Exodus: Getting Free of “the Family”

Mat 10:34-39 “Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. (35) For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. (36) And a person’s enemies will be those of his own household. (37) Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. (38) And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. (39) Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.

Families are meant for our good. Husband, wife, father, mother, son, daughter, sister, brother – and extended family as well – grandparents, aunts and uncles, and so on. A home is a family, parents and their children – who love and care for one another. But there comes a time in our lives when we are to “leave father and mother” and cleave to a husband or wife and begin still another family.

I want to talk to you here about this matter of leaving and how, in a sinful and fallen world, the enemy and his servants often twist that which God intended for our good into an enslaving “Egypt” that the Lord set Israel free from.

On several occasions over the years, I have, as I have written about before, experienced both patriarchal and matriarchal kingdoms which demand to possess power and control over family members. A father, for example, demanding that his wife and children serve him – forever. Or a mother who twists love for children into an ownership which refuses to let them leave and be the person the Lord would have them be. And woe to anyone who encourages the target of this thing to leave.

I have probably shared with you before a striking example of this I experienced, but here it is again. A young man, still living at home, asked if he could meet with me and talk about his future. What he should do with his life. What career he should choose. I gladly met with him and in the course of our conversation I threw some ideas out for him to think about. One of those suggestions was that he look into joining the coast guard. He had shown interest in first responder type careers and we live in a place where the coast guard is one of those very vital agencies. He responded positively and thank me for the idea.

A few days later I learned that his father had thrown an angry fit when the son mentioned the coast guard idea. In fact, he was so angry that he set out to do damage to me and the ministry here. He went to other church members and told them it was terrible that I dared to suggest such a thing to his son. Why do you think he was so enraged? I can tell you. He was a father who demanded a lifetime of power and control. His children, no matter their age, were his property with the mission of serving him, and he would punish any step toward freedom they might evidence.

In another case, a parent exploded in anger over the Scripture verses quoted above. Though a professing Christian, she “owned” her children and they were never to leave “the family.” She pressured them and guilted and shamed them if they showed any sign of independence. Of course, her actions merely served to drive them away, but nevertheless the children still had to struggle with the sense of bondage that was instilled in them by her.

These scenarios are certain signs of familial abuse. God, in His design for our lives, has told us:

Gen 2:24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

Unless children, as they grow up, are allowed to “spread their wings” over time and eventually leave father and mother in order to pursue their own life and goals and relationships, God’s design is not being followed and no good will come of it. A parent who demands perpetual power and control over their sons and daughters, that power and control even extending to the next generation – the grandchildren and even great grandchildren – may disguise this lust as “love,” but it is anything but love. It is a selfish demand for self-glory at terrible expense to those enslaved by it.

These abusive family systems are often encouraged and enabled by “christian” individuals and entities. The family is promoted in such a way that it becomes an idol. The father, in a patriarchal system, is to be served by all and the dynamic is very similar in a matriarchal kingdom. Such families are promoted and put forward to us as models for us to emulate, being supposedly God’s design and will. But that is a lie.

I know many survivors of these abusive families who have been freed from this tyrrany. They all relate how it took a very long time for them to clearly see what an abusive father or mother was doing to them. In most cases the end result is a no-contact “relationship.” Once they drew firm boundaries, they became familial black sheep cast out of the flock. But they will tell you something else – the freedom is absolutely worth it.

A One-Year Later Report on our Friend Mack

As most of you know, one year ago our good friend and longtime faithful elder here at Christ Reformation Church was seriously striken with a life-threatening illness. Now, one long year later, Mack and Rite are able to give us this report:

Today is the 1 year anniversary of when the ambulance came and took Mack to the hospital! He was non responsive, and  I didn’t know what was the matter.  He looked out the back of the ambulance,  then laid his head down and  thought “I’m looking for your face Lord”
As we reflect on all the surgeries and procedures he’s been through, all the recovery stages, we are thankful for the prayers of the saints, and for the steady progress  he has made. We are thankful for the faithfulness of God❣️
Today he is able to walk without a walker or cane, able to eat
again, and finally last Sunday able to attend church! It is a joy and blessing!
Going forward we are placing our faith in Christ, knowing He is in control of all things❣️
Praying for a full recovery, and we are STILL looking for His face 

Love in Christ,
Mack & Rite

Mack and Rite last Sunday at CRC, their first Sunday back in a year. And that, of course, is Vickie photobombing! Ha!


Still More About Background Checks

As some of you have correctly pointed out in your comments on the previous post on this subject, a background check is not going to catch all sociopaths, psychopaths, pedophiles and so on. This is important to know. For example, I know a case in which a man was convicted of multiple counts of molesting children and yet, because he committed the atrocity prior to requirements that sex offenders must be registered, a check of such a registry is not going to show his record. Others of course have never been caught and convicted.

However, what concerns me is that many people who have raised the objection “it won’t do any good…it would not have discovered my abuser”…go on to say “therefore, it is a waste of time.” Underneath many of these kinds of objections is some kind of mentality that says “Christians ought not to be so untrusting. This is a lack of faith. This will offend people.”

Well, as an illustration, does your doctor look at your medical history when you go to a new physician? Does your doctor run medical tests which may not always reveal what ails you? Of course. Does this mean he shouldn’t do those tests or look at those records?

If you were go apply for a job – say as a police officer – you are going to be fingerprinted and your prints run against a national registry. There is going to be a background investigation. Do all of these checks guarantee that a criminal will never be hired as a police officer? Of course not. Does that mean we shouldn’t do them?

Does such a policy in a church offend some people? Yes! Does such a policy cause some people to never come back? Yes! Should we suspend a background check policy because of this? No! Because, let me tell you, EVERY background check works! “What? you say? Every one?” Yes. This policy accomplishes several things:

  • Some sex offenders and other criminals will be discovered by it
  • Merely informing would-be church members of this practice will weed out people who refuse to acknowledge that evil exists and that “God loves everyone” and so should we
  • Practicing such a policy discovers arrogance and/or ignorance in a person
  • Investigating the background of a newcomer communicates to wise people that we truly care about the safety of the flock
  • Practicing such a policy puts the wicked on notice that this is a church that intends to expose and expel evil (ie, “we are wise to your kind, buddy!”)

And those are just SOME of the benefits.

Let me ask you this. Do you think that we are obligated before God to welcome EVERYONE into our church? Think carefully about this. A church that looks into a person’s church background, criminal history background, etc., is a church that intends to refuse entry to some people! Now, hold that up against Scripture. Does the Bible tell us that we are to refuse to allow some people to be among us? Of course. For example:

1Co 5:11-13 But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler—not even to eat with such a one. (12) For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge? (13) God judges those outside. “Purge the evil person from among you.”

Now, how are you going to discover such things about a person if you do not investigate? Is it not best to head things off right at the church doors before a pedophile is caught molesting your children in Sunday school class? PURGE the evil person from among you.

You can perhaps begin to understand still another reason why I have been spending time at length in the Wednesday Bible study online examining the habitually repeated statement, “God loves everyone.” That false gospel throws open all safeguards in a church, allows evil to walk right in the door, puts the devil’s servants into “ministry” positions, and throws the lambs to the wolf.

And therefore I conclude with this: The question is not why Christ Reformation Church does background checks and investigations on newcomers – the question is, why aren’t all churches doing this?

I can guarantee you absolutely that if we discover an evil person attempting to come into our church, or if we discover one among us who has been hiding behind a disguise, and when we then expel such a person and that person goes down the road to another “church,” the pastor of that church is never going to contact me! And if I try to warn that pastor, he is NOT going to listen to me (so I don’t even try anymore). So, have you found in your trials as an abuse victim that “church” is not a safe place? Well, this is largely the reason why.