Romans 8:16 The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God,
I know what it feels like. To have someone come up to you and tell you how much your abuser has changed for the good. After years of evil treatment at his hands, you finally were able to get away and start healing. But now, along comes some “well-meaning” person who has recently communicated with him and they just have to tell you that he is a changed person.
Now, they don’t have to complete the sentence. They have already said enough to let you know why they are telling you this. They think that you need to go see for yourself. No, they think that you need to forgive and forget now that the devil you knew is transformed into an angel.
Are these kind of people thinking that they are helping? I suppose in some cases. But the fact is that when someone does this to you, do you go away feeling encouraged? No! You feel triggered and re-traumatized. The thing is very DIS-couraging. People can be so, so, stupid, can’t they?
If it were the Lord leading you by His Spirit to go and see for yourself, you would be impelled to go. From within your own self. Not because someone told you to. You see it here (although remember, and this is important, the Apostle Paul was never an abuser – I have written a post on this subject which you can find here). Look at this:
Acts 9:10-15 Now there was a disciple at Damascus named Ananias. The Lord said to him in a vision, “Ananias.” And he said, “Here I am, Lord.” (11) And the Lord said to him, “Rise and go to the street called Straight, and at the house of Judas look for a man of Tarsus named Saul, for behold, he is praying, (12) and he has seen in a vision a man named Ananias come in and lay his hands on him so that he might regain his sight.” (13) But Ananias answered, “Lord, I have heard from many about this man, how much evil he has done to your saints at Jerusalem. (14) And here he has authority from the chief priests to bind all who call on your name.” (15) But the Lord said to him, “Go, for he is a chosen instrument of mine to carry my name before the Gentiles and kings and the children of Israel.
Acts 9:20-21 And immediately he proclaimed Jesus in the synagogues, saying, “He is the Son of God.” (21) And all who heard him were amazed and said, “Is not this the man who made havoc in Jerusalem of those who called upon this name? And has he not come here for this purpose, to bring them bound before the chief priests?”
Do you understand my point? If the Lord wants you to go see your ex-abuser because in fact he has truly been converted and brought to repentance, if in fact he has “changed” as the person who came to you claimed, the Lord Himself is quite capable of communicating that to you so that you are at peace going and seeing for yourself. But I will give you a tip – In the vast, vast, vast majority of cases the Lord’s leading is for you to stay away from that abuser.
I don’t know if any “helpful, well-meaning” people out there will ever read this post, but if any of them do, let me give them a bit of wisdom. DON’T go to an abuse victim/survivor and start telling them how wonderful it is that their abuser has changed!!! If you think that this is going to help anyone, please go back to Christ’s school of wisdom and wise up. All of us who have experienced the evil of abusers know all too well that they are very skilled at faking repentance and change.