Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church

Do not Take Your Guidance from Fables Like this

Recently I was sent a link to a site that apparently claims to speak God’s Word particularly to women. The link brought me to a post on that site which had the following story about a woman and the evangelist Charles Finney. I quote the account below and I do so to caution everyone about reading things like this and assuming that they are true and that they contain Godly advice. Stories like this are dangerous because they encourage abuse victims to place themselves in great danger, thinking that it is God’s will for them to do so.  Here is the story and then I will make a couple of additional comments below:

I told her that her first obligation was to God; that she was undoubtedly under obligation to obey His commands, even if they conflicted with the commands of her husband . . . in no case to omit what she regarded as her duty to God for the sake of complying with his wishes. I told her that as he was an infidel his opinions on religious subjects were not be respected.”

These are the words of the famous 18th century revivalist, Charles G. Finney (1792-1873), to a woman who asked his advice on how to respond to her husband who had ordered her not to attend the revival meetings. This shows that the kind of extreme teachings reflected in this article are relatively new to evangelicalism. In her book, “In the Spirit We’re Equal,” Sue shows how this sort of thinking came in through the Charismatic Renewal of the 1960s-70s through Catholic theologians and Lutherans, like Larry Christiansen, who were steeped in hierarchical, authoritarian thinking.
In the above case, Finney tells how this woman took his advice, ignored her husband’s command and came to the revival meeting. He was so enraged that when she returned home she found that he had wrecked much of the furniture in their house. When he saw her he pulled out a large knife and swore that he would kill her. He chased her through the house screaming his threats. Eventually, he cornered her on the 3rd floor with no way of escape and approached her in a rage with the knife upraised.
At this point she fell on her knees, lifted her hands to heaven and cried out to God for mercy for herself and her husband. Suddenly, the Spirit of God “arrested” and overwhelmed him and he sunk to the floor where he sobbed and poured out his heart to God and his wife, begging for mercy and forgiveness. From that moment, said Finney, “he was a wonderfully changed man and became one of the most earnest Christians I ever knew.

First of all, this story is typical of the kind that revivalist preachers love to use to excite their listeners into some “faith decision.” It is therefore highly suspect.
Second, what of the myriads of godly women, sorely abused by their wicked spouse, who “stepped out on faith” in perhaps a very similar fashion, but no mighty, powerful, visible miracle took place? What of the ones who died?
Third, if Finney were employing truly Christlike methods, why in the world did he send this lady home to her abuser all alone and put her in such a terrbily dangerous place? This is not wisdom. This is not the love of Christ. This is throwing the victim to the wolf.
And finally, I just plain don’t believe this story. It does not square with the scores of experiences I have seen and that most all of our readers here have seen. Some “miraculous” regeneration of the wicked man on the spot so that he is struck by the Lord and marvelously changed. I don’t buy it and I urge anyone who is targeted by an abuser, a psychopath, a narcissist, or some other tyrant, not to place yourself in such a dangerous position thinking that you are doing the Lord’s will by doing so.

Mat 4:5-7  Then the devil took him to the holy city and set him on the pinnacle of the temple  (6)  and said to him, “If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down, for it is written, “‘He will command his angels concerning you,’ and “‘On their hands they will bear you up, lest you strike your foot against a stone.’”  (7)  Jesus said to him, “Again it is written, ‘You shall not put the Lord your God to the test.’”


How the Wicked Use "Christian Servanthood" to Gain Control of People


**Thoughts on Wolves Hiding Among the Flock


  1. One would do well to steer clear of anything from Finney.

  2. walkinginlight

    We already know that the typical abuser likes the way that he is. He clings to power and control like it is the air he breathes. He is evil and does not wish to be “zapped” into a God fearing Christian man. God will not override the will of a human and force a new mindset on someone who does not want it. So no, I do not believe stories like this. It seems more like Satan’s ploy to put a child of God in a situation for possible murder! As the Lord says in His word, Do not be ignorant of Satan’s devices.

    • Mhiggins

      Yes I did my time praying that my husband would be kind. Then spent a lot of time praying that God would knock him off his horse like Saul/Paul and put scales on his eyes until he saw the light. Neither happened. And you are so right. He didn’t want to be changed. He did want to repent. I was only continuing to put me and my child in harms way.
      I used to believe those stories and that teaching. It’s just so sad. He should be ashamed to tell that story. Even with his “happy ending “ he still, like you said threw her, God’s beloved daughter, to the wolf. So infuriating.
      I’m so grateful for all of you.

  3. I Woke Up

    Yep! Been there, done that! A gun held to my head once. Choked. Forced under a table to keep from being hit. Told I would be dead soon. Told a hitman had been hired to take me out. All from trying to reason with and win over an evil fool! A champion for the cause of Christ? NO. I was deluded. A sucker for punishment. A horrible example to my children. A champion in the church for worshipping my vows. WAKE UP, LADIES!

  4. healinginhim

    “Third, if Finney were employing truly Christlike methods, why in the world did he send this lady home to her abuser all alone and put her in such a terribly dangerous place? This is not wisdom. This is not the love of Christ. This is throwing the victim to the wolf.”
    The ‘c’hurch loves to proclaim that we pray more and trust God with the future, etc but very rarely gets physically involved to help a victim. 🙁

  5. cindy burrell

    Whenever anyone declares what we “have to do” in certain situations, my heart and mind automatically shift into “danger” mode. We weren’t given the Holy Spirit for no reason.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *