1Co 5:11 But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler—not even to eat with such a one.
Tit 3:10-11 As for a person who stirs up division, after warning him once and then twice, have nothing more to do with him, (11) knowing that such a person is warped and sinful; he is self-condemned.
You all know the pattern. You come to see the toxicity of a relationship, be it an abuser spouse or some reviler. Often these kinds of people come at us in the most intimate settings – such as marriage or family. And you see it and you choose to separate from them. What happens? What happens especially in church settings or in family settings? YOU become the culprit. YOU are the one to blame. Why? Because YOU won’t reconcile. You won’t “forgive.” You are stubborn. Some pastors and churches will even throw you under the bus and out the door for taking such a stand.
I have seen and experienced this many times myself. Why won’t Jeff forgive? Why won’t Jeff join in the family again? Why won’t Jeff…stop being such a pain? Plug your own name in those sentences.
The Lord has given us the right to choose our relationships. To choose our friends. In fact, as you can see in the verses above (and there are many more), God commands us not to have relationships with certain kinds of individuals. But selfish people who aren’t interested in obeying the Lord simply want us to “forgive and forget” so that their own comfy world isn’t rocked.
God does not tell us that we are to separate from wicked people UNLESS they are a sibling or spouse or parent or child. In fact, take careful note in the 1 Cor 5 passage that He tells us to ESPECIALLY separate from a wicked person who claims to be a fellow Christian. And in Matthew 10 He tells us that He came into this world to separate – to bring a sword rather than peace. So that our enemies will be people in our own household! That is what the gospel effects in a sinful world.
So, why is that the mass of professing Christians and pastors flat our oppose all these commands of Christ? Why is it that they blame the victim when this separation occurs? I can tell you. Because most of them aren’t Christians at all. They are not born again. How do I know? Because Jesus says so:
Luk 14:26 “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple.
Mat 10:36-37 And a person’s enemies will be those of his own household. (37) Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.
So don’t wear this badge of blame and guilt that most people will put upon you when you separate from evil. You have the right and duty to choose your relationships. And to reject relationships. Even “blood” doesn’t trump this right (ie, “but they are your sister-brother-son-daughter-parent!”). In fact Jesus points directly to these familial relationships as the ones we can expect to see division at most often. The question is not “why won’t you reconcile with him/her?” but rather, “why are you still hanging around with that wicked person?”