The wicked we deal with – those abusers who crave power and control and use all kinds of self-justifying tactics to get it – never say they are sorry. Never. Oh, they might mouth the words sometimes, cry some crocodile tears, “confess” to some wrongdoing, but the whole thing is a sham still designed to deflect guilt and blame from them to….you.
Know what one of the abuser’s favorite movies is? Love Story. You know that mushed up sentimental line – “Love means never having to say you are sorry.” I mean, what better enablement could be found than in that kind of warped thinking? The truth is that genuine love means wanting to say you are sorry when you sin against someone.
I have known many abusers, sociopaths, narcissists and other evil people. And I can say with certainty, none of them have ever offered a genuine “sorry.” None. It is always your fault, you know. Always.
The wicked of this ilk will at times throw out what I call a “pre-emptive strike” of fake confession or apology. They do it to obligate us to forgive and forget. “Hey, I said I am sorry, now you have to forgive me.” But if you reflect on such false confessions, you will find that they never concern the issue at hand. Their apology in other words never hits the bullseye but is always off on the edges of the matter. “You really spoke in a mean manner to me last night when you said I was a worthless mother.” Reply – “Alright, alright, I’m sorry that I was grumpy last night.” But being grumpy isn’t the issue at hand, is it? We might be grumpy, we might be tired, we may not feel very good, but we do not tell people we vowed to love that they are worthless. This the wicked person will never own up to.
Think back to all the interactions you have had (that you can recall) with evil people of this type. Has even a single one of them EVER genuinely confessed their sin against you and acknowledged their guilt and sin? Have you ever seen them wracked with a violated conscience so that they had to coness and ask for your forgiveness? I can tell you that I never have seen it. Never.
And we never will.
1 John 1:10 ESV If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.