to my knowledge at least – is not a Christian. This is a secular book. He does not like the biblical doctrines of headship and submission – partly because he has seen abusers so often appeal to Scripture as justification for their abuse! But let’s see if we can really hear what Bancroft is saying – and you might find out that there is more truth here than you might think –

The man’s rights and the woman’s rights are the same size. (He uses 3 circles, the man’s circle and the woman’s circle are the same size, the children’s circle is smaller). They have the right to have their opinions and desires respected, to have 50% say in decision making, to live free from verbal abuse and physical harm. The children’s rights are somewhat smaller but substantial nonetheless; children cannot have an equal say in decisions because of their limited knowledge and experience, but they do have the right to live free from abuse and fear, to be treated with respect, and to have their voices heard on all issues that concern them. 
However, an abuser perceives the rights of the family like this: [And here Bancroft has one giant circle for the abuser, a very small one for the abused, and an even smaller one for the children]. Not only are the rights of his partner and children diminished – with some abusers those little circles disappear altogether – but his rights are greatly inflated. My fundamental task as a counselor is to get the abusive man to expand his perception of his partner’s and children’s rights to their proper size and to shrink his view of his own rights down to where it belongs.” [Why Does He Do That? – by Lundy Bancroft]

Let’s see if we can clarify –
“Husbands, parents, church leaders, government officials – you have no inherent power, control, or authority resident in you by virtue of who you are as a person. Nebuchadnezzar haughtily thought that he did – he spoke of “my power” and “my glory.” But once the Lord removed the kingdom authority, the sovereignty to rule, from the king, he became nothing more than an animal.
And so it is with us. Men, you have no inherent, resident right in you to exercise power and control over your wife and children. You have an arm, you have eyes, you have feet and so on, but your being does not include, by nature, power and control. It is all alien to us, and to the degree that we are called to exercise authority, that authority is only granted to us by the Lord, and we are expected to exercise it exactly as He instructs.”
The Perceived ‘Rights’ of Entitlement
Almost as a kind of weapon, the abusive man (and remember, this is an essential quality of sin), sees himself as absolutely entitled to certain “rights.” His selfish “bill of rights” includes – [from Bancroft]